DJ Dancer Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 Question...Its considering my break up..Okay well in the beginning stages he had a lot of time on his hands to call me and spend time with me, but at the sametime he was busy doing his music, but not as busy..So then the week before he leaves he claims he was busy with his music which I understood I never wanted to come in between his music, BUT he was always logged into myspace and I know he seen me on too because im in his tops and he was in mine, and he told me he went swimming when he was telling me he been busy, and he said the samething when he left that he was busy(this time we were going longer days without speaking unless I said something first) BUT he was always on myspace though... My question is no matter how busy you are and you are in a relationship wouldn't you still make time for the other person..even if it was a simple text message once a day just to let the other person know you didn't forget about him/her???? You would make time right if you were REALLY interested??
Nomad1 Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 People do that when either a) the other person is no longer a priority because they develop other interests, in people or other pursuits, b) they know that the person in question is available and they think that they are not a challenge. If you get a busy life and perhaps are no longer wondering whether he is going to call, if he likes / loves you he will be doing the chasing. It is just human nature! so get busy! Nomad1
oppath Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 (edited) But if someone breaks up with you claiming they will be too busy, without discussing how what you are going to do is important to them and what their schedule is, I chalk it up to "they have lost interest but are too big of a coward to just say "this isn't working. My feelings for you have changed." If you are really busy, let me know how and why those things are important to you. Perhaps I will be satisfied with a sleepover once during the week, you showing up at 11 just to sleep next to me, and one of the weekend nights to be our night. If someone is too busy for that, I don't believe it. You are never too busy for someone you care about and want in your life. You may have less time for them, and you may not be able to give them the time that they want, but there are several compromises that can be discussed before ending the relationship. It's cowardly to break up claiming "I am too busy" mostly because the other person may hang around, thinking that when you are less busy you may get back together. It is much better to say "I don't think we are right for each other. This just is not working for me." Edited January 7, 2008 by oppath
Lee725 Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 (edited) If a partner says "I am to busy" (without any kind of explanation) to me, i take it as an insult or a push away. If you care about someone and really want to talk/see/ring/email (whatever), i would say and expect this person to say that they really do want to catch up with me and will do so when they can (hours, days whatever). If you are busy you are busy. If they are busy they are busy. It is how you/they convey the message that you/they are busy and when you can see the other person (etc) that is important. Tone and the language used are communication keys. Just my opinion but if they say that they are too busy and they can not tell you if/when they can see you or communicate with you, unless there are some exceptional circumstances, they are trying to inadvertantly tell you something. If i have not heard from a partner for days or months and they come back with a "I am busy", without a valid explanation, then there is your answer. They are just to busy FOR YOU. Edited January 8, 2008 by Lee725
Author DJ Dancer Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 If a partner says "I am to busy" (without any kind of explanation) to me, i take it as an insult or a push away. If you care about someone and really want to talk/see/ring/email (whatever), i would say and expect this person to say that they really do want to catch up with me and will do so when they can (hours, days whatever). If you are busy you are busy. If they are busy they are busy. It is how you/they convey the message that you/they are busy and when you can see the other person (etc) that is important. Tone and the language used are communication keys. Just my opinion but if they say that they are too busy and they can not tell you if/when they can see you or communicate with you, unless there are some exceptional circumstances, they are trying to inadvertantly tell you something. If i have not heard from a partner for days or months and they come back with a "I am busy", without a valid explanation, then there is your answer. They are just to busy FOR YOU. I knew what he was busy with was his music..but I remember one time when I called him to talk to him about a disscussion we had the night before that had me upset and little crying he didn't even remember what I was talking about at first untill I explained further what happened last night and he was like well I'm going to be busy today recording and I will call you later tonight(he never did call) and I said okay and he was like I really am going to be recording saying it like I didn't believe him, but I did..
Lee725 Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 DJ he isnt going to return the call now. Gosh honey, you are going to rip yourself to shreds trying to work out the in's and out's of this. There are people in this life that we will never work out, they can be exactly like us or vastly different from us, but no matter how we go about it, no matter who we ask, we will never work them out because they are the only ones who know why they do or say things. If he was to speak to you now, he probably would not remember much at all. If He could not remember something upsetting you the night before you spoke to him, he sure isnt going to remember it 9 months later. Dj, just out of curiosity how old was he versus you. I am surious because if he is really young to you or much older than you it might influence the way he is acting now. I would like to be able to help you through this so me understanding a little better, might assist in the advice i can pass on to you.
Author DJ Dancer Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 DJ he isnt going to return the call now. Gosh honey, you are going to rip yourself to shreds trying to work out the in's and out's of this. There are people in this life that we will never work out, they can be exactly like us or vastly different from us, but no matter how we go about it, no matter who we ask, we will never work them out because they are the only ones who know why they do or say things. If he was to speak to you now, he probably would not remember much at all. If He could not remember something upsetting you the night before you spoke to him, he sure isnt going to remember it 9 months later. Dj, just out of curiosity how old was he versus you. I am surious because if he is really young to you or much older than you it might influence the way he is acting now. I would like to be able to help you through this so me understanding a little better, might assist in the advice i can pass on to you. We both are young I'm 20 and he just turned 21 over the summer of 2007..
Lee725 Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Thanks Dj, being a young man, although he was intense at the start, some young men (not all), are not grounded enough to stay in long term relationships. They tend to have short ones like what you had (1 month) and then move on. I know this is a very broad perspective but having been that age once (many moons ago) and having experienced men that age - Some (not all) are simply not ready for commitment, they "play the field". Women mature quicker than men, this can leave women at a point where they wont more from a relationship than a man does. (Not to say that this does not happen with older people also). What i am saying here may not offer you much comfort and apologize for that, but please stop trying to decipher is actions and behaviour from so long ago. It is doing you no good, you will not move on while you are doing this to yourself and at this point - i sincerely doubt you will ever get the answers from him that you want. We all get emotionally attached to people at some point, that is what brings us here - disconnecting that attachment to them and help to move on. In the case of your thread title, i believe at this point he does not want you to be a part of his life. (OUCH - i know, i am dealing with this aspect of previous relationships too). He does seem to busy to contact you, whether or not this is because he is actually busy (time wise) or is busy as an excuse.... this is irrelevant. What is relevant is letting go, moving on and accepting what has happened.
Author DJ Dancer Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 Thanks Dj, being a young man, although he was intense at the start, some young men (not all), are not grounded enough to stay in long term relationships. They tend to have short ones like what you had (1 month) and then move on. I know this is a very broad perspective but having been that age once (many moons ago) and having experienced men that age - Some (not all) are simply not ready for commitment, they "play the field". Women mature quicker than men, this can leave women at a point where they wont more from a relationship than a man does. (Not to say that this does not happen with older people also). What i am saying here may not offer you much comfort and apologize for that, but please stop trying to decipher is actions and behaviour from so long ago. It is doing you no good, you will not move on while you are doing this to yourself and at this point - i sincerely doubt you will ever get the answers from him that you want. We all get emotionally attached to people at some point, that is what brings us here - disconnecting that attachment to them and help to move on. In the case of your thread title, i believe at this point he does not want you to be a part of his life. (OUCH - i know, i am dealing with this aspect of previous relationships too). He does seem to busy to contact you, whether or not this is because he is actually busy (time wise) or is busy as an excuse.... this is irrelevant. What is relevant is letting go, moving on and accepting what has happened. Thanks for more insight, but he isn't too busy to talk to others I know that because I have checked comments of his and a mutal friend that he knows and he simply replied back to her without hesitation, but me on the other hand doesn't get anything back from him but ignored so he isn't too busy for others but too busy for me...
Lee725 Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Thanks for more insight, but he isn't too busy to talk to others I know that because I have checked comments of his and a mutal friend that he knows and he simply replied back to her without hesitation, but me on the other hand doesn't get anything back from him but ignored so he isn't too busy for others but too busy for me... That's the point DJ, he is too busy for you. He does not seem to want you in his life anymore. There isnt much more thought that could go into it (sorry). You seem to have the answers you seek in your own statements. The sooner you start to believe them the better off you will be. It hurts, but it will get better.
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