ElvenPriestess Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 I feel so bad for the children. OW must be panicking about now. I'm sure her greatest fear is that for the rest of her life, everyone who has any sort of attachment to this broken family is going to see her as "the reason Linda is dead". I can't help but to wonder what sort of guilt that this MM and his OW will carry, and be forced to carry by those around them for the rest of their days. What a mess. It is a big mess at that. She should have thought about these sorts of things before getting involved with a married man, but even more a married man with CHILDREN. And he should have thought about it too. But now that they were both too selfish to care about anybody but themselves, it's all a big jumble. And what will the kids say should they see OW? And how will he act around her with them? Can you imagine? Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Have you also posted this in Infidelity, or is it just OW you believe need to take on some message about relationships from this tragic tale? If there is truth in this story, I feel terrible sadness for a woman who left her five children and a dying mother behind because she couldn't cope with what life threw at her. And sorry for all those she has left behind who live on to cope with the situation. Of course commenting on such a thread, in the light of such a story can leave one looking callous and unfeeling, which is not the case. And no doubt because I was an OW I'll be accused of having the same attitude as the OW depicted in the OP, shouting in the background about how the BS was obviously crazy. However, irrespective of how I'll be perceived for posting on this thread, and for my response, I'm going to give my point of view. I don't believe that other people, whoever they are and whatever their actions, can be to held to blame for other people's suicides. The man was divorcing, as he is entitled to do, no matter how long the marriage or how many children, and whether or not he had had an affair. In fact, if the story is to be believed it was not the affair, but the man leaving his W which triggered her final actions. What is the message intended here? Are we really in life supposed to change our behaviour in case someone else might take their own life? Harsh as it may sound, no I don't believe so. And I don't believe even the OP can consider that a reasonable desire on the part of a BS. It would be seen as extreme and cruel manipulation, or it would by me at any rate. So my question about this thread is, what are we as OW (and OM) and anyone else for that matter supposed to learn from this? Are we really supposed to go away wondering whether what we do in life is going to inadvertently cause someone else to kill themselves? Once again, I'm very sorry for all concerned in this, and to be honest I'm not entirely comfortable with someone's very fresh tragedy being used as a morality tale to beat others with. I agree, it was a very very selfish choice that she made, She was not thinking about her children , only herself. My ex threatened suicide years ago, if I left. He even tried it several times, not on his own, always where someone would see and stop him. Total drama, He was trying to blackmail me ito staying. It got so old, The first few times, it worked on me. I ran to his rescue. But I wanted out, and that was not fair way of keeping a partner in a R , that they no longer wanted to be in. I finally said, go ahead do it , get it over with, and if you need some help, I will help you get it right this time. He never tried it again, And I left. my grasndfather did commit suicide. selffish SOB, in my op. Its the easy way out, People need to grow up and lean to deal with thier problems, get help, but at the end of the day, when someone does succeed in killing themselves, it was thier choice, no one made them do it. No one is to blame but the person who killed themselves. The sad truth is the children will be the one to pay for their mothers selfishness, they now have no mother. Link to post Share on other sites
StillSame Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 FaithfulWife, Please post this on the Infidelity Board as well. Not only do the OW/OM need to know the possible consequences of their actions, so do unfaithful husbands and wifes. They need to know the REAL pain that they are doing to other human beings. Link to post Share on other sites
ElvenPriestess Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 FaithfulWife, Please post this on the Infidelity Board as well. Not only do the OW/OM need to know the possible consequences of their actions, so do unfaithful husbands and wifes. They need to know the REAL pain that they are doing to other human beings. An excellent idea! Show those in a fantastical world the reality of things. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Wow, I actually want to cry. Just imagine those kids will be haunted forever, they gonna say the dad, You drove mom to her death literally. and it was true. All he had to do was be faithful but he couldnt keep it in his pants! This is so messed up!!! I can feel their pain writing across this computer right now! Even if the H would have divorce her first before having an affair,... my bet is that this kind of woman would kill herself anyway... they just can't face life without their partner... We'll never know if it was due to the A or just because she can't face life alone... We can only speculate... but my bet is that she would have done it anyway... even without the A. Link to post Share on other sites
StillSame Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 FaithfulWife, Please post this on the Infidelity Board as well. Not only do the OW/OM need to know the possible consequences of their actions, so do unfaithful husbands and wifes. They need to know the REAL pain that they are doing to other human beings. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Even if the H would have divorce her first before having an affair,... my bet is that this kind of woman would kill herself anyway... they just can't face life without their partner... We'll never know if it was due to the A or just because she can't face life alone... We can only speculate... but my bet is that she would have done it anyway... even without the A. This is an excellent point... However, I don't think that's what the OP wants to hear because her opening line was that she want's OW to know what damage/harm they are doing to someone else's family... Also, it is interesting that the situation is almost identical to her own... But I don't think that anyone is suddenly going to end their R because one very sick woman took her own life...Isn't that the same blackmail that some often use to keep their spouse from leaving them? This is the case of a woman who was very sick and depressed and the answer should have been to be in IC and on meds...Her H's responsibility for her happiness ceased when he left... Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Even if the H would have divorce her first before having an affair,... my bet is that this kind of woman would kill herself anyway... they just can't face life without their partner... We'll never know if it was due to the A or just because she can't face life alone... We can only speculate... but my bet is that she would have done it anyway... even without the A. my bet is that this kind of woman would kill herself anyway... they just can't face life without their partner... That's an excellent point Lizzie! AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 That was my point entirely. It would be the "RIGHT" thing to do. People don't always do what is right - that's true - but let's at least call it what it is. WRONG! No, I won't call it that. Like I said, we are imperfect beings leading imperfect lives. To err is only human. To stray is also human. Few people intentionally mean to harm others. Link to post Share on other sites
syz Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 This is why it is important to leave with integrity and with care. We each are responsible for our actions .. he didn't make her kill herself, and she didn't drive him to cheat. But there is causation, she wasn't operating in a vacuum except in a vacuum of respect or love. Link to post Share on other sites
Virgo1982 Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Hmmm.... The opposite of "right" is "wrong." If one is "right," the other MUST be "wrong," no matter how many circles you try to talk around the issue. What???? So she was right to committ suicide? If you were standing there and she allowed you to speak, you would tell her it was wrong and give her reasons why. You have to function for your children. Period. That's not just a mother's duty, but a father's as well. Link to post Share on other sites
StillSame Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 It's just amazing how these OW/OM are trying to say anything to make themselves feel better about their immoral behavior. She killed herself because of the affair as evident by her choice of location, at the OW's place. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 This is an excellent point... However, I don't think that's what the OP wants to hear because her opening line was that she want's OW to know what damage/harm they are doing to someone else's family... Also, it is interesting that the situation is almost identical to her own... But I don't think that anyone is suddenly going to end their R because one very sick woman took her own life...Isn't that the same blackmail that some often use to keep their spouse from leaving them? This is the case of a woman who was very sick and depressed and the answer should have been to be in IC and on meds...Her H's responsibility for her happiness ceased when he left... Exactly... I was in a very deep depression, for 6 years.. I had 3 serious suicide attempts... I was in a coma for 5 days under oxygen... I did the same thing she did.. except for the plastic bag... I almost succeeded... I was mentally very unstable.. but my relationship with my bf at the time was very good... I think my separation from my first ex triggered this depression..but I was the one to leave... It's nobody's fault but her own... she made the choice to end her life... I hope no one will blame the husband, or the OW or anybody... because I am positive that, even if he would have done the proper thing of divorcing first, blablabla... she was just too weak or emotionally dependant to face life without him... This is the sad reality... It's easy to put the blame on every one around her... but she's the ONLY one to blame.. like I was the ONLY one to blame when my children were at my bedside at the hospital.. crying for the pain I had caused them... That made me the strong woman I am now... I even framed the card my daughter gave me back then... it's beautiful... It's in my stair case and I look at it everyday when I go up to bed... the words are inside, not showing.. only the 'image' is showing. So please don't jump on anyone's back... it's was solely HER fault. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 This is why it is important to leave with integrity and with care. We each are responsible for our actions .. he didn't make her kill herself, and she didn't drive him to cheat. But there is causation, she wasn't operating in a vacuum except in a vacuum of respect or love. Good point.. I don't want to be disrespectful for the OP.. but maybe she drove him to cheat... we don't know what was going on in their M... We can only speculate here... Some posters will say that HE is responsible.. HE drove her to kill herself... I don't agree... never will... I know I've been there. WE WILL NEVER EVER KNOW WHAT REALLY HAPPENED IN HER HEAD, BECAUSE WE WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON IN THEIR MARRIAGE! period. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 "This 'kind' of woman?" Good grief. As if you know her at all. No I don't know her.. no one here, except the OP, knows her, and even HER didn't know for sure what was going on in their life. I can talk from experience here... been there, done that.. I tried 3 times in a 6-year period... 3 serious attempts.. I didn't just cut my wrists... I was in a coma twice... the doctors don't even know I survived those 3 attempts... I guess my guardian angel was close. Do you really know what is going on in a suicidal person's brain... unless you can speak from experience... I'm sorry but I think I know what I'm talking about... thank you very much. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Well you deserve anything coming to you because once you participate in an affair, you're fair game. You're nothing. Remember it always. This comment is just plain, downright cruel and definitely uncalled for. Sorry, Lizzie! I'm really glad you survived all that and are here with us on LS! Link to post Share on other sites
Virgo1982 Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 This comment is just plain, downright cruel and definitely uncalled for. Sorry, Lizzie! I'm really glad you survived all that and are here with us on LS! It is cruel and it's the way certain people see things... Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 This comment is just plain, downright cruel and definitely uncalled for. Sorry, Lizzie! I'm really glad you survived all that and are here with us on LS! Thank you Marlena... I've always been convinced that pain and struggle make someone stronger. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Hmmm.... The opposite of "right" is "wrong." If one is "right," the other MUST be "wrong," no matter how many circles you try to talk around the issue OK! I'll let you have that one. It was "wrong" in a religious/societal/moral sense of the word. But we are imperfect beings. And as such do "wrong" things all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Kasan Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 It is cruel and it's the way certain people see things... Well then they are wrong. Life is hard enough, without all these circular arguments, and finger pointing. Does it really matter who is to blame? Five children are without their mother. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Thank you Marlena... I've always been convinced that pain and struggle make someone stronger. Indeed, they do, Lizzie! Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 It is cruel and it's the way certain people see things... No, it's the way cruel people see things! Link to post Share on other sites
Virgo1982 Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Thank you Marlena... I've always been convinced that pain and struggle make someone stronger. It does and there is no revenge sweeter than living well. I hope you all understand that I was not serious when I wrote that comment... Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 OK! I'll let you have that one. It was "wrong" in a religious/societal/moral sense of the word. But we are imperfect beings. And as such do "wrong" things all the time. Well said.. that the first one who never did anything wrong throw the first stone.. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 She killed herself because of the affair as evident by her choice of location, at the OW's place. That is merely ONE POSSIBLE EXPLANATION. The OP said: The Wife Killed herself today I just wanted to let those in relationships with married men to consider the harm they can do to a family. My friends husband had decided to leave her and her five children for his mistress after 23 years of marriage. They did not fight and seemed to have a great relationship and she was not even aware of his plans to leave. He left three months ago and filed for divorce last month and got real nasty to her. She was confused and hurt not knowing what she had done to incure his wrath. This morning she drove to the OW's apartment where her husband was, pulled her car behind his, attached a flex hose to her tailpipe with a pipeclamp. She pulled the hose through the back window of her van and placed a clear garbage bag over her head with the hose inside and started the car. They found her when he went out to head to work. On this evidence: they "seemed to have a great relationship" BW "was not even aware of his plans to leave" BW was "confused and hurt" after his leaving 3 months ago, and "not knowing what she had done to incur his wrath" Plus: BW "pulled her car behind his" outside OW's apartment... I reckon a more plausible explanation is that BW didn't KNOW about the A, was shocked at the abrupt end to the M and the "unexplained" nastiness of her xH, and went to where he'd find her to commit suicide. IOW, it was the LEAVING rather than the A that triggered the suicide. Had he left, and then started a R with the woman, the response would likely have been the same - she'd have simply drawn up behind his car outside the GF's apartment. Of course we'll never know. But in speculating, I think it's more honest to frame our opinions as OPINIONS and not to claim they're FACT. Link to post Share on other sites
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