xxscarredxx Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 Well, i ditched the married guy and took my keys back to my apartment. About 2 months ago, i met a tall, slender chick like myself and began dating her. (I'm bisexual). Anywho, after a nite of drinkin' wine at her place, she confessed to me that she's an Athiest. She asked me if it bothered me and i told her no. (Which it really didn't). A few days ago she wanted to question my religion; me being a Baptist and my beliefs on that. I told her that i really didn't feel comfortable talking about it with her. I told her that no matter how we discuss it, she'll still have her non-beliefs, and i'll have mine. Religion is a sensative subject for me and i get very emotional while speaking about it. So i told her it was best that that should be a subject that me and her shouldn't touch. If i can respect her and her beliefs, why can't she respect mine and leave it at that? She proceeded to make the comment that if i found a church, she'd go with me. I asked her why, if it didn't do her any good. She said she go cuz i wanted to go. I told her that i didn't think that would be a good idea. So then we began to argue about it... somewhere along there she said going to church would be "scientific, or experimental" for her. That offended me. Then she said that me thinkin' that our sexual orientation is a sin, and it made her uncomfortable and it turned her off. Okay... if religion isn't a part of who she is.. what difference does it make if i think being in love with her is a sin?? I don't care, and i feel that she doesn't either. So about 3 hrs ago while we were arguing about that, i got a panic attack and screamed at her to get out. I even tossed her coat at her. My heart hurts about the situation, but i know that i'm probably better off without her. She was so negative about everything. I wrote her a poem and bought her a stuffed puppy and snuck it over to her place yesterday, and she didn't even acknowledge it. I think i'm better off not being in any relationship at all. Anyone have any advice? Thanx for reading.
Lee725 Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 I am an atheist, i dated a guy a while ago who was a Christian, around easter time i felt the urge to go to church with him. I did not want to be "converted" as such but in order for me to have a better relationship with him i felt it would be better if i understood his beliefs better. For me anyway it was a case of "if i know, there is less of a chance of me inadvertedly insulting him or hurting his feelings in some way". I do have religious friends from different spectrums and in all situations i try to understand their beliefs as best i can. To love my friends and partners to the best of my ability i must understand them as best i can. Just my little opinion but if you love this girl and she does you, this is something that you can work through. Religion is a touchy subject for many people for many reasons, wars have been won and lost over religion and they continue to do so to this day. Understanding and communication is the key in most situations. Maybe try writing her a letter? something in depth that she can not ignore. A note or a sorry may not be enough here, she needs to understand you better and you her, that can only come with an insight that may be somewhat deep, otherwise no matter what happens this will ALWAYS be between you. You have shut her out and i know that your reasons for doing so are very valid to you, but she does not live inside your mind she can not read your thoughts. People are entitled to their own perspective and i myself in many ways feel that i should not have to justify my beliefs and ideals to anyone, but what it comes down to is.. are you willing to break down that wall just a little bit, to let someone in who you believe loves you and you in turn love. Good luck, i sincerely hope it works out for you.
Enema Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 All I see is her making an effort to be closer to you, and wanting to get to know you and your beliefs better and you shutting her out. I guess you're either: 1) Afraid of someone questioning/challenging your beliefs. 2) Afraid of taking your homosexual partner to a place that condemns homosexuals. She has every right to question your position on sin and homosexuality as it directly impacts your relationship. I hope you apologize to her, she deserves it.
Author xxscarredxx Posted January 6, 2008 Author Posted January 6, 2008 My beliefs were never brought up to her. I don't look down upon what she chooses to do. But when we were arguing, she wanted to bring up that if there was a "God" then why are the children in Dafur suffering, and why is there violence in the world... I don't have the answers for that, nor do i pretend to. I did explain my belief to her, and thats all i can do. And as far as me taking her to church, that was somethin' that if she wanted to do fine, i wasn't gonna stop her, but not to go just to make me feel happy, cuz it wouldn't. By the way, the church that we had in mind of going to was indeed a homosexual church. So it was never an issue with me. I never held back from the relationship, not ever. If there was a sensative subject matter that she didn't feel good discussing with me, fine.. no reason to get me upset. People open up in due time. We only dated each other for about 3 months. I think maybe it was the fear of rejection after finding some differences with each other. She got upset for me going out and buying Gap Jeans and name brand things.. saying how could i do such when people over in Dafur and Afghanistan are suffering? What?? She got mad over the little things.. never did i say that i don't LOVE the Goodwill like she does... i just don't prefer to shop there. So yes, the religion thing played a huge part with her and me, but it goes way beyond just that. She didn't want to find a medium with me. I don't apologize for anything.
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