I Luv the Chariot OH Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 What do you think of relationships between one drug user and one non? Assuming it is a (relatively) harmless drug that casts no negative shadow over the relationship, can the two of them live in harmony, or is it inevitable that one (probably the non-user) will try to change the other? And if so, is that attempt at change out of line?
Lauriebell82 Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 There is no such thing as a "relatively harmless drug." Any relationship that involves any drug use is going to have problems. I'm going to be an addictions counselor so I know that enabling relationships form a distructive cycle that doesn't go away. It's just not a heathly situation, and the couple needs to get immediate help or one person is going to get very hurt (emotionally or physically). The drug user doesn't even have to get the other person "hooked." They are hurting them just by their using. Abusive relationships generally form as a result of drug and/or alcohol abuse and does not go away until help is sought out.
Nevermind Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 Yes, there is Lauriebell. Nicotine. Or Alcohol. Possibly Marijuana but I wouldn't get into that discussion. So here is my opinion on it without getting into the morals of drug taking per se. Using drugs while the other doesn't...no. I agree with LaurieBell on this point. If there is a clear black and white difference in judging the drug taking between the two partners, it won't work. Be it the taker tries to make the other try the drug, be it the non-taker wants the taker to stop - those issues cannot be met with a compromise. One has to change his/her life and that causes lots of stress.
Lauriebell82 Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 Yes, there is Lauriebell. Nicotine. Or Alcohol. Possibly Marijuana but I wouldn't get into that discussion. So here is my opinion on it without getting into the morals of drug taking per se. Using drugs while the other doesn't...no. I agree with LaurieBell on this point. If there is a clear black and white difference in judging the drug taking between the two partners, it won't work. Be it the taker tries to make the other try the drug, be it the non-taker wants the taker to stop - those issues cannot be met with a compromise. One has to change his/her life and that causes lots of stress. You are saying Nicotine and alcohol are harmless?????
Nevermind Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 (edited) Relatively harmless, yes. Are you saying they aren't? Then why are you drinking wine with a meal? (As you wrote you have in some of your threads.) edit: I am not referring to alcoholism here. As in these causes it is not the problem of the drug per se, but of the addict. Otherwise alcohol and every alcoholic beverage would have to be treated alike cocain. Edited January 6, 2008 by Nevermind
Lucasarts Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 What do you think of relationships between one drug user and one non? Assuming it is a (relatively) harmless drug that casts no negative shadow over the relationship, can the two of them live in harmony, or is it inevitable that one (probably the non-user) will try to change the other? And if so, is that attempt at change out of line? to answer your question (in my own opinion of course) yes i do believe that the relationship can work out with relatively little chaos over it (Depending on the drug problem; yet u did state it was a relatively harmless problem...which i assume would be either cigarettes, drinking, or pot) as long as both sides agree that it is a part of their relationship. Many people drink and smoke so its hard to not end up with someone who does either, or, or both. I personally despite cigarettes but i made the choice to not impose my belief over that on others who do smoke (as it is THEIR choice and THEIR lives) and just because they smoke doesnt mean they are a bad individual. Same thing goes with drinking, as long as its accepted then it shouldnt pose to be a problem (unless someone is an alcoholic, then the relationship will be quite chaotic). As with pot, i dont really know why anyone would have a problem with pot unless they just did it so much that they just didnt do anything else and would end up being a lazy, dumb, person. Of course if its anything harder/more extreme than i can see some dysfunction going on (but even then, there are relationships that work despite all the drug problems) its really up to the people in the relationship to decide if the drug problem(s) is/are going to be a major factor in their relationship or not, and go from there.
e.clipse Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 There is no such thing as a "relatively harmless drug." Any relationship that involves any drug use is going to have problems. I'm going to be an addictions counselor so I know that enabling relationships form a distructive cycle that doesn't go away. It's just not a heathly situation, and the couple needs to get immediate help or one person is going to get very hurt (emotionally or physically). The drug user doesn't even have to get the other person "hooked." They are hurting them just by their using. Abusive relationships generally form as a result of drug and/or alcohol abuse and does not go away until help is sought out. oh come on. anyway: What do you think of relationships between one drug user and one non? Assuming it is a (relatively) harmless drug that casts no negative shadow over the relationship, can the two of them live in harmony, or is it inevitable that one (probably the non-user) will try to change the other? And if so, is that attempt at change out of line? as always, such circumstances and conclusions will depend on the people in question. simply put, there are some people whom have zero-drug tolerance, meaning that in their case, even "relatively" harmless drugs, such as nicotine and marijuana, and their usage are unacceptable. for those people, a relationship with a drug-user, unless either changes their mindset, is nearly impossible. there are some people, however, who don't mind people who drink or smoke (ie: cigarettes or pot) occasionally. for these people, there is a good chance that the relationship will work out. basically, it (usually) comes down to whether the non-drug user is willing to tolerate the drug-users habits, unless they are "hard drugs," such are cocaine, meth, heroin, etc., which quickly spirals out of anyone's control, causing damage to everyone in the relationship, regardless of whether someone is willing to put it with it or not. so, yes, i think a relationship can be formed between a drug user and non, but only depending of what drugs are in question.
Author I Luv the Chariot OH Posted January 7, 2008 Author Posted January 7, 2008 Thanks for the responses, everyone. There is no such thing as a "relatively harmless drug." I knew someone was going to say this. Just because your health teacher told you that in high school doesn't mean it's true. Anyone who's done done marijuana for a long time knows that it IS relatively harmless. It's definitely healthier than eating at MsDonald's The question here is not to drug addiction (which is obviously never good), but to social use.
blind_otter Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 If both people are open minded, with a "live and let live" philosophical approach to life....I can see it working.
Lauriebell82 Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 oh come on. anyway: as always, such circumstances and conclusions will depend on the people in question. simply put, there are some people whom have zero-drug tolerance, meaning that in their case, even "relatively" harmless drugs, such as nicotine and marijuana, and their usage are unacceptable. for those people, a relationship with a drug-user, unless either changes their mindset, is nearly impossible. there are some people, however, who don't mind people who drink or smoke (ie: cigarettes or pot) occasionally. for these people, there is a good chance that the relationship will work out. basically, it (usually) comes down to whether the non-drug user is willing to tolerate the drug-users habits, unless they are "hard drugs," such are cocaine, meth, heroin, etc., which quickly spirals out of anyone's control, causing damage to everyone in the relationship, regardless of whether someone is willing to put it with it or not. so, yes, i think a relationship can be formed between a drug user and non, but only depending of what drugs are in question. I agree with this. I guess I misunderstood what the thread was about. Anyway I agree with the fact that it depends on the drug usage, frequency, kind, ect. I am a non-smoker and would never date anyone who smoked, so that would be a deal breaker for me. Marijuana as well. I drink myself (in moderation of course) so I don't mind having a bf who drinks (also in moderation) as well. My best friend's husband smokes and she has been trying to get him to quit forever and he just can't (but mostly won't try). So I guess it depends on what you are willing to put up with.
halfarock Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 I've always had a general rule that I like to follow. That is for a relationship to work both parties have to have similar vices or at least similar attitudes towards them.
Mustang Sally Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 It sounds to me as if the OP is implying some sort of dependence on the substance? If that is the case, harmless or not, you have to decide what is a dealbreaker for you and what is not. Physical dependence on just about anything (especially illicit substances or health-harming substances) is potentially dangerous to a person and their relationships. Good luck. FWIW, I know of a gal (very smart and together and career-minded) that is married (for about 10 years, now) to a very mellow, unemployed pot-smoking dude. It would never work for me, but they are happy as clams together. He doesn't try to change her, and she doesn't try to change him (that I am at all aware of or have seen any evidence for). Just an example to think about, but probably more the exception rather than the rule. I dunno.
jumping-jacks Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Personally, it is a risk I wouldn't take. I don't want to be around people that could possibly get me into legal trouble with what they had in their possession. The same way I don't allow open containers in my car. Someone ho chooses marijuana as a lifestyle choice and someone who doesn't probably won't end up well. It is going to cause problems.
Lee725 Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Someone ho chooses marijuana as a lifestyle choice and someone who doesn't probably won't end up well. It is going to cause problems. I Second that. Long term use of marijuana does have ill-effects and is not relatively harmless. Google long term effect of marijuana use and you will come up with dozens of examples. If the person you are dating is using all the time you will never really know who they are. Marijuana changes peoples personalities and it is not untill the come off it you actually see the mood swings and agression. It is true that this might not be the case for everyone but it is for the majority. If i was dating someone i want to know who they are really straight up, i dont want to find out 2 years later when they emerge from their haze.
Author I Luv the Chariot OH Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 (edited) Long term use of marijuana does have ill-effects and is not relatively harmless. Google long term effect of marijuana use and you will come up with dozens of examples. To humour you, I googled the adverse effects of marijuana. Here is what the consensus is from the negatively-biased sites: Long term effects: exactly the same as smoking (respiratory, lungs, cancer risks increased, etc.) Short term effects: problems with memory Why don't you go google the positive effects of marijuana? I bet they didn't teach you that in high school (which is obviously where your information on this topic comes from). You really should go out and get some life expeience before you make ignorant generalizations. Edited January 8, 2008 by I Luv the Chariot OH
Lee725 Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 You really should go out and get some life expeience before you make ignorant generalizations. Life experience???? as a thirty year old who has dated a pot smoker, Who has grown up around it and went to a school where you can buy it off the teachers, have countless friends who smoke it, watching various relationship breakdowns BECAUSE OF IT, i have tried it and it made me sick as a dog. i really dont think you have any right to assume that i do not have any life experience in this matter. Unless you know absolutlely everything there is to know in this world, it is extremely arrogant to ASSUME that the people on here like myself who make these statements have NO LIFE EXPERIENCE. You are entitled to your opinion and so am i. You can not go around carving other peoples opinions up when they are only trying to explain their perspective on an issue which has been raised. The information provided in my post is a proven statement from medical authorities. You may choose not to believe it that is YOUR CHOICE. If you are going to mock peoples posts on these threads, and make personal assumptions about people as you have with me, it may be better that you move onto a forum that has a dictatorship policy. It may just suit you that little better. You asked the question i gave you an answer - deal with it. This is an open forum, dont expect everyone to come on here and give you only the things you want to hear.
halfarock Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 The information provided in my post is a proven statement from medical authorities. Not really. Compared to alcohol consumption and tobacco use, marijuana is relatively harmless. The claims that marijuana causes cancer has never been shown to be true, only speculated. Most likely it has little effect as even the heaviest marijuana user smokes far less than a typical cigarette smoker. Alcohol causes far more behavior disturbances than marijuana. Even the most lawful social gatherings that feature alcohol often result in violence. Such violence rarely happens in social gatherings that feature marijuana. Just my experience but almost every long term marijauna smoker I've ever known was a peaceful, mellow person. I had a recent stay in a hospital and while there nearly every medical practitioner that I had to deal with asked which drugs I took. In every case when I mentioned marijuana the medical practitioner responded with a comment telling me that marijuana was typically considered a non issue as far as medical conditions are concerned.
Author I Luv the Chariot OH Posted January 10, 2008 Author Posted January 10, 2008 The information provided in my post is a proven statement from medical authorities. You didn't provide any information; you asked me to google it, which I did, and I came up with information which was true and non-incriminating. It's not very smart to tell other people to "use google" when you don't first use it yourself to see if it backs up your point. I tend to assume that people who make extremely ignorant statements make them from a lack of empirical expeience about life, and such "opinions" aren't really worth listening to. The question here isn't whether marijuana is harmful, because I know it's not--the question is whether someone who uses marijuana can live in harmony with someone who doesn't.
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