Lucasarts Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 He just may have meant the mixed signals had to do with how long and well the date was going. Remember, both parties are quite nervous so something being said out of line often times is a result of this. And I still say his intentions may have been nothing more than spending more time with Phoenix. May have, we don't know for sure. I do think you need to draw the lines a little with him so there are no mixed signals, and that you don't come across as a prude. Simply explain to him that it takes you quite awhile to feel comfortable enough to have someone over and you don't sleep with anyone until you have established some type of a relationship. Like I said, if he has any decency to him, then this won't be a problem and you won't have to worry about sending mixed signals. I have told dates that myself and it seems to relax the evening. I have also had girls tell me it takes them awhile to feel comfortable about having sex and if I have any interest in them at all, I don't let that deter anything. Yes, contrary to some of the thoughts of the other posters, not all men are looking to get laid. I won't have sex with anyone until there have been a few dates and somewhat of a relationship exists. I have tried the quick romp and don't find it enjoyable. I am also not very attracted to girls who will do it on the 1st date. Call me a prude, but I do value a woman who hasn't slept with every date she has had. Hopefully you are meeting again and he is not picking you up. Did you take my advise and try to meet somewhere closer to him? Relax, be yourself, if you are up front with him about your intentions, getting a sudden urge to make out with him shouldn't send any mixed signals, lol.....Good luck!!! um well i just have point out that again he is probably trying to get laid (musta been a long time figuring his insistency) because i have a friend who acts just like this...and even roxy agrees with me also, hes telling you that you were giving him mixed signals? lol thats complete bull**** and he knows it, hes trying to guilt trip you into sleeping with him. sorry, but unless he cant read a woman's body language at all than hes full of it. its up to u what u want to do with this guy, honestly tho, if hes looking for the real thing then he wouldnt have been so insistent and drunk on the first date. He hardly knows you despite the amount of time together.
amerikajin Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 I'm a guy, and I say you did nothing wrong. In fact, I think the guy's a weirdo but that's what you get in the world of online dating, people who don't have the social skills to score dates in real life so they're left to rely on shopping techniques. I mean no offense: I've used online dating before but I see it for what it is. In some cases, yes, it's a means to an end and can be an easy one at that if you know how to do online dating right. But I digres... I think the guy is really pushy. Seriously, I would not expect anything just because I paid for a meal. I dropped ten bucks on some chick I met a few days ago today at a coffee shop - my pleasure. I don't care if anything comes of it or not (at least not yet). This guy not only insists on going back to your place but is practically begging for a date soon. What's the rush? Why is this guy in such a hurry to get all that close to you? I'm sure you're a great gal and all but it's like the guy is desperate. "I know it's our first date but feel like it's our third" -- probably because he has no idea what a third date feels like. Wonder why.
TotalChaos Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 I think you did exactly what you should have done on the first date. I don't have a good vibe about this situation. Seems like he is a little too eager if you ask me. No way should he point the blame on you and say that you were giving him mixed signals. He also shouldn't have been so persistant in coming back to your place aftwards. After you told him no the first time that should have been it. I see a huge red flag with this guy. I believe he's the type that could be very controling and possesive in a relationship. Best of luck to you in dealing with this guy. I know you like him, but be careful.
shockandawed Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 Just bumping the thread because it is late Thursday night and was wondering how the second date went? C'mon Phoenix, don't leave us hanging, lol!!
Author Phoenix11 Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 Just bumping the thread because it is late Thursday night and was wondering how the second date went? C'mon Phoenix, don't leave us hanging, lol!! Hey Shock....always glad to hear from you. Haven't had second date yet, but not from a lack of trying (on his part). Ok..first date last Saturday...you know how that went. He IM me on Monday, and wanted to get together after work. Short notice, so I planned on Thursday. He counters with Tuesday, stating he can't wait to see me again. High stake negotiation...lol. I reluctantly agreed...(I am usually whipped after work and just want to go home and crash). Anyhoo...Tuesday he calls mid day to confirm...I cancel...day was just too hectic. He now suggests Wednesday...no can do, it's my brothers birthday. Now we are back to my original Thursday...ugh. Without asking he says he will be at the sports bar where we met at 5:30 on Thursday and he will see me there. Time to put on the brakes...he is being pushy and stubborn. I told him this week is not working out for either one of us, so let's just plan something for next weekend. Don't get me wrong...I am digging him, but just want to pace myself and feel him out. He just seems to be too amorous too quickly.
Leoni Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 It's easy to see why you want to slow this down but games won't help, if eventually, you want this to turn into a relationship. He's too pushy, which causes you to pull back; and using a guilt trip to soften you up for the next date. In a discreet way, why not tell him so, instead of playing games?
Author Phoenix11 Posted January 11, 2008 Author Posted January 11, 2008 It's easy to see why you want to slow this down but games won't help, if eventually, you want this to turn into a relationship. He's too pushy, which causes you to pull back; and using a guilt trip to soften you up for the next date. In a discreet way, why not tell him so, instead of playing games? I believe I have made my position clear in a discreet way. When he kept pushing to come over to my house on the first date and even the next time we talked...I replied with "one day...an invite may come". That statement alone started a wave of dialogue about "dating ground rules", which he responded to well.
shockandawed Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 Yes, he seems a little eager, but better than barely interested, lol... Explain a little about the dialogue you had on the dating ground rules?
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