hellspawn Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 First of all...to anyone that reads this and can help...I REALLY appreciate it as I honestly feel I have nowhere else to turn?!?! The story so far...6 months ago I lost my job due to the company going out of business. This was the latest in a long line of employment layoffs and job closings, and apparently the last straw as this is apparently the BIG reason my wife opted to separate. She made this announcement mere days before our 6th anniversary, and although we have been together for over 11 years and have a young daughter together there was no warning for this response. We have had our share of troubles, but then again...who on these boards hasn't. 9 years ago I physically assaulted her. 7 years ago we separated for a summer and she slept with someone else...over that one though. We opted to make our own rules in regards to parenting time, and besides myself retaining a lawyer for protection, no legal action has come from either side. We actually ALL go out to the mall and dinners together about twice a week, but it is mostly for our daughters security than our own. We do not really discuss staying together or divorcing even for a moment. There are no plans and no direction, and NOT knowing honestly makes it harder for me. I have helped her move "our" furniture into her place...given her "the" car...loaned her money when needed, and in return I am starting to feel I'm being taken advantage of. She feels she needs her own space and her own life, and doesn't want the drama and pressures that come with a marriage. Basically all of the benefits without any of the negatives...interesting concept?!?! A few weeks ago my mother died. My wife stepped up and was there for me the whole way, but now...it is back to being distant. I'm on again off again, but that stems from not knowing how she feels. I could put 100% into staying positive through this time if there were any assurance we were trying to move forward in our marriage, and other days I feel I could put 100% of my negative feelings into destroying any future she could have without me. I have a lot of resentment for a person who takes ANY of my time away from my daughter. I have applied for marital counseling, but notified that without health insurance the wait could be about 6 weeks?!?! How do we begin before it is too late, and how do we limit the damage our daughter has to endure? -Me
Nomad1 Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 Hitting your wife was the worst thing you could have done. Learn from your mistake and move on. Do you still want to be with her after she slept with someone else? If you hit her this means that you can't control your anger. You need to work on your anger first whilst trying to establish a good relationship with your wife as co-parents. Even if you resent and despise her, do it for your daughter. Move on my friend, move on. That is the best advise I can give you. Nomad1
Author hellspawn Posted January 7, 2008 Author Posted January 7, 2008 I agree that assaulting her was one of the worst acts I've ever inflicted on another person. I did NOT hit her, but this in no way diminishes the deed. I did successfully go through counseling for anger issues, and it never happened again. Of course I still want to be with her...I am not the one who decided this. I respect her need to have some space and time apart, but this does not give her license to throw herself out there online looking for potential dates and whatever else either. My needs come second to my daughters needs, and I don't think my wife subscribes to that notion...maybe on paper, but in reality...she wants HER space first and foremost. Come to think of it we both admitted that even as of late when just the 2 of us would go out and do anything...we had a great time with ZERO stress or feelings of awkwardness?!?! Thanks for the reply...
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