Dolly Dagger Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 Bittersweet. Tomorrow is the first day of my career as an accountant. I am about to graduate college and have accepted an excellent position with a really big firm. However exciting that may seem I am losing the role of an at-home-mother. I am in tears as I write this. For the past 3 year and 3 months I have been home with my daughter. Everyday we have been together for everything. And, now there will be two days a week where I will leave before she wakes and return after she is asleep as I will be attending night school. To me, that is huge and saddening. Essentially, I became an accountant for her. So that I can make sure that she is properly cared for. So we will never have to worry about money. So that she can have all of the things that she needs and go to a good college so she can be successful, too. Knowing all of that doesn't make it any easier. I will, from this point on, be missing all of those "firsts". The first time she writes her name, the first time she does something that she is proud of... I won't be there to see it and share in her happiness. This sucks.
Green Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 well just make sure you get what you want out of life.
centered Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 I was faced with the same dilemma with my daughter a few years ago, and I decided to start my own business -- basically, just consulting -- and set my own hours so I could make her breakfast, pack her lunch, be involved in her school functions, and be there when she got home. I did that for five years. It meant a terrific pay cut, and we had very little money to spend, but I don't regret a minute of it. that kind of quality time was priceless, and she still appreciates all that we did back then, and still talks about how lucky she was to have *me* as a stay at home mom. It couldn't last, though. I had to go back and get a regular 9 - 6 job to start saving for my retirement and her college, and we've seen less of each other the past 2 years. But she's 15 now, and has a fairly full social life with good friends I like -- and I know all of them very well from years of PTA and chaperoning -- and I trust her judgment. If it's possible for you, could you work out of your home until she's a little older? Those years when they're young are so important to both of you -- it's where the deepest and strongest bond forms. I don't know how old yours is right now, but if she's not yet in high school, see if you can make ends meet doing part time work or your own business. With my own business, I worked 50 hours a week, but I did it after she went to bed, a little bit on weekends when she had play dates, and anywhere in between. It was hard, but wonderful, too!
Trimmer Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 Dolly: Can we assume that the 3 years and 3 months is her current age? Just to be clear... Who will be caring for her on those days when you will be doing your night school and job, etc.? Is her father in the picture?
JaneInVegas Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 I feel for you. Classes won't last that long though, right? So really, it's only going to be tough while you're still taking classes. Life is full of tough choices, we have to make the best of what we are dealt. I stayed at home while my daughter was a baby, and only worked part time while her dad went to college and got an associates degree. I pushed him to go to college because we had been struggling so hard for so long. In retrospect, I wish that I had gone back to college instead of him. Yes it's bitter sweet, but the payoffs are in your future, not in your present. Good luck to you!
Meaplus3 Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 Bittersweet. Tomorrow is the first day of my career as an accountant. I am about to graduate college and have accepted an excellent position with a really big firm. However exciting that may seem I am losing the role of an at-home-mother. I am in tears as I write this. For the past 3 year and 3 months I have been home with my daughter. Everyday we have been together for everything. And, now there will be two days a week where I will leave before she wakes and return after she is asleep as I will be attending night school. To me, that is huge and saddening. Essentially, I became an accountant for her. So that I can make sure that she is properly cared for. So we will never have to worry about money. So that she can have all of the things that she needs and go to a good college so she can be successful, too. Knowing all of that doesn't make it any easier. I will, from this point on, be missing all of those "firsts". The first time she writes her name, the first time she does something that she is proud of... I won't be there to see it and share in her happiness. This sucks. Dolly, I very much feel for your right now, this is never easy. While I am still a fulltime stay at hme mom, I know of many other mother's that were faced with the same situation as you now are and I know it was tough for all of them at first, however it did get easier with time. What your doing for your daughter career wise is so fantastic. You will be going back to work to provide her with the best care possible, take pride in that. I wish you the best! Hug's!! AP:)
Author Dolly Dagger Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 My Daughter is 3 years and 3 months to the day. She will be staying home with her father who quit his job to take care of her so that I could accept this position. The job he had paid considerably less and was an easily 12-14 hour days. There would have been no way. He is going to seek employment else where but I am content letting him raise her for a while longer while I am at work. When he does find a job suitable to her daycare hours so that he can be there to pick her up he will accept it. She will be going to a really nice "private school" daycare. They are structured and required to wear uniforms, yet have an amazing play groud and other fun activities. They off nutritious foods, too. All of which I am glad for. She has been asking to go to school since I took her on a tour in mid august. She is ready to be around other little people and doing something different than what I have been providing for her. I think she is more ready than I am! Today was a really good day at my new job. I really like the place and am glad I made the decision. My husband and I are divorcing so I cannot stay at home with her. It's just not an option. I need to get out there and make a living to support her. We are trying to remain as amicable as possible in re: to taking care of the kids. We bicker and fight all of the time because we simply are not a good match. But, I am willing to support him while he cares for her and finds a job that will be good for him and for her schdule. He will be watching her for me as I attend school for my Masters work. Thank you all for taking the time to read my thread and offer me support in ths rough time. I really appreciate it.
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