Emmybrynne19 Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 (edited) Ok, So I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and we have been living together for 2 and a half. To make this long story short he has a bit of a social drinking problem (the kind where he cant say no to a friend buying him a drink even if he is already wasted,) Im 20 and he is 23 so I cant go out to bars yet. so whenever he goes out I get really nervous that he is going to get alcohol poisoning or do something stupid. About 6 months ago he went out and got so drunk when I picked him up I almost took him to the hospital. The next day I said this kind of drinking needs to stop or I dont think I can be in the relationship anymore. Well it worked and he wasnt drinking alot anymore, but move forward to 5 months later and it starts up again and he starts wanting to go out again and I get really angry. I understand he wants to go out with his friends and he should be able to but I cant help but feel scared. Anyway last friday he went out and got drunk, I had to pick him up because he didnt have any other way home. When i picked him up he was being mean and I got upset. We went home and he passed out. then next day I was expecting a "Im sorry" but I didnt get one. After a while he asked what was wrong and I told him and he gave me a really pathetic Im sorry so we kind of got into a fight and I decided to go out for a while. Later that night I came back and he was there he then told me he wanted a break from me and this came as a huge shock. He said that he wanted to be with me but wanted to be able to be a better boyfriend to me and learn to take care of himself. Well after all of this and after me crying and being upset I agreed. Then we went back to our apartment but he acted like nothing had changed it was like we were still together. I then said to him If you still want to see me and talk to me and be with me why do we have to take a break, why cant I just move out and give you your space. I asked him if there was someone else and he said no. I then asked him if he wanted someone else and he said no. Then I asked if during the break he was going to try and hook up with other girls and he said "well I'm not going to try" and I said what the hell does that mean and I said I wouldnt be put through that and I wouldnt take a break and he should just break up with me. Then he said he wants to still be together but just have me move out. Anyway the next morning I was crying because of what had happened the day before and he asked me what was wrong and I told him and he said "dont cry, we are still together we just arnt going to live together." so a few day go by and we are getting along great but he still wants me to move out. Anyway, I was on his myspace (I know its stupid drama) and I saw that he had added like 3 or 4 new girls and was talking to them and I guess they are friends of one of his guy friends that he met at the bar that night. So I started feeling insecure and I told him and he said that its nothing, they are just his friends friends and could never be with anyone else but me. But then this morning when I came on the computer he had left his myspace on and I looked in his messages and I saw that he was kind of online flirting with them and even one of the girls said "why didnt you approve my comment? What, you dont think your girlfriend would of liked it?" and that just made me really mad. I guess this turned out as a really long story, but if anyone had the patience to read this and has any idea what is going on here or what I should do please tell me! Thankyou! Edited January 4, 2008 by a LoveShack.org Moderator I messeed up the title / Please seperate large paragraphs into smaller ones.
Author Emmybrynne19 Posted January 4, 2008 Author Posted January 4, 2008 I forgot to mention that when I asked him why he even asked me to take a break when he just wanted to have me move out he said "I didnt think you would agree to moving out and I was angry and I said the wrong thing, Im sorry."
blackbird Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 Honestly? Here's what I think probably happened with the bar scenario. He got drunk and flirted with the girls there. Like any drunk 23 year old guy around remotely attractive girls, he wanted to screw them, but he couldn't because you were picking him up. This translated into resentment towards you for no good reason, probably compounded with other things. I could be wrong, but I'm going to make a guess that he tends to collect and harbour irrational resentments, doesn't talk about it, then lashes out at you later. Then he was mean to you, subconsciously trying to pick a fight. Fun! All that stuff about taking a break to try to be a better boyfriend, I don't believe a word of it, at least not from what you've presented thus far. He's being too much of a pansy to make up his mind about what he wants, but he's passive-aggressively pushing you away. He may be saying now that he didn't mean to ask you to move out, didn't mean what he said about taking a break, that he's sorry, etc, but I'm betting he'll just whip out the same thing again next time you have a fight. Seriously, if he busts the 'let's take a break' line again, walk out. I won't say breaks NEVER work, but in my experience, they've just been the halfway step on the route to a passive-aggressive breakup. That he even brought it up is bad enough that I would say, walk out now. Yeah, three years is a long time to have invested in a relationship and it will be very emotionally messy and awful, and yeah, all relationships have problems and you can't walk out on them all. But the kind of problems you've brought up in your relationship require BOTH people to be COMPLETELY on board and 100% committed to talking things out with love, honesty, and maturity, and it doesn't sound like that's where he's at. Cut your losses.
TotalChaos Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 I agree with blackbird. Sounds to me like your guy is trying to have his cake and eat it too, because he can't make up his mind what he really wants. Don't allow him to do this to you. Break ups are hard and you are young, wich makes it harder to deal with. However, you have already spent three years of your life with him and I know you probably feel like that's a long time, but it doesn't take long to hit 5 years, 10 years, 15 years etc. It's just not worth it to put yourself through that. There are plenty of men, not boys out there who would love to have you. Do yourself a favor and get out now, before things get really bad.
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