lovesparis Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 in summary: bf broke up with me 4 mo ago, i broke nc last week, it was not well received. i thought maybe that was the kick in the butt that i needed to get over him. today, i'm still finding reasons to hope we'll get back together. i feel it in my gut that it's the right thing. i want to do something crazy (like in a movie) that will show him that i feel that way. but he's made up his mind. so i just want to stop feeling hope. any thoughts on how to lose hope of getting back together?
Lyssa Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 any thoughts on how to lose hope of getting back together? What I did was, I kept myself busy with work, got involved in social activities and did the NC thing. It worked for me and now whenever I bump into him, I can actually just say hi and not feel anything at all. It's hard when one has already made up their mind, it's better to just move on. Not easy for one who is hurt but the hurt will go away with time.
ElvenPriestess Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 You have to give it more time. Refuse to call him, erase his number if you must. As the previous post said occupy yourself with other things. Don't think about him, don't dwell on it. Allow yourself to completely heal and move on. Any time you think of calling him, or you're missing him, call a friend. Ask to hang out. Don't even talk about him. Join a gym, take up hobbies. For me, surrounding myself with friends is the best way.
tkgirl Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 (edited) I feel your pain! I'm in the same boat right now... trying to get over someone that I thought was so right for me... but he ended up feeling differently. I am trying to accept his decision but it's hard! and I think we always want what we can't have. I find myself thinking about him constantly... figuring out ways to get him back etc. but there really isn't anything I can do! it sucks but that's the reality... so I just keep hoping that if I leave him alone long enough he eventually will figure it out that he does want me again in his life. Anyways, I wish I could help you but just wanted to say that you're not alone! I think almost everyone here has been in same situation. I really hope you get the help you need to move on. Remember to just keep loving yourself and realize that you are a good person who deserves to be happy! Edited January 7, 2008 by tkgirl
tkgirl Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 I thought maybe I'd share with you the things that I'm going to try to help me get over him. The first thing is that I'm going to start dating other guys... I actually have two and maybe even three dates this week alone! Not sure if this is a good idea or not, being that my heart is still trying to heal... but it couldn't hurt! I also just made an appointment to see a therapist to help me work through this and other issues... anyways, just wanted to share these ideas with you too and if you want I'll let you know how it goes with me! But you keep your chin up girl! Life is too short to be unhappy...
s_n_d Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 I feel your pain! I'm in the same boat right now... trying to get over someone that I thought was so right for me... but he ended up feeling differently. I am trying to accept his decision but it's hard! and I think we always want what we can't have. I find myself thinking about him constantly... figuring out ways to get him back etc. but there really isn't anything I can do! it sucks but that's the reality... so I just keep hoping that if I leave him alone long enough he eventually will figure it out that he does want me again in his life. Ive been living with that same hope for the past two months as well. I have never been able to do NC BUT today is the day Im going to leave him alone and see how long it takes before he initiates some kind of contact with me.
CalamitousJane Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 BUT today is the day Im going to leave him alone and see how long it takes before he initiates some kind of contact with me. You GO s_n_d. Now we're talkin'. Babysteps...
s_n_d Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 You GO s_n_d. Now we're talkin'. Babysteps... Haha Yeah. Babysteps, indeed. The first few days will be the hardest. And even right now Im tempted to call or text message him. But I know that I HAVE to do this now. Its all I have left. The longest Ive gone NC for is three days. Longest three days of my life.haha. Now im aiming for four days.
Lee725 Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 It is hard to loose hope untill you see something that slaps you in the face. I have accepted that my most recent EX has gone back to his EX (who is the mother of his child), by convincing myself of that i am able to let go because while he is with someone there is no chance. The fact that after 4 months you have contacted him and it is not well recieved, as you said is normally the kick in the butt that most people take as the finale (without actually seeing something tangable). Probably the best way to give up hope now is to try to meet other people yourself. Not to have another relationship, but to just get out there and perhaps you might meet someone who will interest you enough that your hope for your ex will disappear. Good luck
Author lovesparis Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 thanks for all your responses. for the most part, i'm already doing all those things that were suggested: seeing friends, dating, calling other people instead of him, etc etc. i just can't get the feeling that it's "right" out of my mind and my heart. i feel rather silly.
ElvenPriestess Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 thanks for all your responses. for the most part, i'm already doing all those things that were suggested: seeing friends, dating, calling other people instead of him, etc etc. i just can't get the feeling that it's "right" out of my mind and my heart. i feel rather silly. Don't feel silly, it still feels fresh on the surface, ready to re invade. But with time and the things you are doing to help, you will eventually be able to curl up in bed with hot tea and a good book, relax, and not have to worry about it creeping into your mind;)
Author lovesparis Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 i hope you're right. just the other night, i was sitting and thinking (always gets me in trouble) and i created this whole scenerio in my mind where after being single and getting over him for a year, i had started datign someone else, and we had been together for a year plus, and this ex contacted me out of the blue. and i told him i was with someone else. but i left the other guy anyway. firstly, who concocts these crazy scenerios and plays them out? secondly, if i think i would leave someone for my ex should he return, is it even fair to date someone? i'm so frustrated b/c i can't get over this guy. i've always been so strong and "if he makes you cry he's not worth your tears" or "i don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me". and now i want to be with someone who doesn't want me, and i cry all the time, yet i still wnat to fight for this relationship. and i can't figure out why this R has changed the way i think about them. it just dawned on me that maybe i'm having more difficulty getting over this R, b/c i see his mom daily. my work, where i met him, is a constant reminder. whereas, most of my R, after they ended, we either stayed friends, or were cut out. and i can't quit my job.
ElvenPriestess Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 i hope you're right. just the other night, i was sitting and thinking (always gets me in trouble) and i created this whole scenerio in my mind where after being single and getting over him for a year, i had started datign someone else, and we had been together for a year plus, and this ex contacted me out of the blue. and i told him i was with someone else. but i left the other guy anyway. firstly, who concocts these crazy scenerios and plays them out? secondly, if i think i would leave someone for my ex should he return, is it even fair to date someone? i'm so frustrated b/c i can't get over this guy. i've always been so strong and "if he makes you cry he's not worth your tears" or "i don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me". and now i want to be with someone who doesn't want me, and i cry all the time, yet i still wnat to fight for this relationship. and i can't figure out why this R has changed the way i think about them. it just dawned on me that maybe i'm having more difficulty getting over this R, b/c i see his mom daily. my work, where i met him, is a constant reminder. whereas, most of my R, after they ended, we either stayed friends, or were cut out. and i can't quit my job. Believe me you aren't the only one to make up possible scenarios in your mind. I have done it too. You will be ready to date some one new when you are at the point that you are over your ex and are 100% sure if he called today (when ever that day is) you'd tell him you are with some one new and very happy. It's not out of sight out of mind because of the job, and that's of course going to be even harder. But as you say you can't quit, so I guess it's a matter of finding new ways to deal with that part of it.
tkgirl Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 oh girl... I'm so sorry your having to deal with this pain! I know how much it hurts because as I told you in my other post, I am going through the SAME THING right now. Just woke up this morning thinking about him and started crying all over again... and it's been 3 weeks now since we talked last and even longer since I've seen him! Anyways, tomorrow I made an appointment with a therapist and I'll let you know how that goes if you want.. it's something I think you might want to consider as it can really help sort through your feelings. I really think there could be more to the story than just wanting these guys that we can't have etc. One more I wanted to say to you.... I don't think anyone should ever "lose hope" as you said in your subject title. Hope is so important! it's sometimes the only thing that keeps us going! Your "hope" just needs to be redirected... like instead of hoping that he'll come back to you.. hope that you will find a way to be really happy without him.. hope that you will find the right guy that WON'T EVER make you cry.. you get my point! So don't ever give up hope because you WILL get through this and be happy again!
Author lovesparis Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 thanks TK. you have a really valid point about redirecting hope. good luck with therapy. i've considered it, but i really can't afford a private practice, and b/c i have ins i'm not sure i can use community services. plus, i'm absolutely terrified that i would be the client the counselors dread seeing on their schedule. hopefully it works well for you.
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