cold, condescending, ahole!!@#$#!!

[velouria]

why is he so angry with me? He cheated on ME, not the other way around. So what is with the short fuse? I am genuinely confused. The man walked out on me and his kids and six months later, instead of being remorseful and therefore KIND, I still feel like I'm walking on eggshells when he's around. it's pure hell! He told me tonight that I'm always "having a go" at him. Fair enough, I'm still really pissed and hurt and he keeps doing mean, rude stuff. He shouted at me on New Years Day in front of the kids because he didn't like how I was looking at him.

 

If I tell him not to come, he says that I am keeping him from the kids. Why does he get to cherry pick? he just comes when HE wants to, not when I have planned his visit. And I do talk to him too much but I just want him to understand what he is doing that is making me feel like crap and therefore bitch at him. He is really doing something wrong! It's not my imagination that he's jerking me around, being unreliable and oh so coy with his words. This dude could give the NeoCons a lesson or two about doubletalk. I am SO frustrated!!!

[PinkRibbon]

My ex is pissed at me also and he left me. I mean mad to the point of being downright cruel in conversation. The last time he started I realized I won't be talking to him again.

I am sorry you have to put up with it because the children. Makes it harder. But I really have no idea why the are mad...someone said on another post that it is their guilt? My thinking is they are getting what they want so why be mad. I would think they would be happy.

[jesslindy]

I can't speak from expierience as I have never cheated on my wife, but it is their guilt. They know they made a bad choice, they know they screwed up.

 

All they have left is anger, because cheaters have to make the other person feel bad so it can in some way justify what they have done.

 

All they have left is anger because they, maybe even on an unconcious level, know they are broken inside. They know they have made horrible decisions, and can't do anything about it.

 

People who are capable of cheating, are also people who are capable of shutting down their feelings, lying, keeping secrets, and most important of all, never looking at themselves.

 

The fact that they cheat is the very indicator that they don't have the capability to look at themselves. If they could, when problems arose in your marraiges, they would have talked to you, they would have found out why they feel the way they do and done something about it. Not try to fufill there emptiness with someone else. THAT DOESNT WORK!!

 

So, all they have left is anger. Anger to make you feel as crappy as they do. DONT LET THEM!!! Anger because they know who they really are, and it makes them sad and angry.

 

Someone said to me on my thread once, "She blames you for for her cheating. How convenient. Whats there to build on, even more whats there to love?" He was right. The day I realized that even though I love my wife more than I could love anything, she doesnt know that same love. She proved that. Why should we sit around thinking about them? They aren't thinking about you. At least not now anyway. Let them go. Reconciliation after cheating is damn near IMPOSSIBLE anyway. It takes TWO VERY SPECIAL PEOPLE. Your husbands cant be special, they have proven their ways. Until they SHOW you they have woken up, move along.

[velouria]

I can't speak from expierience as I have never cheated on my wife, but it is their guilt. They know they made a bad choice, they know they screwed up.

 

All they have left is anger, because cheaters have to make the other person feel bad so it can in some way justify what they have done.

 

All they have left is anger because they, maybe even on an unconcious level, know they are broken inside. They know they have made horrible decisions, and can't do anything about it.

 

People who are capable of cheating, are also people who are capable of shutting down their feelings, lying, keeping secrets, and most important of all, never looking at themselves.

 

The fact that they cheat is the very indicator that they don't have the capability to look at themselves. If they could, when problems arose in your marraiges, they would have talked to you, they would have found out why they feel the way they do and done something about it. Not try to fufill there emptiness with someone else. THAT DOESNT WORK!!

 

So, all they have left is anger. Anger to make you feel as crappy as they do. DONT LET THEM!!! Anger because they know who they really are, and it makes them sad and angry.

 

Someone said to me on my thread once, "She blames you for for her cheating. How convenient. Whats there to build on, even more whats there to love?" He was right. The day I realized that even though I love my wife more than I could love anything, she doesnt know that same love. She proved that. Why should we sit around thinking about them? They aren't thinking about you. At least not now anyway. Let them go. Reconciliation after cheating is damn near IMPOSSIBLE anyway. It takes TWO VERY SPECIAL PEOPLE. Your husbands cant be special, they have proven their ways. Until they SHOW you they have woken up, move along.

 

 

Thanks for your reply and I agree with you. It just breaks my heart. I'm not as angry as I was. It's just trying to find a common ground now and having to be around each other is really hard.

 

It's so funny because everytime I read up on LS about productive methods of dealing with his b/s he gets an earful. He called me a mean bastard yesterday because I told him not to ask me for one goddamn (luggage for his trip, the camera his parents bought us that is now my camera) thing if he was going to come here.

 

One thing I realize is that I just have to live with what he did to me and these kids... not what I have done. he has to live with himself and that he's enraged and alone and with out any of the comforts of being a pamered husband-- working really really hard and not seeing any of it on his own failure. He can really barely handle the magnitude of what he has done and he doesn't have the twat there making things all better for him that he thought he would.

 

When I talked to him over the weekend I spelled it out for him. I told him that no matter what he thought, I had been a great woman and I absolutely did not deserve what he had done to me, no matter what he was telling himself and that I hated how our relationship was now, like I'm some kind of whipping girl. I gave him very specific examples of some of the crazymaking **** he does and said, "I just cannot believe that you don't know how ****ed up you are!!!" he said, anger vanished from his voice, "All right."

 

He cried. He said I made him feel like scum and I said that that wasn't all he was. It isn't. He was really really great sometimes. He always says that I hate him. I said, do you want me to hate you? I mean, it seems that that's what you've been aiming for for the last 6 months or so. But you know the last time he came up it was just in time to saw off the bottom of the Christmas tree and put it in the stand. And then on new years he took it outside. He fixes stuff, converted my son's crib into a toddler bed, hung my daughters model solar system. We're both still in it. When he isnt here I am healthy and I don't like him. But when he comes back, I suddenly feel ike my side of the story gets blurry or something, because while the things I say are true, they aren't all there is. He is also good and what he is going through is painful to watch. I don't know how he stands it.

 

And when he got here I just, everyfriggintime I see him I am transported to the birth of our first child or how the nape of his neck smells or laughing like crazy after we split a really expensive bottle of tequila. My soul rises up in my chest I am lost in thinking that I can never give him up. I feel like I am never going to be the same. I mean, don't get me wrong, I know it's him and I am doing my best to care less. I work every single day on erally really really changing my life. I moved away... started going to mass again. (He's an aetheist & apparently doesn't like our kids being "endoctrinated" *******!)

 

I am very family oriented girl. Even my parents... they work with their brothers and things like that. I was standing in the kitchen trying to unblock the goddamn disposal when he got there and I had on rubber gloves and everything. Now mind you, we had been shouting at each other 2 hours before this and the next thing I knew I was hugging him and he kissed my neck. But you know, the longer he was here, the more hateful he became. I give him props for keeping it to himself for the most part but he did have some ****ty stuff to say about my house, the way I take care of the car... etc. Jealousy. I said "Oh Blank, shut up..." With a really sweet tone. Then I said, well, it's good that you don't live here then, isn't it? I have to diffuse diffuse diffuse... I really hate it. I literally want to cork his mouth sometimes and break out some voodoo to bring my game, loving, funny, cool husband back.

 

It's just very weird. He stepped out on me for the last time and I left and then the girl dumped him and he went and looked up his old snatch and found he didn't like her anymore. He said, there's no one like you. After that he's been suicidal. Suicidal and hateful and lonely and really really angry. He's always careful to point out that he's not necessarily angry with me (whatever!) Just like I am not necessarily angry with him(I am). At one point this summer I told him to get on some meds and see a shrink because we have to both parent our beloved kids.

 

I do experience what pinkribbon has said about being shocked about their virulent hatred. That does mess with my mind. I can slightly almost get mine to see reaosn, or rather... he can access reason but he doesn't really use it most of the time. If that makes any sense. I just wish I could get a grip and stop missing him and accept things how they are. We still have this enormous pull toward each other and it just isn't going to die soon.