Butterflying Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 Can you imagine having so much to give in a loving relationship, unfortunately, you can't even give it away? Recently, I've been dating this guy for a little over a year. He has been very aloof lately. Not returning my calls. Always busy when I invite him to do things together. He had a birthday two weeks ago. I thought he would at least make an effort to get his birthday gift from me since he spent the time with his family instead of me. But he hasn't. He seemed pleased when I told him about the gift. I offered to take the gift to him at home one night after he got off work. He told me he wasn't feeling well and went to bed early. I invited him to stop by my place today after work to get it. He told me he had errands to run and wouldn't be able to stop by. He is clearly avoiding me. I've asked him why. But he inist that everything is okay and I'm thinking about it too much. Is there anything I can do to make this guy like me more?
Nevermind Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 Stop trying too hard. Give him space. Do something else. You can't force him to come, if he does and you're still interested be glad, otherwise live your life and forget about him. I am sorry, this sounds harsh and I don't mean that. But what else could you do? You cannot force someone to love you. Sadly. Sorry for your pain.
oppath Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 But he inist that everything is okay and I'm thinking about it too much. Is there anything I can do to make this guy like me more? Um...if you've been dating a year, and you haven't seen him in 2 weeks and he hasn't made an effort to celebrate his birthday with you, that is not a relationship. If you want him to like you more, break up with him. Tell him "I deserve more than this." And then when he calls and pleads, tell him he lost his chance. I'm sure you have a LOT to offer. Don't let him treat you poorly, like you aren't important. There are men out there who will make you a priority after a couple months. It's been a year. If I've been dating a girl > 4 months, and I have a birthday, I'm going to be upset with her for not saying "when can I take you out to celebrate your birthday?" You are offering that and he is not even responding. Drop him like a bag of bricks.
mortensorchid Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 Give it right back to him, honey! If he's being aloof with you, be aloof right back to him. Don't be so eager. As women we are taught to make others happy and give of ourselves until nothing's left. HA! If they think they can do better, let them! If it's meant to be, he'll come around. Give him his space and if he doesn't like his space without you, he'll come back.
compassion42 Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 I think that Neverminds advice is right on. You are trying too hard and seeming desparate. It sounds like he is taking you for granted. Give him some space, try to keep busy with friends or family and hopefully he'll realize that he wants to be with you.
oppath Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 I think that Neverminds advice is right on. You are trying too hard and seeming desparate. It sounds like he is taking you for granted. He is taking her for granted, but let's not be naive: who wouldn't feel bad and a little desperate in this situation? She's been dating him for a year and he hasn't made much of an effort to spend time with her. When I am in that situation, yes, I get a little pushy, not if it's been a day or two, or even a bad week, but he has been VERY unavailable and unattentive to their relationship. Who doesn't push a little if you've been giving someone reasonable space, and they suddenly pull back? If you care about someone, you can't help but notice that change and it will effect you. I do think she is trying too hard. She's being a doormat and accepting poor treatment. It's perfectly reasonable for her to be upset with him and to say "hey, we've been dating a year. I want to celebrate your birthday with you, but you haven't seen me in two weeks. What the **** is going on?" He is acting evasive and the reason is not her being desperate and pushy. She is acting that way because of his change in behavior and evasiveness. She needs to ask not "what can I do so this guy likes me more?" but instead ask "what do I think is a healthy relationship? Is this guy meeting my needs? Am I being treated the way I want to be treated?"
compassion42 Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 Oh I agree with your last statement Oppath-I just try not to say things like "break up with him" since I really don't know the full story. Who knows, maybe he's done this before and eventually will reconnect once he has some time/ space for himself? Or maybe she gets very clingy and and over powering with all that "giving" she mentions in her first sentence? There are too many variables to just say"be done with him!"
Trialbyfire Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 There's no sure fire way to make someone like you more. If he's taking advantage of your availability, stop allowing it. As the majority of the posters have mentioned, give him all the space he wants. I would also give him way more space than he wants...permanently...
TigerCub Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 I agree with those that told you to give him space and not try harder to please him - if he is acting like he's avoiding you I think you should do some things on your own and not think about him so much - and one of the first things you should do is get a book called "Why Men Love Bitches" and give it a good read - its an eye opener for the overly accomodating nice girl - or at least its a fun read. Sorry for your confusion, but really don't call him more or try harder to please him, go out and do fun things you like without him and see what happens Good luck
Author Butterflying Posted January 5, 2008 Author Posted January 5, 2008 Thank you all. I get what you're all saying. Oppath was right about the fact that I've been giving him space. In the entire time of our relationship, we do most things separately. I can count the number of times that we've spent entire days together. Usually, it's dinner, a movie, and overnight stays. I definately haven't been clingy. This is the first time he has totally not been available. And it makes me seem clingy because I am the only one making an effort to continue our relationship. He hasn't told me to discontinue it. Last year, we didn't exchange birthday gifts because our relationship was too new. Actually, this is the first time I've ever gotten him a gift. It's something sentimental that I know he will appreciate. And I want him to have it no matter what happens between us. In my first statement, I speak of "gifts" because although this particular gift is materialistic, I have more to offer than material things. I mean gifts as in everything I have to offer. It seems my BF doesn't want me, or need me. And I don't know why. It bothers me. I was just hoping there was some way I could fix this.
monkey00 Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 It sounds like you guys are just growing apart, if it's going to happen then let that be so. There's really nothing you can do to make him like/miss you more or want to be with you more. The ball is in his court now - so go on with your life and if he wants to be more or invest in a relationship he will get in touch.
Recommended Posts