s4dia Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 I've been divorce from my first husband with 2 children for 12 years. Both of us re-married. He finally married the woman he had a relationship with during our marriage. My husband now, (who drives me nuts) going on 10 years. I bounce back pretty good, except, I always miss my 1st husband, I let him go, I didn't fight for him, I easily moved on to find a new relationship. But no one could come close to the love I had for my husband, lets call him Ben. I still love him,I never stop loving him, we still call and talk about our children. Lately during the holdiays he mentioned how he love the perfume I wore and remembered the name, but I didn't say anything, what do you say? I think I was wrong, people make mistakes, stupid mistakes. It's really easy to get caught up in new relationships. Forgive and be forgiven. My question, I would never have an affair on anyone, but a day does not go by when I don't want to be with Ben. What should I do?
ElvenPriestess Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 What exactly caused the divorce with you and Ben? i know you mentioned an affair, was that what did it? And how happy is he in his other marriage?
Author s4dia Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 Ben being with another woman and I was starting to drift away from him as well. My father was dying and I just opened a health club and became very busy. I really don't know if he is happy, he is really a good guy, believe it or not, he would not never talk to me about her. My children say, not much, I don't ask, you know, not to involve them. We just support each other.
ElvenPriestess Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 after all these years and remarriage that's a hard spot. You say you love your ex-husband. Which is of course understandable all things considered. Do you think that you are in love with him still? Also, since things aren't good with your current H do you think a part of you has been reflecting on the wonderful times with your ex-H because of the current situation? If things were wonderful with current H, do you think you would be facing the issue of feelings for your ex-H still?
Author s4dia Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 Maybe if I was in the greatest relationship with my husband now, I would only be thinking of him. But since he drives me nuts I would be looking for another man to take his spot,( I don't want to sound cruel, but he is a alcoholic and I can't be in on his program), so maybe I am dreaming about my ex, but my ex was a good guy, he took care of me and treated very well, except for the girlfriend thing. This husband now, I can't even explain, really he is bad. I can find another guy, but I keep thinking about Ben.
ElvenPriestess Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 I know it's easy to think of good times with another when things are tough with the current. But I think your focus should really be on fixing what's happening in the present with your H rather than thinking of what's been and gone. Do you think you and your H can make things better? Can you guys rectify the things that are driving you crazy and make your marriage better?
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Well it's nice that you would like to rekindle things but he cheated and you left, what's there to rekindle? Who's to say it wont happen again. Focus on your current husband stop comparing the two!!!! It's disrespectful to compare one to the other. You've moved on right, so dont go back!
Author s4dia Posted January 9, 2008 Author Posted January 9, 2008 Thanks so much for your replys,all of this makes sense. I thought about it and sure it would be great to be with my ex, because of the life we shared and had with our children. But we divorce for a reason and it didn't work. I'm not dreaming about Ben like he is the perfect man, obviously he wasn't for me. Thanks again.
Lizzie60 Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 Hum... I'm thinking that he might miss you... It's been 12 years now.. he's now remarried... and I bet he's bored with her now.. (what else is new lol). He might be thinking about seeing you again.. who knows? You are... My guess is that it wouldn't last ...
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