dt311unity Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 I have been dating my girlfriend for almost 4 yrs. now. We were engaged for a little while and then this past summer she broke it off. She wasn't sure if she wanted to be with me anymore. We spent about a week apart and then when she got back she wanted to get back together. I haven't given the ring back to her and don't see myself doing that for some time. We live in a house that we bought together alomst 3 yrs. ago. I am 24 and she is 22. We both have careers and are pretty grown up for our age. When she broke off the engagement she said it was because she didn't feel like our relationship was going to last forever. Whenever we have a bad day or get in a little arguement about something it makes her think our relationship is not going to last. This shocks me because both of us don't really fight with one another or even raise our voices, we just tell each other how we feel. Well, she basically told me the other night that some of the main reasons for getting back in the relationship was because she didn't want to have to deal with the whole house issue and she was worried about what her mom would think and what other people would think. Ouch! This kind of ripped me apart and even after a couple of days I think it still really hasn't hit me. She also said that she could never break up with me because she saw how much I was hurting when she did it the first time. I obviously told her these were all not good reasons to stay with me. She loves the relationship when it's "good". But whenever we hit a little bump in the road it makes her think our relationship is really bad. She goes back in the past and digs stuff up and then just piles it on me all at once. She still holds a grudge against me for feelings she has had with me in the past. She has the idea that a relationship is supposed to be perfect all the time. She keeps track of little things I do for her like writing little notes for her or buying her flowers. If I slip up don't do something for her then she get's upset and we have a big conversation about how our relationship isn't going to last. I just don't what to think anymore. I have never done anything wrong to her. I try to do everything I can to make her happy. I have worked my ass off to support us finacially. I just don't get it. She asked me how I felt about everything she said. I told her it makes me upset that she views our relationship like that. I don't like how she keeps score of the good things I do. I told her part of me wonders why I would even want to be with her anymore. I just don't understand. She needs to figure out what she really wants. She needs to do it without worrying about what everyone is going to think or what we would do about the house. I'm just really frustrated. It makes me just want to give up. Anybody ever been in a situation like this?? Any advice?
timjones0674 Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 I know the pain involved, but realize she is a dud... Move on young lad... Also, I know at this point you will not understand this, but not getting married to her is actually one of the best things that happened to you. I know of no guy who married in their early twenties who longterm is happy. It is almost universally true that as a guy grows into his late twenties to early thirties that what he wants in a woman changes dramatically... In short, logically realize it is over and you will never marry her. Second, start dating other people immediately... Once you have sex with someone else for the first time again, it will get allot easier after that. If have been where you are right now and I promise it gets easier over time.... Good Luck!
Author dt311unity Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 thanks, any other good advice? Anyone?
Author dt311unity Posted January 9, 2008 Author Posted January 9, 2008 Nobody else? Where is lovegod when you need em.
Author dt311unity Posted January 22, 2008 Author Posted January 22, 2008 anyone??? more ideas? thoughts?
Freddy Posted January 22, 2008 Posted January 22, 2008 You need to find out why she is feeling this way. Is there any changes you both can make to make things better. Maybe if you see an argument happening you should just lay off of it. I know some woman picture the perfect relationship so if you can show her that your willing and committed to help make those changes then maybe she will see that. If she really wants out then it is a lost cause.
floydette Posted January 29, 2008 Posted January 29, 2008 I think that we need an update on the situation. I do feel that the relationship is however not looking good. I know some woman picture the perfect relationship so if you can show her that your willing and committed to help make those changes then maybe she will see that. There is no such thing as perfect! Please dont doubt that you are doing and have done your very best, but you cant do the impossible. Your girlfriend has read far too many fairy tales. I'm quite upset at her - would she 'measure up' if you started tallying up her every action? True love is selfless, most of us can only aspire to it, but it seems that perhaps you're both putting her first. I think that you are incrdibly mature and realistic for your age, but i also have to say that I feel you're too young to settle down and that you need experience of both being single, and of other relationships in order to make them work. On top of this you deserve someone that chooses to be with you, because of the wonderful person that you are, not because it would be inconvenient to split up, and not because of what mommy or anyone else thinks. If you really want to be with her, perhaps you could suggest that she get some counselling in order to get her head straight and become more realistic. Alex x
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