solo Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 Hi everyone, I don't think this message completely belongs in this forum, but it fits better here than any of the other forums and I would really appreciate some help on this matter. I tried searching google to solve this problem on my own and I've asked my friends for help, but obviously nothing is really working. In a nut shell, I cannot get a guy out of my head even though I need to. Here is the story. I knew Ben for almost 3 years. We knew each other threw work; we were in different departments but would see and interacted with each other on a weekly basis. I started working at the company when I was 21 and I was a very young 21; I'll admit it. Ben was 27, highly intelligent, attractive, easy to talk to and of course he had a girlfriend. He would flirt with me, but in an innocent way, nothing to harsh. For instance, if I was sitting at a computer and asked for his help, he would slide over and keep his leg pressed against mine. Or if we were seated next to each other at a conference, he would start to play footsies with me under the table. I noticed whenever I would go over to his department to talk with someone, he would come over and join the conversation. I was immediately attracted to him the first time I saw him and the attraction never, and still hasn't, waned. But there also seemed to a connection I had with him that I never had with anyone else before. Each time our eyes met it felt like he was looking deep inside me; and when we talked it felt like that too because he was able to understand what I said as well as what I didn't. Despite my intense attraction to Ben, I knew he was out of my league and he had a girlfriend, so he was off limits. Plus, he was much more experienced than me and that made me a little nervous to even think of pursuing a relationship with him. I don't let people get close to me easily, but Ben managed to break through my exterior and start to see who I really was and I liked it. I left the company after 2 years, but hated my new job. For some odd reason, I e-mailed Ben and asked for his advice. We were never very close before this, our relationship was mostly one of flirtation and attraction. Then everything changed. We corresponded through e-mails and over the phone and Ben instantly became one of my biggest confidants. I ended up going back to the same company Ben worked at, but things were different between us. He was no longer the flirtatious Ben I knew. I hadn't been gone that long- about 6-7 months- but it felt so different between us. Before, he would easily put his arm around me or hold my hand. I could tell he was still interested in me, but now he wanted to talk more than flirt. It's hard to describe how he made me feel. I always felt so comfortable with him; so safe. Others noticed it too and asked me what was going on between us. I would say "nothing, we're just friends" and they would shake their heads in disbelief and say "if you say so." He had a girlfriend, a different one than when I first started the company, but still, a girlfriend. He never cheated on her with me. But we would have lunch together and I was confiding in him a lot; he helped me try to decide exactly what I wanted to do with my life. I have friends, but none of them understood me like Ben. Ben always tried to make me be the best me I could be and no matter what problem I was facing, after talking to him about it, I knew everything would be okay- he never solved my problems for me, he just helped me arrive at the solutions. As right as everything felt with Ben, I was trying not to get too close because I knew he was getting transferred to a different part of the country and therefore I most likely would never see him again. About a month before he transferred, he got really weird; he was barely around, wouldn't respond to my e-mails (I didn't send many, maybe 2 or 3, I was trying to return something of his before he left), and just becoming very distant. I finally asked him what was going on (probably not the best idea, but I don't like games, and if he didn't want me to contact him anymore I wanted to know). He apologized for being MIA and said he had been so busy and was really sorry he was ignoring me and that he had been doing that to alot of people recently. I went to his going away party and that was the last I saw of him. That was about 8 months ago. Oh, and he is no longer with his girlfriend. It is so wrong that I cannot stop thinking of him. But I feel like one of my best friends just packed up, left and took some of my heart with him. I've had other love interests since he left, but nothing helps. I think about him often (not 24/7, but a week hasn't gone by that I haven't wondered what he's up to). All I want to do is e-mail him and find out how he's doing, how his job is going, how he likes the new area, etc. I don't know what I'm looking to get out an interaction with him - maybe to have a friend back. I just miss him and don't know if I should contact him or just be done with that chapter of my life and move on.
GreenEyedLady Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 He's not married, doesn't have a girlfriend...If you want to email him, then why not? If you're just wanting to be friends, I don't see the problem at all... Now if you're expecting a LDR, then I don't think that's going to happen since he didn't start dating you before he left, but who knows...Just have expectations of being friends and go from there...
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