Phoenix11 Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Lucky me...have a date set up for tomorrow. I have a great time IMing, and e-mailing this guy, but when I talk to him over the phone...he is as dull as dull gets. We mostly communicate via IM or email, so I thought the sparks would translate to phone conversation too. We spoke on the phone before....in brief spells, so I didn't pick up on how dry our conversations were. Now we have a date for tomorrow...so I called him at my lunch time (he's off work today) just to touch base again. He is looking forward to the date, but I was just banging my head against the wall....he was sooooo boring. There were gaps in our conversation of just dead silence. I can't see how this can get any better in person. I hate to cancel now...but I feel this date will be such drudgery.
oppath Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 You don't know what will happen. It's possible he is stressed at work and just isn't a phone person. I personally think the phone is not a better indicator of face to face chemistry than IM and Email. Bottom line is you need to meet face to face. Obviously, there is some interest. It's only an hour or so of your time. Go in with the attitude that you want to learn 3 interesting things about him and that you are determined to find them out.
SeraBella Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 I don't believe you can judge the date based off the phone conversation. It's possible the date will be boring and blah, but I've met guys who were great phone conversationalists, and SOOOOOO boring in person. Some people, A LOT of men, just don't like talking on the phone much. Don't cancel. Go, have fun. What do you lose if you don't go? A few hours of time. Valuable? Yes. But to be cliche...nothing ventured, nothing gained. Cliches are cliches because they prove to be true.
curiousnycgirl Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 I agree you've got to go - however let this be a lesson (one I learned the very same way) when meeting online, don't drag out the virtual conversations - meet RT as soon as you can, otherwise you build up the guy to unrealistic proporttions!
oppath Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 I agree you've got to go - however let this be a lesson (one I learned the very same way) when meeting online, don't drag out the virtual conversations - meet RT as soon as you can, otherwise you build up the guy to unrealistic proporttions! This is completely true. I know it does depend on your own comfort level, but in general, only give out your phone number when you are ready to meet someone for a brief coffee type "pre-date." The number is best used to arrange the meeting, a 10 minute phone conversation tops. Why? Because it is awkward to talk to someone you don't know yet over the phone. There aren't facial expression, gestures, clothing/accessories to comment, a venue to discuss, an activity to perform, etc. A few emails, a phone call to confirm "this coffee shop at 7 pm, right?" and you are off to the races. If you aren't comfortable with that, that is fine, but your time is valuable, so why waste an hour slowly getting to know someone on the phone when you can just meet them and see what it there.
shockandawed Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Hey Phoenix, Glad to see you back in the saddle. I wouldn't worry too much about the phone chemistry. I have met quite a few people online. I have had situations, (more than once) where we share lengthy emails and have multiple and long phone conversations only to meet and not find a comfort level. I have also had a few where the phone conversations were awkward and brief and the date ended up being wonderful. Like the others have said, go into it with an open mind. At best, you may have met a wonderful person and at worst, you spent an hour with a boring guy. Have fun!!
EYECANDY000 Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 I would still go on the date.. He may be the type that is not a phone person.
Author Phoenix11 Posted January 4, 2008 Author Posted January 4, 2008 Hey Phoenix, Glad to see you back in the saddle. I wouldn't worry too much about the phone chemistry. I have met quite a few people online. I have had situations, (more than once) where we share lengthy emails and have multiple and long phone conversations only to meet and not find a comfort level. I have also had a few where the phone conversations were awkward and brief and the date ended up being wonderful. Like the others have said, go into it with an open mind. At best, you may have met a wonderful person and at worst, you spent an hour with a boring guy. Have fun!! Thanks Shock. I will go with an open mind. Hopefully I won't get stood up again...lol.
shockandawed Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Have you heard any more from that loony professor? I hope you are ignoring him if you do.
Author Phoenix11 Posted January 4, 2008 Author Posted January 4, 2008 Have you heard any more from that loony professor? I hope you are ignoring him if you do. Indeed I have heard from the loony professor. He is trying to reel me into to his web....it is/was working a bit because he was extremely apologetic for standing me up. I had stopped responding to his e-mails, and IMs. The more I ignored him, the more he blew up my computer...lol. He promised to do anything to make it up to me....tempting offer...yes?
D-Lish Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 I have had lots of experience with meeting people from online dating. In my experience- the phone conversation doesn't reveal all that much about a person. I dread talking on the phone to someone I haven't met yet...it stresses me out. I have had great conversations with people and then met them and been disappointed.... and I have also experienced the opposite. Even if your date turns out to be dull, just think of it as a practice experience. Even when I meet someone I know I won't want to see again I still make the best of it. Every date, no matter whether there is chemistry or not is a chance to get comfortable being back in the saddle. The more you practice dating, the more you get more comfortable with it. Who knows- he may be a whole lot different in person. Some people just aren't phone people. Give it a chance. If he's not the guy for you, you can still turn on the charm and chalk it up to experience. ;-) D
shockandawed Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 (edited) Phoenix, You know I defended him as just a little inexperienced when everyone else was getting the creepmeters out. It may be tempting to give him a second chance, but I would strongly hope you don't. I think this is some sort of chasing game for him. He played around with you much longer than any normal person and then when you finally arranged to meet him, he blows you off and then apologizes with some kooky story that makes no sense. So you start ignoring him and it only fuels his efforts to reel you back in. Where was all this effort at in getting ahold of you to let you know about the date? I hope you know you can do a lot better than this weirdo. I really hope your date turns out great tomorrow. Edited January 5, 2008 by shockandawed
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