alasia Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 Hi, I'm not looking for any advice really, as I had a very up-and-down time last year with my ex (father of my now 5 month old son) last year whilst I was pregnant. I'm now settled just being friends with him, and both of us being there for our son. I'd just like you guys to settle an argument for me please My ex and I recently had a discussion about feelings. He says while we were together he loved me "more than anything" although he didn't show it at the time, and now still has feelings for me "when we get on". When we bicker or argue, these so-called 'feelings' disappear. Now, I told him that if you have feelings for somebody, they're either there or they're not. Especially if you once loved that person "more than anything". Obviously you feel less for them or are annoyed by them during the argument, but I think you still care for them underneath it all. The fact his feeelings disappear so quickly and completely, surely mean they're not true feelings at all...am I right, or being too simplistic about it all? Anyway I don't have any 'real' feelings for him anymore, I'm just posting this to get some opinions I guess! Any thoughts welcomed
Pyro Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 You are correct. If you truly love someone, then those feelings remain intact, through the good times and bad.
sarme Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 Alasia what your boyfriend is tyring to tell you is that you fight too much and he can't think straight and it clouds his feeling when his emotions are consumed by anger. When a couple spends a big a mount of time arguing it pulls them away from the feelings of love and all the fights create an emotional wedge between them. A person could know that they love someone with all their heart but when so much of the time together is spent bickering and fighting it takes away from those love feelings. Now that you are apart he can feel in a less negative way because the fights aren't clouding his judgement therefore he can be more in tune with what he really feels. If you want to be together you need to get a handle on the arguing and choose your battles, love needs to be nurtured in order for it to stay alive instead of pounding to the ground, which is what you do when you constantly fight. If you constatly carry on in anger eventually that is what you will feel for each other.
brothermartin Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 What do you mean when you say these feelings "disappear?" Dose he fight dirty or something?
Trialbyfire Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 Sometimes people aren't meant to be together, due to compatibility issues. If the negative overwhelms the positive, this is a good indication of such.
Blue Eyed Brain Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 I think it's good that you are no longer together. Besides, if you have no feelings for him, why bother finding out who's right and wrong in this argument? Sounds silly.
lbabe Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 i recently ended a relationship because all we did was argue. i was very confused about how i felt, because all i felt was anger and irritation. Now that we are apart, i can admit that i do have feelings for my ex. Unfortunately i cannot see how we can be together as there is no remedy for our incompatibility...so sometimes we have to make a head decision...rather than a heart decision about being in a realtionship, and that is what i have had to do. Sometimes love is just not enough.....
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