CCNWV Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 As I read through the posts I'm seeing, and getting, advise to have no, or if you have kids, minimal contact with your spouse during a separation. If the goal is reconciliation this seems counter intuitive. I would think you would want to keep contact to avoid having your partner drift away so to speak. Also, the point of separation is for each partner to work on improving themselves. How will the other party know how that is going if there's no contact? Someone enlighten me please...If there's a handbook for this process, show me where it is. Thanks.
ElvenPriestess Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 If the goal is reconciliation then of course things aren't the same as if a separation is to lead to divorce. But during separation one key element is the need for space and time away so as to cool off. Both sides have the chance to evaluate things, think about everything that's going on, and really connect to what they them self are feeling with out the focus on the other person. Minimal contact is advised so as there is no pressure, no sense of smothering the space that is so needed in these cases. That is to say that calling five times a day every day to say "I miss you" isn't really a helpful thing. Too much contact from one side and the words involved can sometimes bring a sense of guilt about being separated and can speed things back along too quickly with out really working things out. Contact during a separation the way contact was during the togetherness will many times just stop the resolution process. It's ok to need space. That's the point of it.
ElvenPriestess Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 NC all together is most often for separated people intending on divorce. It helps the healing process, as well as stops temptation to get back together which would cause more hurt and damage. Hence the reason of breaking up in the first place. It's all situational.
Chrome Barracuda Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 NC is a thing where you get your emotions and feelings together just for you. Whether wanting to seperate or just needing peace and not wanting to feel pain. NC is equal to no new hurts. It gives you a chance to live your life without the person who you loved hurting you the most. And also it gives them a reason for them to miss you, also a reason for them to change for the better to come back if they desire. But NC is for you alone. The other party is not supposed to know what you have been doing. NC is for you to heal. Sometimes seperation is only gonna amount to divorce. But NC is essential for your growth as a person.
whichwayisup Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/ The best thread ever, all about NC.
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