marcus0884 Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Ok, So I have been wondering what I am doing wrong. Background: I am a young and successful 23 yr old who is good looking, polite, chivalrous, romantic, spontaneous, but a jerk when I have to be. ( the women are ages 22-26) Relationship after relationship seems to fall apart and I can't figure out why... I always know not to "over do" the romance or even over use the L word,which i think is a very strong word and should be used cautiously. I have been told I am one of the few knights in shinning armor left. I know my boundries and always try not to smother. I am nice but I can be a jerk (not too much) which should create a very nice balance. Im not a wuss by all means I am typically macho * im spanish* and very adventerous. I know how to go out and have a fun time whether it is going out to a club, a nice resturant, or to the museum. Most women say they want "me" but do they really want that? I dunno but what I can say is that being romantic and chivalrous has gotten me no where. I know Im young but I partied my eyeballs out in highschool and my first years of college. That being said im much more mature now and take things easy but Im no prude. Every girl I date seems to be completely content with everything in the relationship..be it romance,intamacy,and communication...why do they either leave or cause problems so I can dump them? What happend to wanting a Knight in shinning armor? I know its the 90s : P but come on! I have dated a girl and was actually more of a jerk but that was nothing but drama. Its not a good way to maintain a relationship in my opinion. I am pretty smooth and can get a girl when I want to but it seems like i attract women who want romance and what not but then it seems they just dont want that anymore. I will say again I do NOT over do the romance or nice guy theme at all. From what I can tell women basicly want someone who will cheat on them and just cause them trouble and misery...am I wrong? Your opinions.
Jordane Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 You seem really cocky and fake to me...maybe that the problem?
Author marcus0884 Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 Im not cocky at all. Im very modest thats why i said ( background) and no not fake either.
Jordane Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Why are you consciously being a jerk/romantic/nice/etc...why can't you just be you? Also, haven't any of your exes given you a reason for why you guys broke up? There is obviously something that is putting all these women off and it's probably a big deal...you can't just be Mr.Perfect and end up getting dumped all the time. My boyfriend is a total "nice guy" and he's definitely got his flaws but none of them are such a big deal that I would leave him for it...there is something here that you are leaving out.
Saxis Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Women don't want a Knight Protector or whatever... or a jerk. They want an equal, a companion that understands them, challenges them and excites them. Considering their targets, pretty much a mythical being... . Seriously, if you are really being yourself, then you just haven't met the right one.
Author marcus0884 Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 That is me. Im not "acting" that way. Some have complained that I can say very hurtful things somtimes..but thats just it only sometimes. One complained that I was too affectionate. One thought that I was a player. One said I was a total jerk..I WASNT but she actually still calls and texts me. Another said I was too nice..wtf? The most recent one had no reason at all..quite the opposite she said I was perfect and she just vanished. Honestly I do know that I will push them away and that tends to happen 3 to 6 months in. I.e I wont call as much or I cancel dates.But when I do that it doesnt last more than a week. I do that subconsiously and I just recently became aware of that.
Jordane Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 First, you should never say hurtful things. The second you say something truly hurtful to a girl...it will never be forgotten. Second, when you suddenly stop calling and cancelling dates, the first thing they probably think is that you have lost interest and are probably cheating and so they withdraw. How about you stick to being polite, nice, romantic, and don't go wacko on them randomly during the relationship and you should be fine. I'm not suggesting that you let someone walk all over you but you should never be a jerk to your girlfriend...not even during an argument.
Author marcus0884 Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 I guess that makes sense saxis. The most recent girl well we were perfect for each other and would talk on the phone for hours or stay in bed talking and making each other laugh all night long..among other things : P Like I said I am quite balanced. I wonder If maybe I just attract sh*t lol and im on this ungodly unlucky streak.
Lee725 Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Hi Marcus, without all the descriptive terms i have wondered the same thing about myself. Disaster to disaster. What is wrong with me? why dont they work? why do i get S**T on? why dont they love me? The problem is for me (through my investigations of myself), i tend to attract the same type of people with similar personality traits, therefore i am bound to have the problems. I recently dated a different type of guy, but found i had no emotional connection with him, that was my one exception, but i probably could not connect with him because i have only ever made attempts to connect with one type of person, therefore what chance did i stand. The other thing that i have found, is that it is not the problem with the people around me that i am attracting, it is the problems WITHIN ME that cause alot of my dramas. We can not go from one relationship to another no matter how long or short without some kind of remnants of that previous relationship. My problem is that if person A presents any of the problems i have seen in my past Automatically i unjustifably label person A as being the same as the last guy and i bugger the relationship myself. I am not saying that you do this, but this is my assessment of myself and you may or may not find similarities within it.
SeraBella Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 When do you ever "have to be" a jerk? From your post (try not to be too defensive when you ask for advice on a forum) you sound like you're trying too hard, and this doesn't sound like the typical "nice guy" rant. Just be yourself. You sound like you're playing a lot of games. Just do whatever comes and go with the flow. If you want to be more romantic, then do so. There is no perfect amount of it. Some women love it all of the time, some want just a little, some want somewhere in between that actually changes day to day. And also "nice but I can be a jerk (not too much) which should create a very nice balance"...JERK doesn't balance ANYTHING. STOP TRYING TO BE A JERK! AND, you're 23. It has nothing to do with "being much more mature now" because just a few years ago you "partied your eyeballs out." Finding a compatible partner, and a serious, mature, relationship isn't easy and takes time. If it was easy this website wouldn't exist, divorce rates would be low, and people in general would be much happier.
Cobra_X30 Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 When do you ever "have to be" a jerk? Just be yourself. You sound like you're playing a lot of games. Just do whatever comes and go with the flow. If you want to be more romantic, then do so. There is no perfect amount of it. Some women love it all of the time, some want just a little, some want somewhere in between that actually changes day to day. And also "nice but I can be a jerk (not too much) which should create a very nice balance"...JERK doesn't balance ANYTHING. STOP TRYING TO BE A JERK! OP, I wouldnt pay too much attention to this advice. Most women cant tell the difference between a guy with confidence and a jerk. If you can display strength and confidence without bieng a jerk... thats great. You will be able to attract the women that get it. Otherwise... keep bieng a jerk at times. Lots of women tend to work off of a mental system that says if A values me too much there must be something wrong with A. B does not value me therefore B must be a better deal/person. Keep in mind there is a greater self esteem boost to be had from climbing Mt. Everest than from hiking up a hill.
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