Sunset_Cowgirl Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 I'm new here & have been reading the threads for a few days. During that time i have gained some new ways of looking at things & reviewed a few old. Thought I'd tell my story & see what kind of opinions you folks have to offer. Back in 2005 I joined a highly advertised dating site. I was never into the bar scene or any of that & because of this company's reputation I thought I'd give it a try. I met this guy & we hit it off great (thanks to 29 dimensions). After a short while we started going out. We waited 5 months before bringing our kids into each others lives. In Spring 2006 he moved in with me. We really never fought over anything. We became one big family. Went on family trips, family get togethers at friends & relatives, the whole nine yards. He asked me to marry him & I was on cloud ninety-nine! I love this man & his kids more than I can say with mere words. At Christmas last year he told both our families that we were getting married this last fall. Back in Fall 2006 he joined a new company & money became VERY tight. He was upset saying things like "I can't provide for my family" & he openly day dreamed about getting a motorcycle & being upset over being "poor". That's when I made a HUGE mistake! Paying bills was my department. We both put our income into paying debts. He had alot more debt at the time & when things got bad I couldn't bring myself to tell him we needed more cash. Needless to say the rent got behind. My father helped me out but also went to him & told him after I had asked him to let me tell my SO. My SO became irate because he feels that I lied to him. I understood that & asked him to forgive me. He says he did but then proceeded to move out, straight to a new city & in with his ex-dispatcher! Before that happened she had left that job for a higher position in the company, he became unhappy/dissatisfied with her replacement. Some days he was crankier than others. Nothing in our relationship changed though so I thought nothing of it. Besides, he & the other guys made fun of her for being large & not very pretty. Anyway he ran off with her. Everyone of his friends knows he is just using her for her income. He swears that they are just roommates to this very day, but I think you'd all agree that no roommate spends that kind of cash on a friend. She bought them a condo in an upscale community, bought him a new vehicle, his kids EXPENSIVE cell phones, blah, blah, blah. The night he got the car, he ended up drunk dialing me saying he wanted to come home so me like a dork let him. He went back to her the next day. It's been 4 months now & he still comes to most of my daughters games at school. Still wants to see me. We were both at a party on the first of Dec. & he came solo (surprise-not). He made his way to my table & soon everyone else did & he ended up getting VERY drunk & saying VERY LOUD to a mutual friend that he couldn't help himself, he still loves me, loves my girls, ect. but he can't trust me because I lied to him. Needless to say his friends left his butt there with no ride & he got so trashed I ended up bringing him home & taking care of him. Early the next morning i took him back to his buddies & the next day I was asked if the two of us fought. I replied no & was told he was a cranky P.I.T.A after I dropped him off. Haven't spoken but 4 short times since then. Sent him an email that he hasn't acknowledged (30 days later) saying that if he wants to try again I might be willing & if not we should leave all communication go except for things related to the kids. Now here is where I will make an A** of myself but *sigh*... I still love this person. I love him & I could forgive him if he'd be honest with me, but for some reason he can't tell the truth, yet he holds my lie against me. There are so many things I've learned in the past 4 months & have worked to improve myself, for myself. It would take a lot of hard work & time but this relationship (at least in my eyes) is still salvageable. I guess what I'm looking for is perhaps some insight into what he might be thinking or what makes him tick. He is coming to my daughters game tomorrow & I shall remain the nice (but distant), fun, happy person I was when he met me, even though inside it will hurt being around him & the kids & not being a family. *sigh*
Jordane Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 I think he enjoys being taken care of and getting to live in luxury without having to put in the work.
Author Sunset_Cowgirl Posted January 4, 2008 Author Posted January 4, 2008 I think he enjoys being taken care of and getting to live in luxury without having to put in the work. I'd have to agree with this seeing as I waited on him (I wanted to). I was raised by MUCH older parents & my mother waited on my dad. Guess the current female waits on him hand & foot. More than I did!
Jordane Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 And that's fine. You shouldn't become his slave and sole breadwinner in order for him to return to you. He seems lazy and weak and you don't need a man like that. You can still keep him in the kids life if they like him but you should move on to someone who is more compatible with you.
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