JackOfAllTrades65 Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 (Bear with me, this will be a long post) I had been dating my ex-girlfriend for over 2 years, since August 2005. At this time, I was starting my freshman year of college (19), and she was a junior in high school (17). She had never been in a couple relationships, but nothing too serious, and I had been in another relationship that lasted 2 years. Our story of us meeting is worthy of being put in a movie, and how our relationship started is just as good. We hit it off well, and filled all of our unusual oddball humor with each other. Despite us having distance from each other, we always were able to make things work. We had fights, but not too many. I'm not one to believe in grudges, so I usually would pull our fights out from the root and solve them fast. We shared a lot of common interests, and had a great intimate relationship (I was the one to take her virginity). Because of family issues, she has always had problems emotionally during December and January. To add onto that, she can have a hard time communicating without bursting in tears. I've always worked with her to solve the problem, and although it can be hard on both of us, we were always able to solve things and make things work. Once she started college, we were going to schools that were about an hour away from each other. We had our freedom during the week, and then worked together to see each other each weekend (we would alternate who visits who). Things were going fine for her, until around Thanksgiving. Around the beginning of December, she called saying that she was starting to feel that her emotions were going all over. She didn't know what to feel, and she was feeling terrible about what was going on with her. She claims that she is still in love, and wished that none of this was happening to her. We got together face to face a couple times in this period, and when this happened, things became fine. Everything changed for her, and she started to feel better about things. Finally, after some talking and such, on Dec 12, we declared that we would take a break. We said it was OK to see others, but if sex or a serious relationship was to occur, we would talk to the other. Since then, there has only been one instance of contact between us. She wanted to have a little contact over the break, but I insisted that her and I need to fully be away from each other to feel what things will be like without the other. I told her she was free to contact me if she wanted to talk about either closure or reconciliation. She gave me a text yesterday basically saying: "JackOfAllTrades, I really am still confused and overwhelmed. I'm sorry about this. I'm just taking it one day at a time. I hope your holidays were nice and that you are alright." I'm looking to tag from perhaps someone that has experienced something like this in the past. Here is the main gist of what perspective I want: 1. We haven't actually had any kind of closure yet. I trust her not to use this for something like just sleeping around with other men. I understand that this is her freshman year in college, and we all hit that phase to party, so is that what this could be? Just a chance for her to see what she truly wants? 2. I have mementos for her from her relationship, and there are two different kinds, gifts, and things we are borrowing together. (In my case, I have a shirt or so of hers she could wear if she came over, and she has some sweats that fit me, that she usually wears.) The gifts are for each other to keep, despite what happen, but should I ask for the borrowed items now, or wait until further notice?
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 Breaking up is leaving and closing the door behind you. A break is the same thing, only you leave the door open in case you feel like coming back. Understand that there is 99.99999999999% chance that she met someone else before Thanksgiving, and requested a break shortly after instead of a breakup because she doesn't know how it is going to work out with the new guy. Was the 'seeing other people' part initiated by her? If so, then that pretty much nails it. People request this when they've already done it, or at least laid the groundwork for it. Basically, you have been back burnered for someone else - or at least that is what it sounds like. That is usually what is going on when a "break" comes up out of nowhere like that. People in happy relationships don't just suddenly become confused and don't know what they want. That only happens when someone new comes along and they are torn between old and new.
Rooster_DAR Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 I agree with LB, I went through the exact same thing with my fiance of 4 years. She's confused because someone else is floating her loveboat, but she has you to fall back on in case he doesn't work out. I would try to initiate a mature conversation with her about it so see if she can open up, if not the tell her you are moving on and see what happens. Cheers!
oppath Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 Yeah, it's not a coincidence that my ex went to a football game with a "friend" who she never mentioned in our 6 month relationship, and that her ex bf of 5 years proposed to her on the same day (maybe it was the same person), but the day after she was distant to me and a week later "needed to be single because she was in a 5 year relationship before me, but it has nothing to do with a lack of feelings." BS. It was such a sudden change in behavior that obviously, something had happened. I found out later. Even her asking to be FWB 2 weeks later is consistent, quite honestly, with wanting to still date me while shopping for other men. I could be wrong on all counts but I'd bet money on those things. It sounds to me like there is groundwork for another guy or that at least other guys have been flirting with her. Do you go to the same school? This happens. I don't believe in breaks, especially not with the out "we can see other people." Breaks should occur for one reason: "I'm taking my MCAT in two months and my mom died and I need to focus on me." Dating other people is not a reason for a break. That is a breakup.
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