sedgwick Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 I just turned in my book. 10 days early. 302 pages, 76,511 words. I want so much to tell him. I want him to be proud of me. And instead, I'm...doing my laundry. Alone. I wish there was some way to turn off this hurt. How the hell can it be that I've just turned in my first f*cking BOOK, which I've been working on for 6.5 years, and I still feel so inferior to him? I feel so beat up from losing him, like I'll never have any real confidence again. I wish we could celebrate my finishing it like we celebrated my selling it. God I miss him like crazy. Anyway...so I'm telling you guys instead.
Jordane Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 CONGRATUATIONS!!!! That's amazing and you do not need a guy to validate you and approve of what you've done. Tell your friends and family and celebrate with them!
Author sedgwick Posted January 6, 2008 Author Posted January 6, 2008 I'm sitting here crying because I can't share it with him. I'm such a loser.
s_n_d Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 CONGRATULATIONS!!! Thats so awesome! You should feel even more proud of yourself that you finished the book WITHOUT him the last few months.
budd98 Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 sedgwick, He will just hold you back from the achievements you can really accomplish in your life. Let him find out about your book on his own. Celebrate with the people in your life that mean the most, and not him. As mush as I want to tell my ex everything, all she would do is say something to bring me down. Even when we were together I accomplished so much and she would turn it around to make me feel inferior though. Tonight I am going to celebrate my new freedom and my move. I would love to tell the ex that, but that means I would have to hear her voice or see her....YUCK!! Just be happy you were able to finish it on your own. Let him be the one that regrets losing you. The more you better yourself and achieve, the more attractive you will look to him. Sooner or later it will come around and bite him in teh azz.....Then you can really smile!
Author sedgwick Posted January 6, 2008 Author Posted January 6, 2008 snd, i do feel proud that i finished it. these past six months have been hard as hell, and i didn't think i'd be able to do it. the night before he dumped me -- 2 weeks after the book sold -- i said to him, "i'm so scared to write this book, but i know i can do it with you by my side." the next morning he broke up with me for not being a musician. and i did it anyway. i not only did it, i turned it in early. so yes, i do definitely feel proud of myself, but i know that to him writing a book is not as good as playing music. this is THE big dream of my life -- since i was six years old -- and tonight i officially accomplished it. i got the agent i wanted, i got the publisher i wanted, things couldn't be better on that front. i still feel like cinderella. but dammit, i'm so pissed off at him for not wanting to be part of all this! and budd, i hope you're right -- i hope someday our exes realize what they lost! good for you for your recent accomplishments. what have you done to make you feel proud of yourself? maybe i can cheer for you instead of your ex.
brothermartin Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 Which is more important to you SEDGE? Your dream, or HIS dream? Just for a moment, try living in the present WITHOUT disrespecting it. Or yourself.
underpants Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 snd, i do feel proud that i finished it. these past six months have been hard as hell, and i didn't think i'd be able to do it. the night before he dumped me -- 2 weeks after the book sold -- i said to him, "i'm so scared to write this book, but i know i can do it with you by my side." the next morning he broke up with me for not being a musician. Well, Firstly congratulations. What an achievement. Muscians, pfft. I dated one of those for over a year. He was all "my music is my life" and made accusations that I could not understand his passion for music ...and all that jazz. What an egomaniac. I was young and very much in love with him. However, he had some kind of resentment towards my presence in his life. Often he would put down my talents which is kind of insulting considering all I ever did was support him and his dreams. He dumped me after a few paid gigs and after a bit of crying I just flipped that switch and wished him and his band much success. Eventually I think he opted for the rock star lifestyle rather than the hard work and diligence that it takes to make good music and promote it. The last I heard about him was that he had a job constructing cubicles for office buildings. (he had to give up higher education to pursue his passion for music). My name apparently cannot be brought up or he will leave the room. *sighs* Maybe I will hear a song about us one day on the radio. However, I doubt it. After you sell a bunch of copies and get past the saddness a bit. I say mail him an autographed copy.
CalamitousJane Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 After you sell a bunch of copies and get past the saddness a bit. I say mail him an autographed copy. I second that! How about: To X, Thanks for everything. Sedgwick. Let him put THAT in his pipe and smoke it!
kymberann Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 Congrats! Rememebr this is his issues and his loss, not yours! Hey if it helps any, I am home alone doing my laundry and reminding myself that all the stuff the ex put me through is all his stuff not mine and I don't deserve it. And you don't either!
Jordane Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 Haha, I love that. Sending him an autographed copy... Can we ask what the book is about or would that give too much info out about you?
Author sedgwick Posted January 6, 2008 Author Posted January 6, 2008 hmmm, the autographed copy is a great idea! although it might be even better to send it to another ex who's a writer and thought he was god's gift to literature. heh. underpants, i hear ya barkin'! what the hell is up with them? i mean, fer cryin' out loud, i'm a dancer! i'm in a dance company, and every time he came over i'd have at least one new song to play for him and discuss with him. the fact that he couldn't comprehend that "dancer" and "musician" are pretty much the same thing just proves how shallow he was. but for some reason it seems that musicians just can't fathom that any other art form might be as good as what they do. (not all musicians, of course, but a good number of them.) why couldn't he understand that i've worked just as hard to accomplish my life dream as he has? it's not like i'm sitting around on the couch doing nothing and having no life. i love that yours is now building cubicles. karma much? jordane, as for the subject matter -- it's a memoir.
Storyrider Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 The timing makes it sound like he felt threatened by your success. Maybe others have already pointed that out.
Author sedgwick Posted January 6, 2008 Author Posted January 6, 2008 storyrider, yes, people have suggested that. i have two good friends who are significantly older than me -- one's in her 50s and one's in her 70s, so they've been around the block a few times. i went out to dinner with them one night and they both felt very strongly that that was the case. they said, "a lot of men can't handle being with a woman who's as successful as they are." which i think is messed up -- why wouldn't you want a partner who was working hard to achieve her goals, just like you? wouldn't it be boring to be with someone who wasn't? the thing is, he's very successful at what he does too. so why should he be threatened? i don't get it. he seemed so excited for me when it sold. and he pulled the "not a musician" thing a few weeks before it sold as well, almost breaking up with me for that reason then.
Storyrider Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 I don't understand the mentality either. If someone I love has a success, I feel it as though it is my own. I want them to be happy. And maybe he hasn't even admitted to himself that this is the reason, but I'm with your friends. It seems that way.
latefragment Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 (edited) sedgwick, I've been following your posts for a bit and I can relate to what you're going through. Last year when I got new position in the company I'm currently at, I was completely thrilled. Also, I had booked my first couple gigs at local venues, etc., and was very ecstatic. And the whole time I was thinking, when I came home at night, I just want someone to share this with. Yes, family and friends, they were great, they were supportive, they were very happy for me. But I was like, gosh, I want a "guy" to share it with. I understand your "anger" that he's chosen not to be a part of your success. Doesn't it make you feel a bit empty, and that your success is meaningless, without him there taking part, and celebrating with you? I completely understand that feeling. Of course you know it's not true, that it's even MORE meaningful because it's something you accmplished alone, in the face of your trials and tribulations getting through this very tough breakup. You know I felt a sense of "almost anger" when I'd perform at gigs, play and sing my heart out on stage, and think to myself, my god, all these people are clapping but ALL I WANT is a loving guy to be there, in the audience, ready to give me a kiss and a hug when I get off stage. It's been tough on me too, since then I've performed in many shows and still no guy waiting for me (but tons of friends! I know you are kind of hoping for him to contact you on the 15th too, and that's probably nagging at the back of your mind? Edited January 6, 2008 by latefragment
Author sedgwick Posted January 6, 2008 Author Posted January 6, 2008 I am hoping for him to contact me on the 15th, but I'm not counting on it. I doubt I'll ever hear from him again.
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