nella Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 To all you married women. Being a man I have a hard time trying to figure out why women do what they do. Even after being married for awhile its still like trying to read Greek. My question is why do married women flirt with married men. I think most guys who flirt with married women always have sex on their minds. They really do not do it to boost their egos. They are prowling around for their prey all of the time. Almost anyone I have ever flirted with is someone who I would have slept with. Are women the same or do they ever flirt with people to make themselves feel younger or sexy (especially after being married). I have a coworker who I flirt with all of the time and I would sleep with her in a heartbeat if I was not married. She will joke with me about new lingerie that she just bought and I guess try and see my reaction. I told her that she really looked nice in a new dress and boots she bought and now she kepts teasing me about it. I do not know if she is doing this to boost her ego or if she wants me to come onto her. I am really confused. I am married and I am not going to cheat on my wife but I also do not want to lead this women on. Would any of you ever talk about your lingerie or panties with someone you did not want to sleep with?
whichwayisup Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 My question is why do married women flirt with married men. I think most guys who flirt with married women always have sex on their minds. They really do not do it to boost their egos. Some men do, some men don't. Some women flirt to make themselves feel better, some do it for fun, some do it for the power ego trip, just like a man. Would any of you ever talk about your lingerie or panties with someone you did not want to sleep with? She is crossing the lines here. It's inappropriate of her to talk about that kind of stuff with you. So, she's either flirting and enjoying teasing you, turning you on, or she has every intention of trying to woo you away from your wife and into her bed. Be strong and tell her you do NOT feel comfortable having those types of conversations with her. Then, back off of this woman because something tells me that she is not so sweet and innocent in her flirting towards you.
blind_otter Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Would any of you ever talk about your lingerie or panties with someone you did not want to sleep with? Hell no. I wouldn't discuss that sort of thing with anyone but my SO. This woman is crossing the line. You'd better establish some boundaries fast.
whichwayisup Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 I wouldn't discuss that sort of thing with anyone but my SO Well, I do tell my bestfriend about stuff like that, but then again, she's a woman!! lol
blind_otter Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Well, I do tell my bestfriend about stuff like that, but then again, she's a woman!! lol I should have re-phrased that. I would discuss that stuff with female friends and gay male friends.
Mustang Sally Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Would I talk about stuff like this with co-workers? (Meaning underwear, etc.) Well, yeah, in my particular job, every now and then those sorts of discussions come up. But not in a flirting way. Some of the people I work with I am incredibly close friends with (both male and female) probably because of occasionally working under extremely stressful conditions with those people. So, we tend to talk about usually taboo topics from time to time. Flirty teasing, however, is just that: Flirty teasing. It's usually pretty obvious if that is the intent of the person you are conversing with.
AdrianaLima Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 I wouldn't discuss my lingerie with no other man, than my own. But around female friends, yes. But some women like to discuss their lingerie to men to get them aroused, and most likely to sleep with him.
JustBreathe Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 What... do you think you're special? Good looking people on the make, married and unmarried, are everywhere. What married person doesn't think about giving in when that sexy young thing is giving you the come hither vibes? Married women deal with this as well. It isn't just men. Sometimes it's hard to act uninterested but it's all about what your values and beliefs are. Your self-respect. I don't ever talk to men about the things your co-worker is talking about. Since you're responding to this and talking to her like this as well, then I'd say you're both way out of line and need to get your nads in check. Or maybe you would rather go through what all the people here are going through. Separation, kids ripped apart, extended family at your throat, loss of some of your friends, loss of respect for yourself, divorce, and child support to name a few. Irreversible harm to your spouse if she finds out and enormous guilt if she never finds out. Possible loss of both women as affairs are temporary things and your wife may not be able to recover. What if your wife were doing these things behind your back? Talking about lingerie, flirting to the extreme with some man you know nothing about? If you found out, or even if you never did, would you want her anymore?
Mustang Sally Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Ok. I feel the need to clarify my earlier response. I do not sit around tempting males I work with with sexy descriptions of all the silk teddies and lacy thongs I might own and/or wear. Please. I just meant that occasionally, usually when a bunch of us are on a break or something, the conversation will turn to topics such as we have occasionally on LS, like "Do you think it is/would be comfortable wearing a thong?" and then we (as a group) discuss these things. Males and females are both present usually. It's not a one-on-one flirty discourse. Ok. Carry on.
Trialbyfire Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 To all you married women. Being a man I have a hard time trying to figure out why women do what they do. Even after being married for awhile its still like trying to read Greek. My question is why do married women flirt with married men. I think most guys who flirt with married women always have sex on their minds. They really do not do it to boost their egos. They are prowling around for their prey all of the time. Almost anyone I have ever flirted with is someone who I would have slept with. Are women the same or do they ever flirt with people to make themselves feel younger or sexy (especially after being married). I have a coworker who I flirt with all of the time and I would sleep with her in a heartbeat if I was not married. She will joke with me about new lingerie that she just bought and I guess try and see my reaction. I told her that she really looked nice in a new dress and boots she bought and now she kepts teasing me about it. I do not know if she is doing this to boost her ego or if she wants me to come onto her. I am really confused. I am married and I am not going to cheat on my wife but I also do not want to lead this women on. Would any of you ever talk about your lingerie or panties with someone you did not want to sleep with? Yes, I've discussed lingerie in a group environment, where both men and women were involved in the discussion. It made for a lot of laughter, over the similarities, differences or out-right whacky. This kind of stuff is also discussed on the LS forum, regularly. If I were asked, in a one-on-one situation, depending on the person and how they approach me about it, I might or might not. There's creepy and then honest helplessness for some men who need to buy for their SOs.
sarme Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Nella the reason a married woman would do this with you or in a group setting is purely and simply because she is extremely insecure, they are looking for reassurance and will act inapropriately for an ego boost. They are so starved for attention they will do anything to get it. Being a (insert other word for rooster here) tease is their only way to feel reassured of their attractiveness they need other people to approve of them because they cannot find the approval from within. These women are poison ivy, stay away from them they are so needy if you do end up with them they will suck the life out of you.
Meaplus3 Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Nella the reason a married woman would do this with you or in a group setting is purely and simply because she is extremely insecure, they are looking for reassurance and will act inapropriately for an ego boost. They are so starved for attention they will do anything to get it. Being a (insert other word for rooster here) tease is their only way to feel reassured of their attractiveness they need other people to approve of them because they cannot find the approval from within. These women are poison ivy, stay away from them they are so needy if you do end up with them they will suck the life out of you. So what you are saying here is that it's a lack of attention and an "Inner Self" issue with the MW? Hmmm... What about the MM who act's the same way? Could he have issues's within himself as well? My guess is Yes! Why make out a the MW to look like the only bad one here, the MM can be just a much of a posion Ivy as the MW! AP:)
sarme Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 So what you are saying here is that it's a lack of attention and an "Inner Self" issue with the MW? Hmmm... What about the MM who act's the same way? Could he have issues's within himself as well? My guess is Yes! Why make out a the MW to look like the only bad one here, the MM can be just a much of a posion Ivy as the MW! AP:) Yes I agree, absolutely it means the same thing for the MM. Any person in a commited relationship who talks about intimate things like that in a public setting is only doing it for self esteem issues, who gives a rat's azz what type of underwear a person wears? One thing is between your g/fs but when there are other men in the room you know the only thing you will get out of this is some inapropriate attention. It reeks of insecurity to me, a person doesn't have to flaunt their sexuality to be sexy they just are. SO if they have to flaunt it they are not secure it their sexuality. Women who flaunt their intimate details about sexuality to others look for reassurance, as do guys. The topic is about MW who do this so I responded in terms of the question asked, but I agree it does go both ways. ;-)
IamASelfishSOB Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 To all you married women. Being a man I have a hard time trying to figure out why women do what they do. Even after being married for awhile its still like trying to read Greek. My question is why do married women flirt with married men. I think most guys who flirt with married women always have sex on their minds. They really do not do it to boost their egos. They are prowling around for their prey all of the time. Almost anyone I have ever flirted with is someone who I would have slept with. Are women the same or do they ever flirt with people to make themselves feel younger or sexy (especially after being married). I have a coworker who I flirt with all of the time and I would sleep with her in a heartbeat if I was not married. She will joke with me about new lingerie that she just bought and I guess try and see my reaction. I told her that she really looked nice in a new dress and boots she bought and now she kepts teasing me about it. I do not know if she is doing this to boost her ego or if she wants me to come onto her. I am really confused. I am married and I am not going to cheat on my wife but I also do not want to lead this women on. Would any of you ever talk about your lingerie or panties with someone you did not want to sleep with? This and all of your other posts clearly indicate that you are seriously contemplating an affair with this woman. All I can say that you're going to be right back here afterward for all kinds of help trying to work your way through all of the pain and agony that it causes. Yep? All this flirting and the subsequent affair is a lot of fun, until the sh$t hits the fan. Good luck, it's pretty obvious that you're not listening.
Author nella Posted January 5, 2008 Author Posted January 5, 2008 This and all of your other posts clearly indicate that you are seriously contemplating an affair with this woman. All I can say that you're going to be right back here afterward for all kinds of help trying to work your way through all of the pain and agony that it causes. Yep? All this flirting and the subsequent affair is a lot of fun, until the sh$t hits the fan. Good luck, it's pretty obvious that you're not listening. BOB I really appreciate the advice that you have been giving me here. I know that it seems like I am going to have an affair any second but I really do not think will happen. This woman and I are just not the type of people that would have an affair (I think). She is trying to get prenant with her second husband. Also we both live very busy full lives and I do not know that even if we wanted to if we could ever find the time to be alone long enough to have an affair. My main reason for coming here is to try and find out what is going through this womans mind and what she wants with out having to ask her or come on to her. I am not going to lie I find her extreamly sexy and would have sex with her in a second if I was not married but I just do not want to do that. The problem I have are the little touches, comments, and conversations that I have with her that are going to make my head explode. In our working environment we have to be right by each other all of the time and neither of us is going to change jobs. I love talking and being around her but sometimes it feels like my head is being squeezed between a vice. I know deep down that she likes me and I like her but neither of us can say it because we are married. I just cannot get my mind off of what it would be like to be with her. BOB, thanks for the advice and support. Hopefully, I will not make the same mistake you and others here did. Just talking about some of it here takes some of the pressure off. Talking to her about it would be the best thing to do but god only knows what kind of demons that would release - a fall out in our friendship, bad working environment, families being ripped up, the bedroom, embarassment, etc. Keep me in your prayers!
sarme Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 BOB I really appreciate the advice that you have been giving me here. I know that it seems like I am going to have an affair any second but I really do not think will happen. This woman and I are just not the type of people that would have an affair (I think). She is trying to get prenant with her second husband. Also we both live very busy full lives and I do not know that even if we wanted to if we could ever find the time to be alone long enough to have an affair. My main reason for coming here is to try and find out what is going through this womans mind and what she wants with out having to ask her or come on to her. I am not going to lie I find her extreamly sexy and would have sex with her in a second if I was not married but I just do not want to do that. The problem I have are the little touches, comments, and conversations that I have with her that are going to make my head explode. In our working environment we have to be right by each other all of the time and neither of us is going to change jobs. I love talking and being around her but sometimes it feels like my head is being squeezed between a vice. I know deep down that she likes me and I like her but neither of us can say it because we are married. [bold] I just cannot get my mind off of what it would be like to be with her.[/bold] BOB, thanks for the advice and support. Hopefully, I will not make the same mistake you and others here did. Just talking about some of it here takes some of the pressure off. Talking to her about it would be the best thing to do but god only knows what kind of demons that would release - a fall out in our friendship, bad working environment, families being ripped up, the bedroom, embarassment, etc. Keep me in your prayers! Wow you are so ready to cross that line and you don't even realise it. It's not a matter of "keeping you in our prayers" it's a matter of realising yourself how dangerously close you are to turning that point of no return. Your fear that talking to her openly will unleash a possible fallout to your relationship with her, is the most alarming of all. For as long as you continue this dangerous game you will 100% guraranteed end up crossing a line with her, and I think it is already too late. I have no faith in your ability to stop an affair from happening whatsoever unless you stop this "friendship" altogether. I really have 0 faith in you if you continue like this. I speak from experience, however I was neither married nor had children when it happened to me. But I know that attraction is a very powerful force and unless you consciously make an effort to put an end to this flirty game that already feels too good to stop, it will be like trying to stop a train with a feather if you proceed like this.
Trialbyfire Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 nella, there are two types of people, those who will cheat and those who won't. Which kind of person are you? Don't be one of the weak ones.
Author nella Posted January 5, 2008 Author Posted January 5, 2008 Wow you are so ready to cross that line and you don't even realise it. It's not a matter of "keeping you in our prayers" it's a matter of realising yourself how dangerously close you are to turning that point of no return. Your fear that talking to her openly will unleash a possible fallout to your relationship with her, is the most alarming of all. For as long as you continue this dangerous game you will 100% guraranteed end up crossing a line with her, and I think it is already too late. I have no faith in your ability to stop an affair from happening whatsoever unless you stop this "friendship" altogether. I really have 0 faith in you if you continue like this. I speak from experience, however I was neither married nor had children when it happened to me. But I know that attraction is a very powerful force and unless you consciously make an effort to put an end to this flirty game that already feels too good to stop, it will be like trying to stop a train with a feather if you proceed like this. I am hoping that when she becomes pregnant that she will become less flirtaous with me. She has a lot of problems in her life. She is not very financially responsible, she is picked on by everyone in her family, and after 1 year of marriage is always gets in fights with her husband. She once told me that she is only happy about 10% of the time. I think that the flirting with me just makes her feel better. She is a great mom with her two other kids and I think once she has a new baby to deal with she will get a lot of the love and compassion that she needs from her little one. I am guessing that this will cool off the tension building between the two of us. I cannot imagine a woman who is pregnant or who even has an infant having an affair. This is another reason I am so hesitant to talk to her about this and let it be.
sarme Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 I am hoping that when she becomes pregnant that she will become less flirtaous with me. She has a lot of problems in her life. She is not very financially responsible, she is picked on by everyone in her family, and after 1 year of marriage is always gets in fights with her husband. She once told me that she is only happy about 10% of the time. I think that the flirting with me just makes her feel better. She is a great mom with her two other kids and I think once she has a new baby to deal with she will get a lot of the love and compassion that she needs from her little one. I am guessing that this will cool off the tension building between the two of us. I cannot imagine a woman who is pregnant or who even has an infant having an affair. This is another reason I am so hesitant to talk to her about this and let it be. Yeah but Nella I would accept that as harmless enough if you hadn't said: The problem I have are the little touches, comments, and conversations that I have with her that are going to make my head explode. In our working environment we have to be right by each other all of the time and neither of us is going to change jobs. I love talking and being around her but sometimes it feels like my head is being squeezed between a vice. I know deep down that she likes me and I like her but neither of us can say it because we are married. I just cannot get my mind off of what it would be like to be with her I dont think you realise this is how emotioal affairs begin, and to have that turn into a full fletched affair is only a small step away. Saying you "hope" you won't go down the path others have is pretty much leaving the door open to chance, that is not being in control of the situation it is surrendering to it. You already enjoy the feelings of what you share with her and you if you can't put a stop to it now it will only keep gowing. It is not a matter of being weak or not because we are all weak one way or another but you see what you are doing so you have to be fully aware of the choices you are making to contribute to your own demise. Unless you are seriously thinking of a future with this woman there is absolutely no point in entertaining what you are doing. It's wrong and you know it's wrong so STOP IT. Also, if you wait for her to get pregnant in order to stop you are not convinced you want this to stop so STOP passing the buck and blaming her for all her reasons for comming on to you because you are doing absolutely NOTHING to put an end to it yourself. So when you do end up in a full fletched affair man up to it and don't pass the buck that she came after you because you did absolutely nothing to stop it you are just as guilty as she is for whatever you have built together so far. Being spineless is no excuse. All I see is a bunch of excuses to justify your own behaviour in this. If it feels too good to stop you are already in way over your head, period.
johnnyj Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 I am married and I am not going to cheat on my wife but I also do not want to lead this women on. Would any of you ever talk about your lingerie or panties with someone you did not want to sleep with? That's pretty classic. You're already flirting with this chick at your work, talking about her lingerie and all that. As far as I'm concerned, you are already cheating. Why don't you just **** this girl and get it over with? I really don't understand guys like you.
Florida Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 Being spineless is no excuse. All I see is a bunch of excuses to justify your own behaviour in this. If it feels too good to stop you are already in way over your head, period. Great points Sarme, like Johhny J said you already cheated, why keep kidding yourself asking "does it mean she likes me?" that is like going to a store, seeing some items you can't afford, putting them in your pockets (knowing you would get arrested if caught) yet still questioning if it is stealing because no one caught you..... Yet the items are so pretty, just one more in your pocket, no one will know.... most shoplifters get caught, and for what? Some cheap baubles? Think about it, you can stop it, but it's obvious you will keep asking "is this shoplifting?? I can't figure it out, hmmm one more item while I think about it!" Not the best analogy, but I hope you get what I'm saying, Nella.
OWoman Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 Nowhere in your post do you mention your wife's input - does she consider the behaviour appropriate or not, etc - so I'm assuming you've not discussed it with her. Which makes me wonder why. Could it be because: I find her extreamly sexy and would have sex with her in a second if I was not married and The problem I have are the little touches, comments, and conversations that I have with her that are going to make my head explode? Now, if my man came home and told me about a hot woman at his work possibly coming on to him, and described what you've described, I'd tease him about how hot and irresistable he was, we'd joke about it and discuss how to handle it if it was making him uncomfortable. I wouldn't find it remotely threatening - there are lots of hot women out there, I'd have my work cut out for me if I did. But if he felt awkward about it and DIDN'T (wouldn't, couldn't) discuss it with me, I'd be majorly POd at his lack of honesty and he'd be out the door. That you've not felt comfortable discussing this with your W, and have instead come to the safety of an anonymous forum, speaks volumes to me. You've already crossed the line in your mind, and it's only time before your body follows unless you do something to stop it NOW. And discussing it with your W - fully, honestly, including all you've said here - would be a good place to start.
jj2007 Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 Would any of you ever talk about your lingerie or panties with someone you did not want to sleep with? Hell no! The only people I would discuss that with would be my H or girlfriends.
jj2007 Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 I know that it seems like I am going to have an affair any second but I really do not think will happen. You are already thinking about it. This woman and I are just not the type of people that would have an affair (I think). Yeah right. It sounds to me like she is the type and is waiting for you to take the next step. And it sounds like you are fixing to do it. Also we both live very busy full lives and I do not know that even if we wanted to if we could ever find the time to be alone long enough to have an affair. Oh, you will find the time. I am not going to lie I find her extreamly sexy and would have sex with her in a second if I was not married but I just do not want to do that. Yes you do. You are already in an EA. The problem I have are the little touches, comments, and conversations that I have with her that are going to make my head explode. Try thinking with your big head not your little one and you might be able to nip this in the bud before it gets any worse. I know deep down that she likes me and I like her but neither of us can say it because we are married. I just cannot get my mind off of what it would be like to be with her. Well, instead of thinking about being with OW, think about all the pain you will be putting your family through and possibly a divorce. That should get your mind back to where it is supposed to be. Think about if this was your wife putting the moves on some guy at work and they are fixing to act on it. You need to stop encouraging her and tell her point blank-I am married and so are you and what we are doing is innapropriate and it needs to stop now. Then you need to tell your wife what is going on. Good luck and I hope you don't give into your selfish wants.
whichwayisup Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 after 1 year of marriage is always gets in fights with her husband. Then why is she trying to have another baby with him? If she is uhappy in her marriage a baby WILL NOT make their marriage better, it will put more stress on them. And the flirting won't stop, especially during her pregnancy. Besides, you only know the state of her marriage from her, you don't know 100% for sure if she is exaggerating or even telling to truth! Something is really off about your 'friend', you know what you two are doing is wrong, so stop it! Imagine your wife doing this with another man, especially if you two were trying to conceive a baby.
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