TheStudent Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 Before I start talking about my situation I'd like to say hello to everyone. I am bi by the way, i hope i dont get bashed for my sexuality. Anyway, lets get to my story.. My partner and I were supposed to spend our Christmas together but plans changed. Partner went to Arizona and I stayed here in San Diego.. We were away for 4 days.. During that 4 days. I have done something that changed everything. I cheated, I received a head from a friend of mine. It wasnt heat of the moment, neither the alcohol. I dont want to come up with a reason because its my fault and I made a mistake.. So partner came back, we were cool for the awhile but after the 3RD day. I felt really bad and became hypochondriatic. I started thinking i got something from that one thing i have done. I started feeling sick, balls hurting, abdominal pain...etc.. I went and got tested and complete physical exam for STD's. (The result will be Monday, the 7th) I am hoping there isnt any, the person i got the head from is clean because the person got tested from A to Z and is completely clean.. That eased me up. That day i got home from getting tested, (3 days ago), I came home, asked him for a hug because i am worried and sickened.So i told him that i got tested for stds and all. My partner is feeling bad and pressured that I am making my partner admit to infidelity, but my partner is very loyal.I couldn't take it and i cant take the reaction on my partners face.. I told my partner straight up.. "I shouldnt be here because i cheated". He was definitely upset although wasnt enraged.. It was very obvious he was just trying to keep his calm but deep inside he felt stabbed and betrayed.. My partner and I decided to stay away for awhile. I dont know what is going to happen to me.. I have been crying for the past few days, I have been alone, didn't go to work, just in my bedroom at my folks house, not eating all that great and totally affected. I have done some things to him in the past that he didnt like such as being mean but this time it was worse. I laid off smoking but i picked it up again just because i do not know how to cope very well with this. I am very scared that I will lose my partner, We have been together for 1 Year and 6 months. I have made so much plan for our future and I don't know what to do if everything falls apart for such stupid mistake. he told me on that night i confessed that, I cant turn back time and its too late to say sorry and also that i should have thought about saying no... I know people make mistake but then i do not know if my partner would consider this as a mistake or such an act of guys being guys... I think it is me, i think that i am a terrible boyfriend. I wish i can turn back time and could have said NO to that one time thing. Tomrrow is the day i'd know if we are going to be together.. Thanks for reading. I just want to say whats on my mind. We are discreet couple and no one knows.. I hope i get some enlightenment from anybody. Happy New Yrs!
Jordane Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 Why did you do it? You knew what the consequences were.
Author TheStudent Posted January 6, 2008 Author Posted January 6, 2008 I know, i ask the question to myself all the time! Why did i do it? I just cant seem to answer it... I am so messed up..
Jordane Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 Well if I was your boyfriend, I would definitely want an answer to that question...especially, if I was contemplating getting back with you or not. You should really think about it and come up with something more solid than, "I don't know, I messed up."
Author TheStudent Posted January 6, 2008 Author Posted January 6, 2008 Well, i only had like 2 hours of sleep, and couldnt come up with a solid reason... I am losing hope, was thinking about it the whole time.. Thanks Jordane for replies.. I really appreciate it. We'll see what happens later..
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