nextel Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 with a short history about your R with MM/MW. (Not too much Information). If the brief story sounds like a thumbs up, say so and tell us your story. Me first:) I have been dating MM for the last 5 months. We have known each other for about 6 years, but did not start the A until 5 months ago. He has been M for a little less than 2 years. Anyways, I am trying not to be a fool through this process. I have come across some very good advice from some posters. The deadline is end of this month for him to make things happen because I refuse to continue being the OW and he is aware of this. He tells me that he loves me (don't they all), but I want to believe that the amount of time that we spend together is telling me that he wants to be with me and that he is serious. MM spends extended weekends with me, comes to my home everyday, makes sure I have what I need in the home, pays most of the bills, likes to take me on trips, business dinners, and to spend time with his family. He has given me his word that he is not just having a good time and has told me that he has loved me for a very long time. What do you think? Your turn!
Ms. Red Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 What do you think? Your turn! If you knew each other for 6 years, what made you decide to start an A after he married less than 2 years ago?....that's what me thinks!
PoshPrincess Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 I met exMM in August 05, DDay happened in December 05 and it was pretty much downhill from there. Oh yes, we both thought it was the 'big love thing' and maybe it was, but when the sh*t hit the fan he didn't have any balls! I still have feelings for him and he appears to have them for me but there would be no going back now for either of us!
malaclypse Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 (edited) I know MW for about 5 months, 3 of which we had an A. About 3 weeks ago, I told her (again) that I do not want to be her affair only. I told her she should either come to be with me as a GF, or **** off. 2 days later she told everything to her husband. Haven't heard from her since. I still miss her, but I'm too good to be second choice. Edited January 4, 2008 by malaclypse
GirlZilla Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 I was with MM for over 2 1/2 years...both us us married. He was my best friend, lover, teacher and buddy!! I left in Mar. 2007 and he just couldn't see to leave his...as the time wasn't right yet.... So, on Nov. 1, 2007..he decided that it was unfair for me to keep "waiting" on him and have been in very limited contact since(short emails only). I am feeling stronger finally and liking being single....but still miss him very much. NC has definately cleared my mind about a lot of things. But secretly, I hope he straightens it all out soon.
frannie Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 (edited) I was a single OW on and off for 3 and a half years, some NC, some long distance, some at the beginning online and on the phone only. Not sure I can be bothered to type it all out yet again. Never comfortable being the OW, but we had happy times together. In the past year he spent a lot of time here, overnights during the week, made friends together, introduced him to my family, and we went away on trips, spent Valentines together and so on. It could have gone on for a long time that way. However, last autumn I realised that while he was just getting too comfortable with how things were, I wasn't OK with being the OW forever. He would talk of the future and what we would do and so on and when he would leave one day. He talked with a lot of conviction of knowing he would leave, but when pressed for the hows and the whens his responses never really rang true, and I felt that he was just not really giving it serious thought. He couldn't give me a time when all this would miraculously happen, or how, and I began to think he was just coasting and evading, and I felt uncomfortable with that. So I decided to stop seeing him. So that was last October, and as soon as I said that it couldn't continue he booked himself into counselling to deal with his evasion... which soon turned into looking at why he was still there even with the way he felt about me, and his conscious desire to leave, and an attempt at finding out why his sense of duty to his children (in 'being there' physically) over-rode all those other considerations. Since October we haven't seen each other, and don't believe I'll ever see him again while/if he's still living there. We're still in contact by email, and he calls occasionally to let me know how his counselling is going. I have gone back to him in the past when he's come to his 'conclusion' that he can't leave 'for now'... but this time I can't see there's anything to go back for. Being in an affair has ended for me. Something just flipped over and I feel really grateful that it has... Edited January 4, 2008 by frannie repetition
GirlZilla Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Being in an affair has ended for me. Something just flipped over and I feel really grateful that it has... Frannie....the "flipped" over statement....I am starting to get that, and it is a liberating feeling.
Author nextel Posted January 4, 2008 Author Posted January 4, 2008 If you knew each other for 6 years, what made you decide to start an A after he married less than 2 years ago?....that's what me thinks! I dont see your story.....are you OW/OM?
Author nextel Posted January 4, 2008 Author Posted January 4, 2008 I was a single OW on and off for 3 and a half years, some NC, some long distance, some at the beginning online and on the phone only. Not sure I can be bothered to type it all out yet again. Never comfortable being the OW, but we had happy times together. In the past year he spent a lot of time here, overnights during the week, made friends together, introduced him to my family, and we went away on trips, spent Valentines together and so on. It could have gone on for a long time that way. However, last autumn I realised that while he was just getting too comfortable with how things were, I wasn't OK with being the OW forever. He would talk of the future and what we would do and so on and when he would leave one day. He talked with a lot of conviction of knowing he would leave, but when pressed for the hows and the whens his responses never really rang true, and I felt that he was just not really giving it serious thought. He couldn't give me a time when all this would miraculously happen, or how, and I began to think he was just coasting and evading, and I felt uncomfortable with that. So I decided to stop seeing him. So that was last October, and as soon as I said that it couldn't continue he booked himself into counselling to deal with his evasion... which soon turned into looking at why he was still there even with the way he felt about me, and his conscious desire to leave, and an attempt at finding out why his sense of duty to his children (in 'being there' physically) over-rode all those other considerations. Since October we haven't seen each other, and don't believe I'll ever see him again while/if he's still living there. We're still in contact by email, and he calls occasionally to let me know how his counselling is going. I have gone back to him in the past when he's come to his 'conclusion' that he can't leave 'for now'... but this time I can't see there's anything to go back for. Being in an affair has ended for me. Something just flipped over and I feel really grateful that it has... Its really neat that you realized what how things were. I guess being in an A, anyone can tell you not to do it, but until you really experience it for yourself....then only can you know what it takes, or how it feels.
Author nextel Posted January 4, 2008 Author Posted January 4, 2008 I know MW for about 5 months, 3 of which we had an A. About 3 weeks ago, I told her (again) that I do not want to be her affair only. I told her she should either come to be with me as a GF, or **** off. 2 days later she told everything to her husband. Haven't heard from her since. I still miss her, but I'm too good to be second choice. You are strong despite the fact that you miss her, you have not compromised your position.
LadyDi Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 My story is a little different. Both OM and I are married. We started out as friends/co-workers 5 years or more ago. Wasn't attracted to him, just friends with common interests. Fast forward to now, we are both at a different company, he came here a year before me. We started out lunching, etc. and soon we were spending more and more time together. Texting - IM's and e-mails....then one day we kissed and it went from there. Both knew we wouldn't leave our spouses, this was just a "work" thing. It was all fun and games until the wife found some text msgs. We are currently in NC and he took a couple of weeks off from work to work on the problems he now has at home. I do miss him, and the texting, e-mails etc., but truely I want him to be happy, we were friends first, and I hope we can continue that, but from all I've read, that's doubtful. I don't want him to resent me or hate the sight of me, but I see also from here it goes 50/50 on that too. I'll just wait till he gets back to work and respect whatever he has decided. Well, thats my story, and it did turn out to be a little long now, didn't it?!
frannie Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Its really neat that you realized what how things were. I guess being in an A, anyone can tell you not to do it, but until you really experience it for yourself....then only can you know what it takes, or how it feels. I think people have very different experiences of affairs. Ours was pretty smooth sailing considering what I read on this and other boards. I think anyone who wasn't too bothered about the future, and didn't have an issue with being with someone so ready to let things be as they are (i.e. not at all like me ) would have really had few issues with the situation I was in. He was always pretty brilliant about everything. BUT... ... it just wasn't for me. I couldn't look at him any longer and think, yes I really respect the decision you've taken. I did for a long time think yes, his staying for the kids is the best thing to do... because no one likes to think of divorce and all that trauma. But if he is not fully in the marriage, cheating, unhappy, and not making anyone else happy either, then the head-in-the-sand attitude isn't right. So really, that made up my mind (or feelings about him) for me. I think it's great that he's finally addressing all those issues, and I hope it works out for all concerned... of course not everyone concerned will have what they want, but that was the problem with the whole affair: trying to cover all bases, not upset anyone, you actually end up upsetting everyone. And one of us had to make a move on it. Turned out to be me.
imstunned Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 I was an unknowing OW from Feb 07 untill approx October 07 when I figured he was married. He threw me under the bus a week later when the wife found some of my texts. Been reeling and trying to pick myself up ever since.
Lizzie60 Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 with my current MM from work... he said he was in love with me waaayyy before we even started to flirt, IMs at work, etc. It all started in April 06. Then we started exchanging emails, he opened a new account on yahoo so we could IMs at night... at work, whenever he had a meeting in my building, he would come and see me every time. Then at one event (at work) we were in the same hall... then he asked me if he could drive me home after... I said yes... then he told me how he felt about me.. he asked me for lunch the next week. I told him how I felt about him and that I didn't want any commitment, that I wasn't feeling the same way he was... and I never did... lol Then we went for lunch... he came over for a drink after.. and we talked once again about the A. We finally end up in bed.. that was a year from last July... He is desperately in love with me.. but he knows how I feel about him.. I love the sex part... plus he's a good friend... an amazing lover. He has no idea about my lifestyle... We email all day.. all evenings, everyday. He has a BB so it's more convenient and discreet. He can't spend his evenings on the home computer for obvious reasons. He is 46, have been together for over 28 yrs.. they both married virgins... He just got a promotion (now in high end management)... now I am seeking a promotion in a few months... and I need him to help me... ------------------------------------------------ My other young MM (he's not married but live with his gf) is 25... We've been seeing each other for over 2 years now.. at first it was for 'massages' only... then he said he got addicted to me... wanted more.. etc. We end up in bed... he got busted about 3 months ago.. called me and said it was over..blablabla... I like him a lot (he's my favourite) but I am not in love with him... I enjoy his company a lot but if he's not around I don't think about him... so I'm not missing him really. He is sweet... good looking, a football player frame, extra wide shoulders, nice lean legs. He is already a serial cheater (but with one OW at a time) he is a workholic... works 6 days a weeks over 12-14 hours a day. He does a lot of stuff around the house for me... whenever I need something to be done, he does it... we see each other as much as he can... depending on his schedule... but he's got to be careful as she knows where I live... ---------------------------------------------------- I am seeing other MMs but these 2 are my 2 'steady' MMs.
Lyssa Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 I met MM in late 2006. Went NC for a short time, got back together. They've been talking about divorcing for a couple of times and they did sign the papers in 2007. We're taking one step at a time. We have gone through a lot emotionally with his son's operation and the loss of my mother recently. Just waiting for me to finish up my Masters and then perhaps, we'll talk about relocating and etc. One day at a time.
GreenEyedLady Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 I met my honey almost 3 years ago, not knowing he was married... I chose to stay after I found out... He's getting divorced and we are very happy... I don't think that's TMI...
OWoman Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 with a short history about your R with MM/MW. (Not too much Information). If the brief story sounds like a thumbs up, say so and tell us your story. Met this MM in a work context (MM, his W and I all work in the same field) but checked him out thoroughly before pouncing much later. Intended a fling, landed up both falling in love, deciding to be together, he's left W and we're working on practicalities so that we can.
Gwyneth Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 I had seen my MM each morning on my way to work and always though "wow." Then in July 06, he and I began this intense eye contact, and then one day he spoke to me. Well, he tapped me on the back and "invited" me to go on vacation with him and his friend. I was appalled. That was the start of our affair. D-Day has kind of happened as his wife knows there's a Gwyneth and she has called me. She has also caught him sending me emails and he has since created a secret email address. Last week he asked me what my feelings are for him--five months into our R, and when I wasn't giving him the answers he wanted to hear, he chose to now ignore me. So I am thinking it's over but not sure. I have a date with a new man this weekend He's not married...thank god.
imstunned Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Gwen - is your MM STILL ignoring you? Have you seen him at work? Just wonderng. .
Author nextel Posted January 5, 2008 Author Posted January 5, 2008 Everyone's story is unique in its own way. I hope that everyone can write something good that they have done with MM without giving TMI. It is emotionally hard and rollercoaster dating a MM, but only we know what we want from these men. I really admired the strength of some women in this thread. Tonight, MM is coming over and we will be dining out. He is spending the night, but has to pick up his children tomorrow afternoon at their mother's home, then he goes back to his house where the W resides. I have occupied alot of his time these last 2 weeks, and its been great. I dont care what the nay sayers say, I am getting his ass, I want this man to myself.
Gwyneth Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 Gwen - is your MM STILL ignoring you? Have you seen him at work? Just wonderng. . I will see him tomorrow at his job. He won't ignore me when he sees me--that isn't his style. We will be having a little talk though--I need to know what his deal is. I don't want him to be angry or upset with me, and I don't want to be angry or upset with him. I have a feeling he isn't checking his emails because I sent him an email to the address his wife knows and he never responded, not even with a "don't email me to this address Ever." Maybe he's sick, I don't know. He better be at work tomorrow so I get some answers. Otherwise I'll see him sometime next week at his job too. ps: My date is tomorrow guys!!! I'm very excited
Author nextel Posted January 5, 2008 Author Posted January 5, 2008 ps: My date is tomorrow guys!!! I'm very excited Have fun, fun, fun. Whatever you do, please have fun.
PoshPrincess Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 Since October we haven't seen each other, and don't believe I'll ever see him again while/if he's still living there. We're still in contact by email, and he calls occasionally to let me know how his counselling is going. I have gone back to him in the past when he's come to his 'conclusion' that he can't leave 'for now'... but this time I can't see there's anything to go back for. Being in an affair has ended for me. Something just flipped over and I feel really grateful that it has... Frannie, SO sorry that things didn't work out for you and your MM in the way that you hoped but I am really pleased for you that you have had the strength to end things. Is it hard staying in touch? Do you still talk about your feelings for him when you speak? (Apologies for thread-jacking!)
PoshPrincess Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 ps: My date is tomorrow guys!!! I'm very excited Way to go, Gwyneth!
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