DDenise Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 Hi, I'#m in a mess.. On Friday night I decided to have a look at my partners mobile phone and I kinda wish I hadn't now... Firstly, we're together 5 years and have a 7 month old baby.. Our relationship is great, we have fun, make each other laugh etc.. We're just both tired and a bit run down as baby isn't sleeping well due to teething... Sex life isn't really up to scratch since baby arrived but we talk openly about it so it's not an issue really... We do try to make the effort and most Saturday nights ewe go out for dinner while my Mum babysitts... Anyway, relationship seems fine buit when I looked at his phone there were 2 texts which have kinda shaken me up... 1 text in his inbox said "Just put phone on, was writing you a letter hehe. x" This was sent last tuesday... And then he sent one to that number on Friday morning saying "Good morning, how is the woman I desire :)" Oh my god, I am getting really upset again... this isn'y acceptable is it??? I've been really off form today and he noticed and kept asking what's wrong but I kept shrugging it off... I'm so sad.. I thought we are ok.. I do know that there'#s no way he can be meeting this person as it's a uk mobile (I'm in Ireland) and of course he has no time what with working, and then coming staright home to mind baby so I can go to work fior a few hours ... I don't know what to do though.. Should I confront him but then he'll know I was looking at his texts... But I don't know if I can handle not saying anything.. Also, I had a quick peek this morning when he was in the shower and there was a text just saying "Hi" sent yesterday afternoon... He's deleted all the others but obviously sometimes forgets ior else I wouldn't have seen those... I dopn;'t know what to do.. Any advice appreciated
Green Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 Yeah my advice is, talk to him, see how far he's cheated on you. I wouldn't trust him completely because he might just lie about it. You've got a baby so... what do you think you should do?
whichwayisup Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 Is it possible for you to get a copy of his cellphone bill? You have to talk to him and tell him what you saw on his phone. Don't let him make you feel bad either, I mean obviously you've felt something has been "off" between you two otherwise the thought of checking up on him never would have entered your head. Question is, do you ask him about it now or do you wait afew days just to see what else he is up to? Maybe ask a trusted friend to follow him and see what he actually does when he leaves the house. Sorry you are going through this.
Green Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 Is it possible for you to get a copy of his cellphone bill? You have to talk to him and tell him what you saw on his phone. Don't let him make you feel bad either, I mean obviously you've felt something has been "off" between you two otherwise the thought of checking up on him never would have entered your head. Question is, do you ask him about it now or do you wait afew days just to see what else he is up to? Maybe ask a trusted friend to follow him and see what he actually does when he leaves the house. Sorry you are going through this. You already know it all. Only possible explenation is a friend used his phone... but acording to the times the txt happnd unlikely... and twice... very unlikely. Look he is cheating on you. Now decide if you want to talk and work it out and find a way to trust him again, or decide if this is a deal breaker and you want to split.
Always Wrong Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 What do you mean "you" shouldn't have! "He" shouldn't have! Are you serious? There's no way "you" should feel guilty about anything. I feel really bad for you. Betrayal is a wicked feeling. Think it through. Maybe like KMT said, he could say that a friend used his phone. Figure out a way to eliminate that excuse.
allina Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 I wouldn't say anything about the phone right away. I would sit him down and say "how long have you been cheating on me?" You don't need to explain how you found out or anything like that, just tell him you know then give him two options #1 get the f out now or try to explain himself then get the f out.
Author DDenise Posted January 7, 2008 Author Posted January 7, 2008 Thanks so much for your replies.. I haven't talked to him about it yet but I started writing an email/letter last night to get it all out. I'm so sad though, we're in the process of buying a house, and he's acting as if everything is perfectly normal. I do think it's just a text flirting relationship but it makes me really uncomfortable and I know it'#s not acceptable. I've been feeling guilty for checking his phone but dammit, you;re right, he's in the wrong not me. I think I'll get him to read the letter while I'm there as I want to see his reaction.. if I email it he'll have time to try to come up with an excuse or whatever.. The thing is, when we were first going out ( about 4.5 / 5 years ago)I know this woman used to text him dirty texts and I became suspicious as his phone was beeping early in the morning (6/7am) when we were away on holidays... He deleted her number and said he would ignore her texts... I'm just wondering could it be the same bitch again.... I know it's not just her fault obviously because of what he wrote but I'm so tempted to phone her and give her a piece of my mind, I've saved her number in my phone so I can try to check his next phone bill to see how often he's been texting her.... If it is the same woman it's even worse cos god knows how long this has been going on for... Oh god, I'm dreading this.. I wish I hadn't checked his phone, but then again if I hadn't I'd still be naively plodding along thinking everything is fine... Thanks again for taking the time to reply..
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