Phateless Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 I've noticed this happen a few times. If it's a girl that starts out as a friend, and we hang out a lot, I just can't decide if I want to date her or not, and so I never make a move and eventually miss my opportunity to do so. This one girl I have been spending a lot of time with lately, I have NO idea if she perceives me as a potential suitor or not. We are kinda cuddly, we'll hold hands for a moment here and there (like at a club), she'll brush my arm with her hand as she walks by me every now and then, all stuff that makes me think she's ready for more than friends. We'll hang out with our arms around each other or walk arm-in-arm, etc. We're pretty close, sometimes it feels like we're dating. We never talk about guy/girl stuff and I don't feel comfortable hitting on other women in front of her, although every single time she introduces me to a group of people, some girl will ask me questions to try to figure out if we're dating. Tonight in the car on the way home one of her friends asked about this other guy so she mentions they're dating casually, "nothing serious" in her words. I've seen them together a bunch of times and I didn't know either. I've never seen them act like a couple. Even her friend had no idea, so I'm pretty sure she meant it when she said "nothing serious" but I don't know how that affects me. Am I disqualified now because I know about him? I was thinking I wanted to make a move pretty soon here but just haven't had the balls yet. With a new girl/random hookup it's different because there are no repercussions if things go awry. Sorry for the long post... -i take too long getting to know girls and miss my chance to make a move -this one shows a lot of attention that could mean more but it's ambiguous -tonight it comes out that she's dating someone "nothing serious" - nobody knew about him -am i toast?
Author Phateless Posted January 5, 2008 Author Posted January 5, 2008 I meet a lot of girls that show interest but never any sparks...
oppath Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 A girl wants your cock until proven otherwise. Why be friends first? There are intermediate steps. When you are at the club, buy them a tequila shot, but have them take the lime out of your mouth when they are done.
whichwayisup Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 Then talk to her. See how she feels, or if you aren't ready to talk to her, make a move. Become MORE affectionate, flirty and see how she responds.
Florida Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 Phate, I think you haven't really found anyone who is right for you, and you are blaming yourself as waiting too long to ask them out, when in reality, you'll see that it was because you just weren't that into them in the 1st place. If you were, you would NOT let her get away, and there would be no hemming and hawing. The mere thought of her going out with someone else would send you into stomach cramping agony of not being able to wait one more minute to make her your girl. IMHO.
Author Phateless Posted January 5, 2008 Author Posted January 5, 2008 Phate, I think you haven't really found anyone who is right for you, and you are blaming yourself as waiting too long to ask them out, when in reality, you'll see that it was because you just weren't that into them in the 1st place. If you were, you would NOT let her get away, and there would be no hemming and hawing. The mere thought of her going out with someone else would send you into stomach cramping agony of not being able to wait one more minute to make her your girl. IMHO. I'm kind of squirming right now, hence the thread. I was just starting to feel like I actually want to date her, so the timing sucks. I think you're dead on about why I hesitate though. So what to do about this one? Opp - this one doesn't drink at all.
johan Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 Simplify. Being one-on-one friends with a girl is a waste of your time and hers. So don't do it. Guys and girls aren't buddies. So if you're hanging out with a girl, it's clear there is something more to it from your side or the other. So then you have to decide, are you interested enough to make a move right now? If not, then just forget the whole thing. If you are, then do it. If you're on the fence with respect to a girl, that's as good as not being interested at all. Something has you holding back. So just get off the fence and walk away.
oppath Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 Being one-on-one friends with a girl is a waste of your time and hers. So don't do it. Guys and girls aren't buddies. So if you're hanging out with a girl, it's clear there is something more to it from your side or the other. Agree unless it is in the context of people you have known for a long time or have a history of rapport. New women in your life, being buddies is a waste. I get the sense though that you aren't hanging out 1-on-1, moreso inviting them to hang out in group situations.
Author Phateless Posted January 5, 2008 Author Posted January 5, 2008 It's a combination. We do a lot of 1-on-1 hanging out, and I've known her for years, but we only started hanging out alone and a lot within the past 6 months. There are a couple of details that were holding me back, btw, but they're mostly situational. She's my ex's best friend, and my best buddy had a giant crush on her for years, so I don't see how I could ever fully integrate her... But lately we've been hanging out a lot and it's been going well and I'm thinking I could figure that stuff out.
Ria10 Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 one of her friends asked about this other guy so she mentions they're dating casually, "nothing serious" In other words, she's still available, and could easily be persuaded to drop that guy if somebody else (for example you) made a move, because she's not in love yet, etc. If you're hoping for a favorable response from her, you should act sooner rather than later.
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