Getting the heck out and starting over.

[zilverenvlinder]

So, I'm sure some of you are familiar with me, and the story of how my boyfriend proposed to me, and right after I found out he'd been having an affair with some trashy skank. It was about six or seven months ago that I found out, and I've been carrying with me like a loaded gun since. It's making me crazy. It's always in the back of my mind.

 

I'm always checking his phone and making sure he doesn't go on Facebook, (and when he does, I have his password, last time I checked she was still messaging him and he was not responding), so since then there hasn't been any substantial problems. He has sworn on his life that he would never do this again, and there has been much effort on his part to show me he hasn't.

 

We do live together, and we have two little dogs, whom I love very much. But I'm afraid the paranoia will never end. I will continue to check his phone and worry about what he's doing until I'm old and using a walker, even though he's proven himself trustworthy since then. We live together, by the way.

 

I just don't think I can do it anymore.

 

We live in Wisconsin, and I have an okay paying job, but it's depressing and I work all day dealing with angry people and I hate the weather here and I don't have any friends, anymore. I know it sounds like I'm complaining but I am just horribly depressed. Probably more than I've ever been in my life. I wake up early every morning so I can cry in the shower. Then I think about our little bitch princess and most of the time it causes me to vomit, especially in the morning. Seriously.

 

I'm thinking of starting a savings account, JUST for this purpose, and saving my extra money so I can move somewhere else. All by myself. I don't want anyone to know where I'm going, I just need to start over. Preferably somewhere warm. I hear the cost of living in Fort Myers FL is about the same as it is here, anyway.

 

Does anyone have any suggestions for me? Do you think I'm being an absolute idiot? I'm 24 and I do not have a college degree. I actually flunked out of a few college classes due to sheer 18 year old laziness, so my GPA is significantly messed up. Do you think I could do it? And if so, is it a good idea?

 

If I don't do something soon I feel like I'm going to hurl myself over a balcony.

 

Thanks

 

<3 z

[Florida]

I think you can do it Z, starting over somewhere new with no history, immersing yourself in everything new, can be exhilarating.

 

I don’t think you are complaining. All those things you described can pull anyone down.

I believe you can do it, what about school?

 

Is there anything you want to pursue?

Applying to advanced education and living in a dorm or off campus in an all new state is also another option, assuming you haven’t done that already.

 

Do it, do it do it do it!

 

Nature abhors a vacuum (I'm not sure exactly what that means, I interpret it as stagnation brings bad things) , make the changes you need to, if you don’t do it now it only gets harder later.