long distance Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 i previously posted a thread about a ldr that is going ok ("need avice about a newish ldr"). it is more of long distance dating than a relationship though. i would take further steps....become more serious. but she is 1) way more realistic than i am (i am a total romantic), 2) just out of a serious relationship and not quite ready for a new one (particularly ld), and 3) has been in a few ldr's in the past and knows they suck. we had only known each other a short time before we moved to different locations. we knew this when we met. that we would be apart very soon. well issue is that she needs more space than i do. she needs time to process her last break up...which happened in late summer 07. and wants to date other people where she lives. see where things go with us. but not force it. mostly just see where it goes. thing is she is looking into being here where i live. not necessarily only because i am here. she is very strong/independent,,,and probably would think that doing such...especially at our stage would be pretty weak...but actually has a pretty nice offer career wise here. so i know she needs space...but how do i give her space but continue to have 'us' grow? also...i know that she is seeing other people where she lives. i have read about the 3 types of ldrs...one being where we are free to see other people while we are separated. which i think is pretty reasonable...especially in our situation...only having hung out for a short time before separation. but since i like her how do i make this ok? i am not the type of person that can date multiple women. like i said i am very hopelessly romantic. she can. she told me that she likes the interaction. having someone to do things with. i do believe her. she is in a new place...doesn't know many people...doesn't have the support group of friends that i have here...and is a cute, intelligent, mid-20's woman...so of course she gets offers to dinner...etc...from men. when i was out visiting her last week for about 5 days i am pretty sure that she called one of the guys that she is dating there. i am not sure why. didn't really ask. but wasn't too psyched about that. is that silly of me? unrealistic? from what i can tell...if we lived in the same place we would be together...and since we aren't she is dating. trying to use that to help. self preservation and such. she did tell me that she went on some dates with a man...and realized that she was doing so because he reminded her of me. which she thought was obviously unhealthy. so what i don't know is how much space is too much? how much is too little? how do i give here space...but still show her that i care for her...but don't look like an obsessive boyfriend. we are still in the courting stage...and with her thinking about moving here i don't want to scare her or make her uncomfortable. it is so hard to play it cool when all of these silly emotions get in the way!!!! if i didn't care at all about her it would be soooo much easier! women seem to love aloof!
Beauty28 Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 Same thing went on with me and my guy. Last summer we met on the plane while I was heading to Miami with some girlfriends. (He lives there.)Anyhow... We hung out a few times while I was there and had a great time and I really started to like him. Problem is, is that I knew that I was going to have to return to Denver. Anyhow, he had just gotten out of a relationship and I really really liked him. So here's the thing.... I had to just endure the painful weeks of being uncertain.... just like in any other relationship or dating scenario. To me, the truth is, is that if someone likes you, and there was chemistry and compatability there, then that person should still keep in touch. There were times that I didn't talk to him for like 2 weeks. And I was crushed because I was almost sure that he was out with some other chick. (Maybe he was.... but we were just dating) Anyhow... fast forward to 7 months later and we are closer than ever. There were some bumps in the road but the bottom line is that there will always be bumps in the road even when you are dating someone that lives in the same state. So here's my advice from someone who knows where your coming from: 1. Treat this time apart as an opportunity to get to know eachother better. Because when people fall for someone in the same state they tend to go 100mph to serious relationship status. The opportunity for you 2 is that you can really get to talk to each other. 2. If she just got out of a relationship, then she's going to need her space..... translation.... don't call too much... maybe like once or twice a week at most. 3. You need to get out there and date people too. I had to do that and too it was not any easier dating a person in the same state as it is in another state. When you dating someone you don't see them all that much anyway. 4. If you don't want to date people, get a hobby or something because all your going to do is stress yourself out over it and LDR's are hard already. 5. Try sending her some pictures. That way she won't forget you. 6. Just don't be psycho. The best thing to not be psycho is to be honest. What I did was that I treated him like he lived in the same state. We would email eachother and I'd tell him that I'd like to see him again. K... I am out of suggestions now. I will think of more later.
Author long distance Posted January 12, 2008 Author Posted January 12, 2008 thanks beauty 28. i am giving her some space for sure. she still calls me though...maybe 1-3 times a week...so we are in touch and that is good. looks like she will be coming here for a bit in feb...and i will actually be where she is in feb for 4-5 days...so i will get to see her. so we have plans to see each other and that is really nice. thank you for your advice... so do you and your friend live in the same place now? just curious. also what do you think about her calling another guy while i was there visiting? thanks -
Beauty28 Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 Thats good that she still calls you. Especially if it is that many times per week. That is more than my guy called me in the begining. Remember, there might be times that she gets busy and doesn't call for awhile.... make sure you DONOT get mad or irritated with her about it. Although if it is really bothering you, next time you talk to her, just bring it up casually. Anyway.... back to the situation at hand.... I am glad that you 2 are keeping in touch and have made plans to see eachother. Thats a great start. As far as me and my guy, we don't get to see eachother that often because he is a Lawyer and travels alot already as it is. Also he just opened his own business so he has been busy with that. Anyhow... we don't live in the same state because it may be too soon for me to try and move although I wouldn't mind staying in Miami anyway. However, he knows that I eventually want to be closer to him, and he knows that I have no objections about moving where he is. I'm still a student and I work but I am in a better position to relocate than he is. The fact that she called some other guy while you were there.... Hmmm... are you sure that she was talking to another guy? Could it have been just a friend? If she had something to hide then she may not have answered while you were around. But on the same token, it is considered rude if she did take calls while hanging out with you. But since this is all so new.... I wouldn't think anything of it.
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