DayHell Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 (edited) EDIT: that title should say 'please read' haha accidentally forgot it and now i sound rude as. Didn't mean to come off like that, sorry. Anyways please read on: This may be a little long, but please take the time to read I could really do with some advice. I met my ex at school when we were 16. She was absolutely GORGEOUS, everyone at school knew of her and stared at her. I had a couple of classes with her and found out through one of her friends she had a crush on me. I had literally NO idea she felt that way, we’d flirted and stuff but I thought it was just harmless fun. Anyways, I found out and, I’ll be honest, I thought I’ll see her for a few weeks almost just for bragging rights. I didn’t think she was really my type but thought a few weeks could be fun. So we started hooking up at parties and stuff. A few weeks later I found myself surprisingly happy when I was around her, and she had expressed concerns over my motives and so I decided to show some commitment and ask her out. We started going over each others house and spent every day on the phone. I liked the attention she gave me, and sort of felt invincible, like she’d never leave. I always had my doubts but somehow, one year later, there we were still. Then, completely out of the blue, she broke up with me. I was devastated, but at the same time glad because it had shown me what she really meant to me. I realized I was completely in love with her and determined to get her back. We kept hanging out and within a month we were back together, better than ever now that we were both into it. We’d been going out for two years (one before the break, one after) when we decided to move in together. We were only 19 but I felt we were both pretty mature. For the next year we woke up to each other every morning and the relationship never dulled. Our relationship was extremely strong for our age and we'd always talk about our future. We would cuddle every night and I specifically remember just before our 3 year anniversary how into it she seemed. Every day she’d tell me how into me she still was and how good the relationship was. Then one night we had a minor fight, nothing major, but I could tell she was a little upset, so I spent the next few days trying extra hard. We went out together that weekend though and she completely ditched me and hung out with a bunch of other guys. We got home and I told her how I was angry at her for it at which point she stated that she wasn’t sure what she wanted anymore and we should sleep apart tonight. I was shell shocked, 5 days earlier she told me how much she loved me, how she hoped I never left etc, and now she was saying to sleep apart!? The next day we talked more and I said if she wasn’t into it I wasn’t going to hang around and so we broke up. I guess I thought it would scare her a bit and she’d realize what we had and we’d try again. But boy I was wrong! We kept hanging out for the next few weeks but nothing was really happening so I moved out, hopeful we could get back together (we’d still been sleeping together every now and again, and she’d been dropping some hints) or at the very least to maintain at least a good friendship, she was after all my best friend. She said she still wanted to catch up a couple of times a week, and be best friends but over the next few weeks she started going to clubs every weekend with a new bunch of friends, and every weekend she was hooking up with another guy. I said to her does she really wanna be like that, and that it was making it really hard on our friendship. She simply stated that she was really happy and didn’t want me to ask her to throw that away. I decided it was time to severe the ties, hopefully she’d miss me a bit and want to hang out again. A month or two after we broke up though I saw her out with some guy, and the next day I found out he was some 27 year old new boyfriend! I had to go and pick up the last bit of my stuff from her house the other day and saw all these pictures she’s got of the two of them kissing. She’s got the whole house to herself so I’m guessing he’s staying over there all the time now, and all the beer in the fridge suggests she has him round to drink and watch movies and then stay over. I even found morning after pills on the counter!!!! I was mortified. Sorry to be so long winded, but I just really want advice as to what I’m supposed to do. She’s changed so much, and took all of 30 seconds to get over what we had that it crushes me. I had done nothing wrong and yet I’m left here 2 months later still feeling so down about it. She on the other hand is so attractive that she can go out any night and forget about me. She’s done more than that now and gone and got a new boyfriend. We’ve spoken once in the last 4 weeks and it was just a fight in which I expressed how unfair it was to me and how ****ty she was making me feel and her response was basically kind of, whatever. She was like well I still wanna be best friends but I’m moving on with my life if you can’t be friends with me then ok. And now I’m not sure what to do. The girl I loved has changed, and all the best bits about what we had she’s giving to some other guy and all I could hope for is spare time when she gets it. I know I have to move on and forget about her it’s just that it’s really hard. How am I supposed to move on? I want to forget about her, but the fact that I was so in love when we broke up is making it really tough. I have a small circle of friends I try to hang out with to take my mind off of it, and try to do other things I enjoy but I’m still really hurt by it. Why am I still so hung up on her? I’m so angry at her and so upset but for some reason there’s still that stupid part of me that would drop every thing to go and be with her. Any advice, comments, suggestions?? Anything would be appreciated, thanks heaps. Edited January 5, 2008 by DayHell
JustinWolf Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 The first time you guys broke up, what did you do to get her back? Anyways, look I think it's better you seize communication. Your story is a bit like mine, sorry to disapoint but it's been 2 months and we're not together and she has a new bf (apparently). So, what I'm doing is just not talking to her, which helps a lot, the moment you start to talk your heart starts racing and starts acting weird. so just, don't talk and see if that does it for you. Remember no contact is for yourself first don't expect anything. Just be happy, live your life!
Author DayHell Posted January 5, 2008 Author Posted January 5, 2008 the first time we broke up i realised i was taking the relationship and her a bit for granted. so to get back i dunno i just showed her a bit more affection, let her know how i felt and stuff. if anything, it just made ME see how i felt, which i was unsure of up until that point. so yeah, once i knew how i did feel getting her back was kind of easy. this time though, i definetly wasn't taking it for granted, so there wasn't really much i could do. i'm not even sure if getting back is what i want? and yeah i've severed the ties with her and haven't spoken to her for a few weeks and tried not to think about it. and i guess it's kind of helpful, but it's also kind of making it harder cause it's showing how little effort she's making and almost how content she is with us never speaking again. guess i'm a little crushed cause i've got this huge hole in my life, and she doesn't seem to be missing me at all. like we never went out in the first place kind of thing. plus she's got the new boyfriend to take her mind off me. last time we spoke she said she wanted to be friends but it's up to me and then hung up? so now she's probably blaming me for how things have turned out? i dunno, everytime i think i'm over it something happens and i end up back at square one.
Lyssa Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 She realised that there are other guys out there and she had missed out on them at such a young age. That happens and well, yes it sucks but what you can do is keep the NC going and hang out more with your small circle of friends. Get to know more people and move on. You've been a better BF the second time around and it's her loss that she let you go.
JustinWolf Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 lyssa's right, she's seeing stuff she didn't see before in worst case scenario she'll stay at that point. Otherwise, if you continue NC, maybe sometime in the future she will be over her streak of boys and realise that what she truly was missing was you but by then, you'll probably have moved on 100%. I'm telling you, with time, everything heals. You just gotta make sure it does and work on it. Go see your friends, meet new ones. Meeting new people is always fun and pleasant, be fun and you'll see happiness will come at you by itself.
wowIlose Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 oh how I can relate.. I think your doing great given the situation.. I remember when I found out my EX started having sex with some other dude(few days ago lol) I was actually having physical discomfort in my chest. Continue with not contacting her, its easier said than done. It hurts when they don't make any effort to stay in touch because it makes you feel like you never existed. One thing that has helped me in the past few days is really believing I am going to meet someone soon thats going to make me feel great again. I picture myself with this new girl and how we are going to do all the fun things we both enjoy... of course you have to make an effort to go out there and meet women too. Also after my breakup I started self improvement litterly the next day so make sure your improving yourself as a person on a daily basis.
Always Wrong Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 I've been reading through many threads from women about, in a nut shell..."How can a man be so cold". Your experience seems to me, to be a perfect example of what can make a man insensitive. I hope you can survive being hurt like that without too many long term effects. You sound like a good person. Don't let her change that part of you. As long as we live, when we become emotionally invested in a person, we run the risk of having our heart broke. The only way to avoid that is to turn into one of those emotionally isolated beings. In a strange way, I sort of envy people who seem to be emotionally bulletproof. I haven't been able to achieve that. I guess I'm a sucker for a pretty face. I've been... ... ... never mind, this isn't about me. Keep your chin up. There are a lot of smart people on this forum. They can help a lot. Reading their experiences have sure helped me.
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