mopar crazy Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 Again, agreeing w/ WWIU so no need to read the whole thread. This reminds me of H and the xOW. She started out w/ this same kind of behavior. I'm sure my H didn't tell me every single thing but he did tell me she bit him on the neck one night at a Christmas party and told him he smelled good. Then a few months later she asked my H if he had problems w/ PE b/c her H did and wanted to know what she could do. About a year later they had a short-term A during our separation (he left me, and filed for a D to be w/ her, we R). Anyhow right b4 their A she asked him at work one day if he ever had an A w/ a co-worker. He said he ignored her but he knew she wanted him, big time/ Given the opportunity this woman will sleep w/ you. She is interested. If you feel uncomfortable w/ her telling you these things I would tell her to stop. I had an X email me one day out of the blue. After we caught each other up on our lives and families he started getting too flirtatious. He told me that we should meet up in our hometown and get a motel and relive our past. I told him no, we were both M. He continued to bring up our past as lovers and I finally told him I was very uncomfortable. I told him if we were both single I would love to talk dirty. He stopped contacting me shortly after that. I would never talk to another man about my lingerie etc, only my H.
Author nella Posted January 5, 2008 Author Posted January 5, 2008 Then why is she trying to have another baby with him? If she is uhappy in her marriage a baby WILL NOT make their marriage better, it will put more stress on them. And the flirting won't stop, especially during her pregnancy. Besides, you only know the state of her marriage from her, you don't know 100% for sure if she is exaggerating or even telling to truth! Something is really off about your 'friend', you know what you two are doing is wrong, so stop it! Imagine your wife doing this with another man, especially if you two were trying to conceive a baby. I am hoping that when she gets pregnant that she will stop flirting with me. I think a lot of why she does flirt with me is for the excitement, hapiness, and fun it brings to her otherwise stressful life. Once she gets pregnant I think the preparation and excitement of a coming baby will fill this void in her life for her. I canot imagine a pregnant woman having an affair with someone. I guess though all of the hormones racing around during pregnancy, emotional ups and downs, and the risk of not getting pregnant could lead some to an affair while pregnant. I don't know? Many here have felt taht I crossed the lines with this woman and I am already having an affair. I am hoping that this 9 -10 month pregnancy break can cool the waters between us a bit. Nothing physical has happened between us and once she has her hands full with a newborn I doubt that anything will.
sarme Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 Question is why do flirt with her? What do YOU get out of it? You seem to talk so much about what she gets out of this and why she does it but you neglect to see you are the other equal half. People don't continually flirt AT people they flirt with people, it is a reciprocal act where two people get something out of it otherwise there would be no point in continung on.
whichwayisup Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 I am hoping that when she gets pregnant that she will stop flirting with me. DO you not have the balls or strength to tell her to stop? Sorry to be harsh here, but holy crap buddy!!! Do you know how retarded that sounds? You hope she'll stop flirting with you when she gets pregnant. JUST TELL HER NO MORE FLIRTING. And, when she tries to flirt with you again, you walk away. PUT UP YOUR OWN BOUNDRIES with this woman!! I'll add this too, you need to end the friendship with her completely. It serves no purpose in your life, nor in hers, except in a selfish way. A big fat selfish way that will hurt other people!
Florida Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 I am hoping that when she gets pregnant that she will stop flirting with me. I think a lot of why she does flirt with me is for the excitement, hapiness, and fun it brings to her otherwise stressful life. Once she gets pregnant I think the preparation and excitement of a coming baby will fill this void in her life for her. I think I get what you're saying-you are enjoying this flirting but think it will end in 2 months because she is pregnant, so no harm done-am I reading that right? What will happen if that isn't the case? Did you ever hear that song by Blink182 that made fun of women who had to talk about what undies they wore to get male attention....may I ask why you aren't completely horrified that she is so trashy with you? What are YOU getting out of this flirting with a woman who probably talks like that with any guy who gives her any attention? How would you feel if you found out your wife was so easy she actually was intrigued by some dud who said things like " OOh baby I love your hair, I want to sex you up" ? Wouldn't you think she had very little value for herself she was intrigued so easily, that her head felt like it was "in a vice"? If that's all it takes to woo you Nella, OMG I hope your wife knows, if I am wrong-then stop it now-don't wait for this *lady* to advance in her pregnancy.
Trialbyfire Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 I have a feeling nella's going to go ahead and get involved. Let him. When shyte hits the fan, when his wife finds out and his safe little world comes crashing down around his head, perhaps he'll realize that it's better not to be driven by the useless brain.
Florida Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 I have a feeling nella's going to go ahead and get involved. Let him. When shyte hits the fan, when his wife finds out and his safe little world comes crashing down around his head, perhaps he'll realize that it's better not to be driven by the useless brain. If he is so easily led into an affair, it's really better she finds out sooner rather than later. I just hope it isn't kept a *secret* too long, she'll figure it out. To be tempted away from marriage vows by some skank talking of panties....wow...would have happened anyways is my guess. I just think it is really sad that Nella doesn't think this will happen, yet isn't avoiding it and is going along. He is obviously getting a lot out of it. All you have to do is talk to your wife, together. These are the decisions that make you or break you.
Trialbyfire Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 If he is so easily led into an affair, it's really better she finds out sooner rather than later. I just hope it isn't kept a *secret* too long, she'll figure it out. To be tempted away from marriage vows by some skank talking of panties....wow...would have happened anyways is my guess. I just think it is really sad that Nella doesn't think this will happen, yet isn't avoiding it and is going along. He is obviously getting a lot out of it. All you have to do is talk to your wife, together. These are the decisions that make you or break you. There's no doubt he's getting a cheap thrill from it, hence why he's reluctant to shut it down, relying on her pregnancy to avert the upcoming disaster. Her pregnancy will be what he sees as a two-fold solution. Perhaps she'll stop flirting and with the increase in her girth, he's hoping that she'll also no longer be attractive to him. I'm going to guess that part of her interest in him is that she's probably afraid of the commitment of children or it's a last hurrah, before she settles down, or maybe a bit of both. This is pathetic but then, so is nella, in thinking with his useless brain.
smartgirl Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 I haven't read all the responses, so I'm mostly responding to the OP's question. I have worked in a competitive, high-stress, exciting, female-dominated business for over 20 years, so I think I know something about aggressive women in a work environment. Mostly, when women begin acting in a sexually provocative way they are enjoying the game. They like the hunt, the excitement. It makes you feel alive, desireable, powerful. Feelings you have to hone to be competitive on the job. When a man responds it makes you feel on top of the world. You don't expect it to go anywhere. But maybe one time a guy responds and he responds in a way that makes you feel even more excited, not creeped out. You find yourself feeling more interested in his response than you expected, because you thought it was a game. You thought he thought it was a game. And...they're off.... When my H first got involved in his A, he expected it would go on for a month or two tops and then she would get tired of him. Instead, things slowly got more and more involved. She was married and the one that was actively pursuing the A. I think she was looking even then to get out of her marriage, but she was never honest about it so who knows. I think people start off one way and easily get off track and get in over their heads. So what a woman is thinking when she starts flirting is one question. What she is thinking when the man starts responding is another question. What she is thinking once the emotional connection is physically consumated is another. It is all a matter of chemistry and how different elements react when exposed to one another. So don't be so worried about what the woman is after. You just be concerned about what kind of a result you want and act accordingly. If you really don't want to cheat on your wife, stop playing the game.
Author nella Posted January 6, 2008 Author Posted January 6, 2008 There's no doubt he's getting a cheap thrill from it, hence why he's reluctant to shut it down, relying on her pregnancy to avert the upcoming disaster. Her pregnancy will be what he sees as a two-fold solution. Perhaps she'll stop flirting and with the increase in her girth, he's hoping that she'll also no longer be attractive to him. I'm going to guess that part of her interest in him is that she's probably afraid of the commitment of children or it's a last hurrah, before she settles down, or maybe a bit of both. This is pathetic but then, so is nella, in thinking with his useless brain. The reason I am so reluctant to shut it down is not the thrill I get from it but rather the dynamics of the situation and the lasting consequences. The part of the story that I have not told is the relationship that this woman and I have outside of work. She and I are close friends and our families are also very close. What if my suspicions about why she flirts with me are totally of base. I do think there is such a thing as harmless flirting. My wife has even acknowledged that she knows we harmlessly flirt with each other. I don't want to confront this woman and tell her to stop something that may just be harmless flirting between two people. I know some of what she does and says is pretty extreme but some people (women usually) just enjoy teasing people. That may be what this is. I know being a friend I should be able to talk to her about this but every time I have tried I just get the wrong vibes that I am making more out of this than what there is. The last thing I want to do is jeopardize our friendship over something I might have just built up too much in my head. I have never had a friend of the opposite sex really. If she was a guy I could tell her anything but I just hesitate with her being a woman. I know I am being a wussy about this but I just fear what her response would be. That is why I am trying to hold out for her pregnancy. Hopefully it will be put on the back burner and maybe become forgotten afterward.
Frances Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 My wife has even acknowledged that she knows we harmlessly flirt with each other. I don't want to confront this woman and tell her to stop something that may just be harmless flirting between two people. I know some of what she does and says is pretty extreme but some people (women usually) just enjoy teasing people. That may be what this is. I know being a friend I should be able to talk to her about this but every time I have tried I just get the wrong vibes that I am making more out of this than what there is. The last thing I want to do is jeopardize our friendship over something I might have just built up too much in my head. I have never had a friend of the opposite sex really. If she was a guy I could tell her anything but I just hesitate with her being a woman. I know I am being a wussy about this but I just fear what her response would be. That is why I am trying to hold out for her pregnancy. Hopefully it will be put on the back burner and maybe become forgotten afterward.# Why not talk to your wife about it and maybe she can come up with a solution. Where the trouble will come is if you do not keep your wife in the picture about what this so called friend is doing.
sally4sara Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 I've never hit on a married man, but I have flirted with a taken man. The reasons for it where: I had just had my heart stomped on by the first guy I had really liked after my marriage ended and wondered if there were no good men left. I had a casual friend in my circle who spoke so highly and sweetly of his GF that he was my source of hope. Plus I figured if he was all in love then a little harmless flirting was safe with him and he could be my scarecrow, so to speak, because I didn't want to deal with ANY guys at that point. If I was talking to him when my friends and I went out, other guys wouldn't be as likely to approach me if they thought I was interested in him. When he started trying to take it beyond something light and cute, I realized I had only been flirting for the above reasons and backed WAY OFF. I've since come to the conclusion that, under the right circumstances, almost anyone will get weak and cheat.
Trialbyfire Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 The reason I am so reluctant to shut it down is not the thrill I get from it but rather the dynamics of the situation and the lasting consequences. The part of the story that I have not told is the relationship that this woman and I have outside of work. She and I are close friends and our families are also very close. What if my suspicions about why she flirts with me are totally of base. I do think there is such a thing as harmless flirting. My wife has even acknowledged that she knows we harmlessly flirt with each other. I don't want to confront this woman and tell her to stop something that may just be harmless flirting between two people. I know some of what she does and says is pretty extreme but some people (women usually) just enjoy teasing people. That may be what this is. I know being a friend I should be able to talk to her about this but every time I have tried I just get the wrong vibes that I am making more out of this than what there is. The last thing I want to do is jeopardize our friendship over something I might have just built up too much in my head. I have never had a friend of the opposite sex really. If she was a guy I could tell her anything but I just hesitate with her being a woman. I know I am being a wussy about this but I just fear what her response would be. That is why I am trying to hold out for her pregnancy. Hopefully it will be put on the back burner and maybe become forgotten afterward. These are excuses. You don't want to end it. Man-up and shut it down.
OpenBook Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 I do think there is such a thing as harmless flirting. My wife has even acknowledged that she knows we harmlessly flirt with each other. I don't want to confront this woman and tell her to stop something that may just be harmless flirting between two people. I know some of what she does and says is pretty extreme but some people (women usually) just enjoy teasing people. That may be what this is. I agree that there is such a thing as "harmless flirting." It's a fine art, flirting -- at its best, it is a light, bantering, delightful exchange of nebulous innuendos between two people that means ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. But what you describe this woman doing is way more blatant than flirting was ever meant to be, IMO. That said, I don't think you need to make a federal case out of it by confronting her. Just stop responding to it, if it bothers you or if you feel it isn't appropriate. A cold, dead stare usually does the trick.
IamASelfishSOB Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 This woman and I are just not the type of people that would have an affair (I think). I said the exact same thing and firmly believed it. These are famous last words. You've got it soooo bad and I think you realize it.
cj1988 Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 Yes, I have discussed lingere and what color panties I have on with a group, men and women as a joke.....but not directly with one person or as a flirting technique. YES, I also believe a lot of women will flirt because it makes them feel good, but have no intention on anything more than that....do yu know what I mean? I am not sure what men think when they are doing it, but may be just the same depends on the person. My H knows I am a flirt, but it is not over board.....he is not that way, very quiet....women seem to like that !
Mustang Sally Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 Listen, OP. This gal is in a "troubled" marriage (and it's her second one, at that) and she's trying to have a kid with this H of hers??? What does that say about her? I mean, really. She may be a sexy broad, and all that, but you should be thankful for all the warning beacons going off around her and run the hell away from this lady. She sounds like nothing but T.R.O.U.B.L.E. with a capital T.
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