DJ Dancer Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Here is a message I'm thinking about sending my ex tell me if I should send it or not... Ex, I know its been a very long time since the last time we spoke but I really need to get something off my chest in order for me to move on, over the past months I have been constantly thinking about our previous relationship. I told you that you were right about the distance and that we should break the relationship off which you were right about it the distance but I was also ending it because I felt that you weren't even showing interest in our relationship anymore, and when I asked you about us you blew me off and didn't even speak on it, and that hurt my feelings. It hurt my feelings that you didn't even show interest anymore before and once you left to go home because I thought you truely wanted to make "us" work but you didn't, and it felt like I was in the relationship by myself and that hurt to feel like that. I know you probably thinking why you waiting so later to say something, but I did because I was afraid to speak what i was feeling to you thinking you would be upset.... But I should have spoken up to let you know what I was feeling regardless of what you would have thought or felt. I've tried for months to speak to you and see how you were, but I never got a response from you not even a thank you on wishing you a happy birthday. You told me to keep in touch with you and that we can be friends but it didn't even feel like that because I was being ignored by you and that hurt too because all I wanted was a friendship with you, but if you no longer wanted to speak to me it would have been good to know that instead of me making contact with you when you weren't going to say anything feeling like a fool for contacting you when you wouldn't even speak.... Now writing this, I'm doing this for me to clear my part. I should have been straight forward telling you this the day we broke up, and I feel I could have been honest and spoke up, and I felt bad for that because I wasn't keeping it real with you on that, and I apologize for that, and any other thing that I may have done or said wrong to you I apologize for it but as far as I can recall I didn't do anything to you, but if I did let me know. I hope and pray for happiness in your life and career. God Bless you and know I have no hard feelings against you...
TotalChaos Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 This could be a tough one I think. How long has the relationship been over? I know from experience that it's really hard sometimes to get closure. If you really feel like sending this letter will help you find that then I say go for it. Do you feel better after just writing it? In the past I have written letters to someone just to get things off of my chest. I then throw them away and I feel better. That doesn't always work however and I thinks sometimes you just have to tell someone how you feel. Is this someone that you would like to be with again? If so, I'm not so sure you should send the letter. Sounds like you are better off without this person.
sedgwick Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 If you've tried contacting him several times and he hasn't responded, I wouldn't send it. If he has a brain at all he already knows you're upset with him. It's not necessary to spell it all out. I really believe that when our exes break up with us, they lose the privilege of knowing what's going on in our lives. Let him wonder.
Author DJ Dancer Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 Still not sure of sending it..anymore advice...I really need it!
jdeedee Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Still not sure of sending it..anymore advice...I really need it! How long has it been since you broke up? How long has it been since you last contacted him? -- Did he reply? Are you prepared for the possibility that he will not reply to this email?
Author DJ Dancer Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 How long has it been since you broke up? How long has it been since you last contacted him? -- Did he reply? Are you prepared for the possibility that he will not reply to this email? We broke up 9 months ago The last time I contacted him was in Nov 2007, and no he didn't reply he has never replied to any of my messages or calls.. Yeah I already know he wouldn't say anything back..
oppath Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Dj Dancer, I still write the occassional letter to my ex too, but don't send it. She never responded to my earlier attempts. That means she doesn't want to talk to me or have me in her life. That was spelled out by a friend "the fact that she is ignoring you means she doesn't want to speak to you; if she wanted to she would have so stop." It was a different situation as it all happened in the first month. I told her FOUR TIMES "I am not ready to be in contact with you. I am too hurt and can't be your friend because I am in love with you. Friendship can only happen after I've healed. Please give me some space so I can heal. I will seek you out in a couple months if I can handle friendship" and then she asked in response "would you like to be friends with benefits?" I reamed her out. She said "I was just joking." So reamed her out again and then, feeling like I went too far, was trying to apologize. In hindsight, why would I apologize when if I treated a woman that way, I'd expect to be reamed out? Regardless, don't send it. If he has not responded, he is not going to give you the closure that you need. Me? All I wanted was for her to say "I'm sorry, that was wrong to ask of you given the context and it was selfish of me." If she were capable of that or felt that way, she wouldn't have asked it in the first place. Write the letter, but don't send it, and if you have the option, go to therapy to help put this to rest.
D-Lish Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 I wouldn't send the letter.... I would however continue to write letters such as these in order to work through your feelings.... but keep them, don't send them. I made such a mistake by sending some e-mails to an ex who refused to talk to me after our break up. I sent two or three in total- all of them heartfelt... yet all of them unanswered. You think that when you send something like this that it is helping you to get things off your chest, but in reality, what you want is a response. Imagine dealing with a non-response after pouring your heart out. All that does is further exascerbate the pain. If he has been non-responsive up to this point, chances are he won't return your e-mail.... and that will only cause you further pain and needless frustration. Keep this e-mail for yourself. I wouldn't send it.
oppath Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 You think that when you send something like this that it is helping you to get things off your chest, but in reality, what you want is a response. Imagine dealing with a non-response after pouring your heart out. All that does is further exascerbate the pain. Exactly. But if they were willing to give you what you wanted, they would have responded earlier or not put you in such a painful situation by handling the breakup better. In my situation, what she did was wrong by my moral standards, and all I wanted was an apology. Quite simply, if she were capable of realizing it was wrong, she would have never done it. Do not send.
Author DJ Dancer Posted January 9, 2008 Author Posted January 9, 2008 I wont send it..I just wanted some advice so I wouldn't make the mistake of doing that..Thank you!
Recommended Posts