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To all the loveshackers who seem to have the answers to most questions answer this

LoveIsABeauty

By LoveIsABeauty
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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LoveIsABeauty

LoveIsABeauty

Posted
Posted (edited)

To all the loveshackers who seem to have the answers to most questions answer this:

 

Me and this guy were having a great time being in love when all of a sudden he felt that it was time to break my heart. So he did in the worst way possible. How? Well first we were supposedly serious about each other. Second we were currently in a LDR (we weren’t always). Third we had a great conversation filled with phone love, fun chit chat, and an emotional talk. If I was a betting woman I would put my money on the emotional talk even though we had it before but since I’m not a betting woman I can’t really say why he just left without NO explanation. So after promising he could and would never break my heart or leave me because I was like family and he could never do that to family and how he loved me and all that and after believing him and getting off the phone the same way we always do which is all lovey dovey and him not wanting me to get off the phone and him telling me I had to call him tomorrow and all that it was over. Why? Because when I called him like 2 weeks later (this is normal with us because of the expenses of LD) I find that he turned off his phone and kept it turned off for the next 2 months and then turns it back on answers my call and pretends he doesn’t know me and hangs up on me or pretends he doesn’t hear me and then hangs up on me and that’s the end of that.

 

Now you tell me what went on because I sure as hell am curious.

I just can’t wait until I see his face again because I damn sure want to know how he will act towards me and so I could give him the beating he deserves. All I know is how dare he put me through this pain. How dare he do this to me when he knows we will always be connected by our families. After he begged me to trust him. After all the love he showed me. After everything. After he promised me that he wouldn’t break my heart or leave me right after that he goes and does it. It just doesn’t make sense at all.

 

The sad part is I still love him. I still want to be with him. I still believe in my heart that when we see each other again we’ll make amends and get back together and no matter what I say to myself or what I do to try to get over him my heart just won’t let go. Every fiber of my being is screaming to have faith and patience but I just can’t do this anymore. It’s been so long and I just want to know. I just want to know what the future holds. I just want to know if we will end up together or not…

Edited by LoveIsABeauty
ElvenPriestess Established Member

ElvenPriestess

Posted
Posted

Geeze, that's tough right there. It sounds like things were great and you had no warning signs. I can see two possibilities here. One, dare I say it, he was cheating on you, or at the very least met some one. And maybe for him the easiest thing was to pretend he doesn't know you instead of confessing? Or that he has some sort of issue going on that you don't even know about where he needs therapy. Because that's pretty out there. I don't think you mentioned it, how long had you two been together?

child_of_isis Established Member

child_of_isis

Posted
Posted

I think this is typical of today's break ups.

 

Folks just pretty much stop answering their cells when they want to move on.

 

He is probably seeing someone else.

Ronni_W Established Member

Ronni_W

Posted
Posted

Maybe he got tired of the bullying and sense of entitlement that you've demonstrated by thinking/typing stuff like...

...so I could give him the beating he deserves. ...how dare he put me through this pain. How dare he do this to me
ElvenPriestess Established Member

ElvenPriestess

Posted
Posted
Maybe he got tired of the bullying and sense of entitlement that you've demonstrated by thinking/typing stuff like...

 

Even if this is accurate he needs to be a man and speak up, not just bail.

vivrantflo Established Member

vivrantflo

Posted
Posted

That is brutal.. I'm actually surprized you're considering taking him back.. BEFORE he even apologizes for his actions..

 

The guy bailed for 2 MONTHS, and then pretends he doesn't know you when he calls you back?? How old is he?? 12?

 

You can do much, much better than that. I would advise that you take time to yourself to get over him, and never talk to him again. wow that was harsh.

 

And even if he came back begging.. why would u want him? He's obviously shown that he's unpredictable, so you'd be living in fear during the relationship.. and the fact that you two are long distance doesn't help much either.

 

What a creep.

s_n_d Established Member

s_n_d

Posted
Posted
That is brutal.. I'm actually surprized you're considering taking him back.. BEFORE he even apologizes for his actions..

 

The guy bailed for 2 MONTHS, and then pretends he doesn't know you when he calls you back?? How old is he?? 12?

 

You can do much, much better than that. I would advise that you take time to yourself to get over him, and never talk to him again. wow that was harsh.

 

And even if he came back begging.. why would u want him? He's obviously shown that he's unpredictable, so you'd be living in fear during the relationship.. and the fact that you two are long distance doesn't help much either.

 

What a creep.

 

I agree. You read my mind, vivrantflo.

HokeyReligions Established Member

HokeyReligions

Posted
Posted

The hardest part is the Not knowing. Who can Really know what's in another person's heart. My husband surprises me still sometimes, and I him and we've been together over 25 years and gone thru a LOT.

 

I understand your anger and hurt. Sadly, it sounds like the best thing for you to do is find a way to come to grips with the fact that you probably will never know or understand why he treated you this way. That is the hardest thing because you get no closure - nothing to mark the spot in your life where you deal with the reason and move forward - the not knowing is an extra road-block to recovery.

 

What a chickens**t thing for him to do. Knowing that someone you love can treat people that way is painful in its own right. I'm very sorry for your pain and I do wish you well and a healthy recovery to be able to move forward.

Ronni_W Established Member

Ronni_W

Posted
Posted
Even if this is accurate he needs to be a man and speak up, not just bail.

That's so true, EP. Him not communicating his side of the problem is dysfunctional, as well. He might also have done his (dysfunctional) version of trying to express his side of things and just was not heard or taken seriously. An aggressive personality sometimes cannot hear other people's problems too clearly.

OTOH, I would not go out of my way to act all functional and honest with a bully -- why put myself in harm's way?

 

Have a happy day -- hope things are going okay for you.

timjones0674 Member

timjones0674

Posted
Posted

First, this guy is very immature. No question there. Never date a guy in his early twenties and expect quality. Meaning, young guys can not think of anything more than themselves.

 

Second, let me tell you what actually happened. He lost attraction for you because he caught you. Meaning, in the beginning he really wanted you and so as he chased you and built huge amounts of attraction. At some point, though, you were looking to build a real relationship with him and make him a part of your life. This is the point where he probably thinks he caught you and his interest level started to fall. Meaning, for him, once he caught you, you were not really as interesting to him anymore.

 

Think of it like holding a treat to a dog. When you have the treat in hand, they will do almost anything to get it. Once you give it to him (Meaning you), though, he will not be interested anymore and will look for another treat. The key in getting better at time is to never really let anyone catch you. Once you master this skill, you will have very fufilling longterm relationships.

 

Good Luck!! :)

alwayshurt Established Member

alwayshurt

Posted
Posted

you said you two are connected through family. If that is correct, is it possible that somebody told him that, for istance, you cheated on him or something like that? somebody that doesn't like you and wants you to break up. Although what many people said in this post is completely true, i also think that it doesn't make much sense that this guy out of the blue pretends not to know you. I mean, unless he has very serious mental issues, i believe his attitude towards you is very weird.

That is my guess....

LoveIsABeauty

LoveIsABeauty

Posted
Posted (edited)

Thanks you all so much for trying to help me out. You have no idea how much I appreciate this! But yeah there is no way for me to know what happened unless he tells me. I mean the possibilities on why he would do that is endless and as much as I’ve tried to make sense of it and tried to figure out what went wrong or what it is that happened I know that I will never know unless he decides to tell me. We could all have our interpretations but who knows which if any are right. I mean it could be anything you all mentioned or something else, I just find it so obsurdingly weird how he went about doing it.

 

It’s just that I swear to God none of this makes sense and it’s killing me and no matter how much I tell myself it’s done it’s over time to move on, my heart and head won’t listen. It would just scream back that’s it’s not over. Why? I mean so many months passed since this happened and as much as I’ve grown and learned from this and became stronger I just can’t let go. I want to and I’m not scared to but because every fiber of my being is telling me that’s it’s not over between us (meaning for now it might be over but when we see each other again it will start up again) there is nothing much I could now is there?

 

The thing that gets to me the most though is our so called family connection. I will be seeing him again (so again I don’t know why he did this since at some point he has to face it) and I don’t think I want to. I mean how heart wrenching! I wouldn’t know how to act or be or what to say or anything. I’m just so angry at the situation I’m in with him and I have no idea what to do!

Edited by LoveIsABeauty
LoveIsABeauty

LoveIsABeauty

Posted
Posted (edited)

So I just need advice again!

 

Well we have been together for like a month and then like around 5 months long distance. And yeah when it happened I thought maybe he did find someone else but it somehow didn't make sense because right after our conversation? It seems highly unlikely but then again maybe. And yeah I thought it could have been some family issue about me but that doesn't make sense either. And lost interest? Um I'm not so sure about that. Maybe he just got scared? Or long distance was not working for him anymore and he just couldn't tell me? It could be anything I guess. I wish I could just know!

 

I just had a hard time today. I just saw pictures of us together with both our families and whatnot and I'm just so sad. I wish I could move on. I really really do. I have tried everything and more to move on and I'm still stuck on him. Its been so long and I just don't know what to do anymore.

 

I haven't called him for months and months and months and I changed my number when it happened so there is no way for him to contact me even if he ever wanted to. Sometimes I want to call him just to see how he is doing. To see what's up. To see what he says but I always talk myself out of it. My friends kept telling me to just call him but I just can't. I know I will be staying over at his family's house eventually and I'm terrified of what will happen or how to act or whatever around him. What would you do?

 

I really need some advice on this.

 

Thanks!

Edited by LoveIsABeauty
Lee725 Established Member

Lee725

Posted
Posted
What would you do?

I really need some advice on this.

 

I would stay as far away from him as possible.

Whether you have the urge to "give him the beating he deserves" or call and say "how are you?" neither is going to get you anywhere.

 

If family commitments arise find out through family if he is going to be there, if so don't go.

Your family would know what has happened and surely respect your decision not to be around him.

From what i have read, my interpretation screams - he is with someone else.

Any family gathering would put you into her path also.

 

Let this go, (i know easy for me to say), you will achieve no resolution by contacting him, beating him or seeing him.

He has already shown that he does not wish to remain in contact with you and has demonstrated that he is unwilling to give you the answers you seek, therefore attempting to dissect the situation and his actions is only going to cause you more grief.

LoveIsABeauty

LoveIsABeauty

Posted
Posted (edited)

I will not give him a beating lol. I see that all the readers are taking that statement a little too far! But yeah you are right it is not going to get me anywhere. But I do have a question:

 

You really think he is with someone else? Maybe so but it sort of doesn’t make any sense. I mean he started seeing this so called person right after our conversation? Then why turn off your phone for so long. Why answer afterwards and stay silent on the phone and then hang up. Why answer again. I don’t know it all seems a bit shady to me. Couldn’t he have just lied and made up some excuse? I mean it’s not like he’s never going to see me again so it’s not like he’s dodging the break up talk. Well whatever I guess it is what it is.

 

Yeah I know, I haven’t contacted him and I’m not planning to. Seeing him is another story altogether. I WILL end up seeing him. I’m pretty sure about that despite what I try to do. I’m just hung up on the fact that I really don’t know what happened and I really want to know. I want either him to tell me or someone close to him to tell me what the deal is. Have I mentioned that this just sucks!!

 

I personally believe or at least it makes the most sense that he just didn’t want to have an LDR anymore. I personally believe that he just wanted to live his life, go out, have fun, meet girls and whatnot because he wasn’t ready to deal with our so called future yet. I personally believe that he got scared that our relationship was turning a bit too serious for his taste so he did what he thought was best. I personally believe that he probably still would have feelings for me if he saw me again and if we didn’t have to do a LDR we would most definitely be together for sure.

 

I mean there is a difference. If this happened and 6 months later he saw me I would probably say I wouldn’t have a chance because he would still be in that frame of mind but I’m talking after 2 or 3 years. I feel like we’ll get back together. I don’t know why I feel that way but I do and it’s not because I want to get back together or I’m hoping we’ll get back together I just feel like we would and it’s something I can’t explain. And because I can’t explain it I feel like it can’t be true or something if that makes any sense. Because of this feeling I can’t let go and move on :mad: I really want to let go and move on. You guys have no idea how much I just want to forget about him and move on!!

Edited by LoveIsABeauty
Lee725 Established Member

Lee725

Posted
Posted
You really think he is with someone else? Maybe so but it sort of doesn’t make any sense. I mean he started seeing this so called person right after our conversation? Then why turn off your phone for so long.

He probably didn't, but i think (don't know for sure), if you block someones number they get the "turned off message"

-anyone know for sure?

Yes i believe he may be seeing someone else - sorry

pretending not to hear someone, hanging up, etc are indications that there might be someone standing near him he does not want to know who is on the line.

 

The other thing is after being with him a month, then going 5 months LDR, it might be just me, but would you not both need more than a once a fortnight phone call? (i do not condone cheating by the way)

 

Why answer afterwards and stay silent on the phone and then hang up.

if this was me, i would do it because maybe i had deleted the number then forgotten it, when i answered and heard the voice, i don't want to talk to them, so i hang up.

 

Also you have said you changed your number so he could not contact you, did you ring him on the old number or the new one? (me a little confused maybe not reading posts properly)

 

Couldn’t he have just lied and made up some excuse?

Perhaps he didn't want to lie but didn't want to tell the truth either. figuring it was better just to leave it alone (as harsh as that sounds)

 

You guys have no idea how much I just want to forget about him and move on

many of us do know, it can be so hard to do it, many of the people here struggle everyday just to get out of bed & breathe.

I hope you start to feel better soon.

LoveIsABeauty

LoveIsABeauty

Posted
Posted (edited)

Yeah I know for sure he didn’t block me. I’m pretty sure his phone was turned off. Yeah he could be seeing someone but for some reason I don’t believe that because his behavior just doesn’t make sense. But if you do think so could you tell me how he could find another girl so quick or how he became serious with that girl so quick because it was only a few weeks between the last conversation I had with him and to tell you the truth the conversation we had held absolutely no indication that he was getting disinterested or whatever… absolutely none. Like I know people could change their minds overnight because it has happened to many people but…

 

I mean yeah our relationship isn’t typical because we don’t talk so much and all that but it was established and that’s why I’m confused. I mean if you have a problem with the relationship then you make it sound like you do, not the opposite. I mean seriously, if I was not feeling the relationship anymore even though I loved the guy I would probably slowly drop off the radar. Like answer the phone but try to get off quickly with him, make excuses to get off the phone, things like that up until I do what he did. But no he was completely normal. The last conversation was absolutely great on both sides. He didn’t even want me to get off the phone. He was begging for me to call him the next day and all. I mean it was as good as always. Plus he told me that he couldn’t hurt me and all and then right after does this um? I know it happens but yet again it doesn’t make sense.

 

Another thing is that I understand your point of view on the hang ups; I mean I probably would do the same but get this: He would answer me then pretends not to hear me then I realize he does hear me when he goes me don't speak English really weirdly(I speak to him in our language but said a few words in English when he said that) then hangs up. This takes over a few minutes why? But I called right after that hang up and he answered again. Why answer? But this time he stays silent on the phone listening to me say can you hear me can you hear me and all that and he’s still on the line completely silent but then out of nowhere he goes yes I hear you in this voice that sounded angry and a bit cold um? I got shocked and was like what? And he stayed on the line silent for awhile then hangs up…um again? So that’s how it is. Weird but maybe someone here has an explanation. I feel like something happened but I don’t know what.

 

Oh yeah he doesn’t have my new number I used my old number and then right after the incident I changed my number and never called again. Why should I? I was really hurt and really angry. I know so many of us just want to move on and I feel for everyone. I just pray that God gives us all heaps of strength.

 

Thanks!

Edited by LoveIsABeauty
  • 3 weeks later...
LoveIsABeauty

LoveIsABeauty

Posted
Posted

So I'm sadly back again because of an unbelievable urge to call him and this urge just wont quit. My really good friend told me to just call him and see what happens and she really believes that I should give him a call. I'm not really sure. I want to call him just to see..just to know that if it is really over or if he is willing to talk to me about things or whatever. Another part of me says to just wait until the day you see him and bear with the pain the comes along with the wait.

 

I'm just sick of the hope. Sick of not getting over it. I just hate what I'm going through and I'm really angry at myself for not being able to get over him. Its like no matter what I try to do he's still on my mind. I probably went though the grieving process a million times. I've accepted what happened I just can't move on.

 

Right now I'm itching to call him. I want to call him soooo bad. It's been like over 9 months since we talked and I just don't know if there is ever a good time to call. I'm just so confused but my friend is telling my I should call. I don't know what to do!!! I know that if I call it probably won't make me feel any better. I really don't have any expectations. I'm betting he would hang up on me or do something of that sort. I really don't think I care. I just want to satisfy my curiosity maybe...I don't know..

 

I need advice on this ASAP please!!!!!

sandflea Established Member

sandflea

Posted
Posted

OK - first off - do NOT call him under any circumstances. Deal with your grief on your own, or with your friends, and NC all the way.

 

You need to reclaim enough confidence and power so that when you see him, you don't get all puppy-eyed or sad or dramatic. You really need to practice visualizing this, because, as you say - you WILL be seing him at family gatherings and outings. You need to be strong now.

 

Next time you see him - you must look at him passively - no emotion. Maybe even smile a little. Then ignore him. Visualize him as the 7 year old he is. Treat him like a little boy, because he's not a man.

 

He acted so very very rotton. This is how guys get a bad name. Avoid him for now, and when you do see him, think of him as a confused child, because that's what he is.

 

Hang in there. Someone worthy of you will come along soon - especially if you can deal with this situation with poise, grace and show some dignity.

 

Warning: When he sees you this way he probably WILL want to try again... But why date a child???

 

SF

 

So I'm sadly back again because of an unbelievable urge to call him and this urge just wont quit. My really good friend told me to just call him and see what happens and she really believes that I should give him a call. I'm not really sure. I want to call him just to see..just to know that if it is really over or if he is willing to talk to me about things or whatever. Another part of me says to just wait until the day you see him and bear with the pain the comes along with the wait.

 

I'm just sick of the hope. Sick of not getting over it. I just hate what I'm going through and I'm really angry at myself for not being able to get over him. Its like no matter what I try to do he's still on my mind. I probably went though the grieving process a million times. I've accepted what happened I just can't move on.

 

Right now I'm itching to call him. I want to call him soooo bad. It's been like over 9 months since we talked and I just don't know if there is ever a good time to call. I'm just so confused but my friend is telling my I should call. I don't know what to do!!! I know that if I call it probably won't make me feel any better. I really don't have any expectations. I'm betting he would hang up on me or do something of that sort. I really don't think I care. I just want to satisfy my curiosity maybe...I don't know..

 

I need advice on this ASAP please!!!!!

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