KATANYA Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 (edited) I normally wouldn't share something like this but I was so touched by it that I'll risk getting blasted. I just wanted to share that I do believe some A's can end and there still be real friendship. (At least that's what I'm hoping). For those that read my other post from this weekend ( my exMM and his W splitting for a few days, etc. etc. etc.) Anyway, this is the message that was on my computer when I got to work today. ********************************** Good Morning and Welcome Back to Work I wanted to let you know I went home last night and to say Thank You for all that you did for me and for ______. I don’t know what makes you the person you are and I don’t know why you do what you do. You amaze me with your heart and your compassion. I thought I had lost that and so much more when you walked away and I admit I was devastated. I have done and said some pretty insensitive things in the last little while and have given you no reason to be there for me yet there you were, holding coffee, smiling your brilliant smile, telling me you were there as my friend and truly meaning it. Amazing! I don’t deserve a person like you in my life. You have my promise I will never compromise our friendship again. I was your friend, I am your friend, and I always will be your friend. You have my gratitude, my appreciation and you will always have a very special place in my heart and in my life Have a great day Edited January 7, 2008 by KATANYA
Owl Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 The problems with there being a friendship after the affair still remain tho: The risk of the affair re-starting. The constant strain of his wife's (deserved) mistrust in any friendship between the two of you. (if she knows) The remaining lies and deceit over that relationship if he doesn't tell her that you two are still communicating as friends. Oh, and not trying to 'blast you'. Its just that the odds are very very high that any friendship or relationship between you and him after the affair will either resume the affair or remain a constant source of pain for his marital recovery. Its just how things go.
nextel Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 I admire people that can remain friends even after an A or R. You were hoping you would remain friends with him, and sounds like that you wish came true. My question to you is this, why is it that important that you remain friends with him? Sorry, I am just a firm believer in leaving well enough alone.
Author KATANYA Posted January 7, 2008 Author Posted January 7, 2008 Hi Nextel..... You are absolutely right that it is important to me that we remain friends. We have known each other for many years and he was someone that truly saved my life years ago when I was in a very brutal and abusive marriage. He is also very close to my children who have always known him as 'uncle' even though he is not related to them. He has stood by me through some major obstacles and hardships and has been a constant source of support to me and to my children.....even in my most stubborn times. I would never deny that we care deeply for one another and always have but the A happened at a low point in both our lives and I think we both realize it happened because we both needed someone to lean on. I really don't think that the A would start again because there is so much to lose for both in that situation. Our friendship was never 'hidden' from anyone including his W and that is how I know his family as well as I do. He, in turn, also knows my extended family. I know the odds are not great for friendships to be successful after an A but I hope this is the exception because I really would be lost without him in my life and so would my children. Hope that explains it:o
whichwayisup Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 It's fine now (and yes, that was a nice letter, I'm sure he meant every word) but what happens in the future, when you meet another man and get into a relationship your exMM and the feelings you have for him WILL be the test, for both of you. Can he handle you with someone else, and, can YOU handle it in the future if HE finds someone else. Also, new boyfriends/girlfriends may not "like" how close you two are, so sure, having a friendship is nice, but as long as it's kept on the straight and narrow, not hidden away and definately isn't sexually charged, no crossing lines or even having intimate discussions at all. Our friendship was never 'hidden' from anyone including his W and that is how I know his family as well as I do. He, in turn, also knows my extended family. No, the friendship wasn't, but the affair was hidden. EVERYONE thinks your friendship with him was pure, innocent and platonic.
Lyssa Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Kat, that is a very sweet note and came across as a sincere one at that. I'm sure if you keep it on the friendship level, things will work out fine with you, even when you're in a fresh R with someone new.
TogetherForever Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 I'd like to know if his wife knows he sent you that email??? TF
whichwayisup Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 If he did tell her about the email, I'm sure his wife would think 'aww how nice, she's a wonderful woman to have as a friend as she's helped so much...' Problem is, his wife has NO idea that the friendship turned into an affair (yes, it's ended but still..) and has been under the impression that they're just two old dear friends, totally platonic.
lovelorcet Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 If he did tell her about the email, I'm sure his wife would think 'aww how nice, she's a wonderful woman to have as a friend as she's helped so much...' Problem is, his wife has NO idea that the friendship turned into an affair (yes, it's ended but still..) and has been under the impression that they're just two old dear friends, totally platonic. I am sorry but I find this whole situation that you are in kind of sick. I also think you are delusional as far as this "friendship" is concerned.
White Flower Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 I just wanted to share that I do believe some A's can end and there still be real friendship. (At least that's what I'm hoping). ********************************** Good Morning and Welcome Back to Work I wanted to let you know I went home last night and to say Thank You for all that you did for me and for ______. I don’t know what makes you the person you are and I don’t know why you do what you do. You amaze me with your heart and your compassion. I thought I had lost that and so much more when you walked away and I admit I was devastated. I have done and said some pretty insensitive things in the last little while and have given you no reason to be there for me yet there you were, holding coffee, smiling your brilliant smile, telling me you were there as my friend and truly meaning it. Amazing! I don’t deserve a person like you in my life. You have my promise I will never compromise our friendship again. I was your friend, I am your friend, and I always will be your friend. You have my gratitude, my appreciation and you will always have a very special place in my heart and in my life Have a great day Katanya, You will get what you hope for because you are who you are which is amazing AND because MM recognizes that fact. You are obviously a warm and wonderful person who he is sorry to have lost (as the OW) yet hopes to keep as a friend and because you work together this is the best possible outcome. I hope it gets easier as time passes:)
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