Grass isn't greener

[yagottahelp]

Hey everyone, just wanted some input on peoples personal experience. My gf and I of 2 1/2 years broke up a few months ago about the last week of school. We will both be juniors next year after the summer break. I've been there for 2 full years, my gf, although we were going out beforehand, transferred there her 2nd year. Her first year was at home commuting, so she missed out on a lot of things she couldn't do or experience that I did while i was away.

 

Well we got through the year pretty much unscathed, it was a little rocky though and we knew that we needed to communicate better to allow each of us to have more experience with friends, instead of feeling that each of us HAD to be with each other 24 hours a day, basically we didn't want to miss out on college, but we still loved each other and were attracted to each other and wanted it to work.

 

Well as of right now, she is moving this summer which isn't a huge deal since we go to school together, but she's taking it hard, has to work almost everyday to make money for payments, and helps her mom take care of the house, definately overloaded! She wants to be best friends, she hasn't just said it, we have been-she wants to hangout almost everyday, we basically are still together minus holding hands, kissing, sex, etc.......which is ok with me, because the foundation is still there, i think she just feels less pressure if it's not officially going out since she has everyting else going in her life.

 

I have figured out that also she feels that she's missing out on college because she's in a sense tied down. I assure you, and you may laugh at me, it's not about hooking up with a ton of guys, it's not her at all. But i do think she thinks by calling us best friends and not gf bf, that suddenly it opens up a ton of oppurutnities-

 

I think she sees the grass greener on the other side, she thinks single college life is the way to be, and for some people it is, i tried it, and hated it, that's just me-how many of you have dealt with this or maybe felt something was better, but realized what you left was what you wanted

[quankanne]

... or maybe she simply understands that by commuting to school and working fulltime to help her family, she's not going to have gobs of time to focus on a relationship the way she had before. She might not want to tie herself down while she's got so many things going on and by telling you that you're still in her life, but in a lesser "role" is her way of making the situation work out.

 

I don't necessarily think it's always about the grass being greener elsewhere, but realizing that things don't work out the way you had hoped they would. It just sounds like a period of adjustment for her. While you might have hated the single life and found being with her more to your liking, her needs right now might be taking the focus off relationships while she tries to balance the rest of the stuff she's doing (work, school, homelife).

 

>how many of you have dealt with this or maybe felt something was better >but realized what you left was what you wanted?

 

lol, we always want what we can't have, but in the end, we get by because we have what we need. Give her space so that she can come to you freely, and not have to deal with y'alls relationship like it was a piece of gum she can't get off her shoe.

[yagottahelp]

thanks, that's intersting with your last line-we've been broken up since the very end of april- i gave her space, i rarely intiate anything, and don't you know, just about everyday she'll call to do something-so at least she's making the effort

 

I totally agree that part of it is the last thing she needs in her life is anything else basically, that includes a relationshgip, i think that if she calls us bestfriends and tones us down, it keeps a lot of extra pressure off, pressure she doesn't need