Lucasarts Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 OK so I'm really interested in this girl (who is 4 years older than me) and im usually really good at reading if a girl likes me or not. But for some reason, i can't really figure out these mixed signals. Im not a master of anything, but i do have a clue about when a girl likes you or not (body language! and common sense). So im just going to list the positives and negatives that im seeing and maybe some of you can help me out by giving me your input about it. Pros: 1. She gave me her number (hehe i used the old study buddy tactic and worked it from there) 2. We've hung out (every time its just the two of us) 3. We hang out for 4+ hours each time (the last time it was like 6-7 hours) 4. We talk a lot, and laugh 5. She uses positive body language (playing with hair, her pupils tend to get bigger when looking at me, she wears some make-up (tho she doesnt really need it) when we hang out, she looks at me when talking, open body gestures) 6. She's hot (hahah ok just a positive for me) 7. We like a lot of the same things and really only seem to be into each other 8. She appears very calm and in control of herself 9. I haven't spent this amount of time and energy on any other girl, usually they let me know what they are thinking (yes or no) Negatives: 1. We've only hung out about...4 times (weak i know, buts ive ) 2. I do all the pursuing and arranging to get together (she only texts me when i text her first, she only calls me back after i've called her, etc) 3. She's incredibly hard to hang out with sometimes (she'll keep cancelling and making new dates, to which she'll cancel again; i pretty much almost gave up hope after she cancelled the 3rd time) but she ALWAYS seems to want to set up another time to hang out 4. She'll only really talk after i ask her questions or strings off something i say (i tend to talk a bit (never dominate the conversation), but most girls seem to like that, as i can hold a conversation and listen to them and give them my input and vice versa) but when she does, it goes on for a good while. 5. Dont know if its a negative, but shes 4 years older than me (more mature than me, so she might see me as immature? i donno i dont really think i act it, but heck im still younger than her so) 6. I haven't seen her for 2 weeks (mostly because of the fact that i was home and she was home for xmas and new years) And to end things, I am seeing her again this friday nite (i wanted to see her sooner, but she said thats the closest available time to hang out) and im hoping she doesnt cancel on me (i wont be surprised if she does, at least then i'll know that this relationship really wont matter and i can focus my time and energy on other girls). So there you have it, and hopefully this will all work out in the positive but i guess only time will tell. Maybe she is a girl that likes to be pursued? maybe she only sees me as a friend? maybe if she could tell me then i wouldnt have to think about the status of this relationship so that i post it here in hopes that someone who may have had a similar experience can let me know their insight about it. Anywho, thanks for reading this, really, i know that its not your problem and that you're taking time to help solve it.
Jilly Bean Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Yes, she sounds like she wants to be pursued (and also a bit shy). But I vote she's interested for sure.
Author Lucasarts Posted January 4, 2008 Author Posted January 4, 2008 ahhh well, if that is the case then i'm fine with that, i just wanted to make sure she wasnt trying to be nice and not hurt my feelings (cause i would hate to be played along like that) the thrill of a chase is always fun (for me anyways) as long as theres a good reward at the end
Author Lucasarts Posted January 4, 2008 Author Posted January 4, 2008 well just a heads up on my situation: so she cancels on me again (what a surprise, im used to this by now) but wanted to see me sunday...which i am busy and cannot see her. So i told her we'll hang out tuesday and see where it takes us from there (im not holding up hopes or canceling any plans on that day, knowing her now). Her excuse was that she was sick (hard to believe but i guess its the best thing she can make up?) anyways, i dont know, im not going to invest into this much further if this keeps up b/c i dont really see why she keeps playing me along like this. It's pretty obvious that we like each other (when we actually hang out) but now im considering just going after younger prospects who wont keep shrugging me off and not seeing me for weeks. blah, plus its annoying to cancel other plans to see someone and then not see them...
LosingMyDreamGirl Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 My sister has told me recently (when i started dating again) that if a woman wants to see you and is truly interested, she will do what she can to see you. Just let things go. Let her pursue now.
THE THRONE Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 THE THRONE has a bit of insight he can share with you. However, THE THRONE is about to eat his large pep pizza, so he will return and shed some light in around an hour or so.
tanbark813 Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 You're in the friendzone. Hanging out doesn't mean shyt unless you make a move. Kiss her the next time you get together and you'll have your answer. And this: 1. She gave me her number (hehe i used the old study buddy tactic and worked it from there) ...isn't a pro because of the bolded part. Getting the number is good but don't do it under the guise of some innocent and false reason. That's weak.
oppath Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 Getting the number is good but don't do it under the guise of some innocent and false reason. That's weak. So I shouldn't have asked my hip hop dance instructor to show me some new moves so I can beat my 4 year old cousin, who is taking ballet, in a dance off? Just kidding. Studying is TOO ambiguous. That's like asking a girl at work to coffee to discuss an account you are both working on. If she has interest, it is not going to matter, as long as you later invite her someone social, but if she is not yet highly attracted or interested, ambiguity does not help you win the hand.
tanbark813 Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 So I shouldn't have asked my hip hop dance instructor to show me some new moves so I can beat my 4 year old cousin, who is taking ballet, in a dance off? Dude, if you're having dance-offs with 4 year olds then you have bigger problems than I can help with. Just kidding. Studying is TOO ambiguous. That's like asking a girl at work to coffee to discuss an account you are both working on. If she has interest, it is not going to matter, as long as you later invite her someone social, but if she is not yet highly attracted or interested, ambiguity does not help you win the hand. Not only is it ambiguous but it sets the tone of the interaction as platonic rather than romantic. Furthermore, if the girl realizes he's just using studying as an excuse to hang out then it also comes across as a lack of confidence. Like Vince Vaughn says in Swingers: "There's nothing wrong with letting the girls know that you're money and that you want to party."
TigerCub Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 She seems like she might be interested, but I think you should also make yourself less available to her - I noticed that somewhere you mentioned that you hated cancelling your plans to see her and then have her cancel on you, so I think what you did when she wanted to see you this sunday was good because you were busy and you said you'll see her tuesday. I think it's good to not make yourself so available and don't go into detail as to why you're busy - that will maybe have her wondering if you're busy with other girls and that probably would make you seem more alluring. Oh and don't be the one initiating the calls all the time either, its nice when guys do it, but she should at least call you once in a while. - but that's just my opinion. On the other hand if you really wanna know how she feels for sure - Someone else suggested that you kiss her, and I agree - at least that way you'll know for sure. Good luck
THE THRONE Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 THE THRONE is back from feasting on pep pizza, and now he will address your situation. THE THRONE is going to address your Pros: 1. This is good, but be advised that some women lack the courage to tell you "no" so they give you the number and avoid you when you call. 2. This is GREAT. 3. On the surface this looks great, but you need to cut the time down. 4. You need to spend more time listening. Laughter is good. 5. Kinesics and proxemics are cool, just don't misinterpret the signals. 6. She is only hot if THE THRONE says she is hot. 7. Compatibility and shared interest are good, but you also want someone who has other interests. 8. Mental stability is good. 9. THE THRONE does not quite understand #9 THE THRONE will now address your cons: 1. Only hanging out four times? You should have the mentality that she should be happy to hang out with you four times. 2. She might be the kind that likes to be chased or is very shy (someone already hinted on that.) 3. Not a good sign. Although the counter offering is good, you aren't a doormat. The next time she does this you need to tell her it isn't a good time because you have something scheduled. 4. As long as you can keep the conversation going everything is good. 5. If you don't know if it is a neg why list it? 6. You haven't seen her for two weeks? I haven't seen my pet cat for over two years now, and I'm sure that cat contributed more to society than this woman did. Who cares if you haven't seen her in 2 weeks? THE THRONE says this woman is interested but not THAT interested to where she can't get enough of you. Basically THE THRONE is saying you don't have her wrapped around your finger, and the reason you don't is because she doesn't view you as THE priority in her life. Back off, make yourself scarce, and look forward to other options, and this brings me to this point--is she seeing someone else?
gfto Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 My sister has told me recently (when i started dating again) that if a woman wants to see you and is truly interested, she will do what she can to see you. Absolutely! One cancellation is a red flag. Multiple and consistent cancellations are a neon sign flashing: "not interested." You're grossly overrating this girl's interest in you. What you have is just a study buddy. Nothing on your list of "pros" suggests otherwise. But, as Tanbark said, going for a kiss will give you a conclusive answer.
Author Lucasarts Posted January 5, 2008 Author Posted January 5, 2008 ok i'll shed some more light on this situation the study buddy thing: i never used this as a tactic to get with this chick, she is actually one of the smarter kids in class and i wanted to get a good grade on my exam (so i sorta was using her...but in a good way) regardless, it isnt pro i know that...but it works To follow up, i never mentioned hanging out with her during the study breaks and only called her once during the following weekend to hang out (which she returned my call and agreed, only to...well postpone it till a weekday which we did hang out) She's a busy girl, she volunteers at like 4 different shelters...animal shelters and homeless shelters/soup kitchens (she is a good hearted person, so thats where im thinking maybe she doesnt want to let me down with a no...) while still goin to college 4 times a day She's a nerd, but i dont care, and she tends to keep to herself (she lives alone) and no she isnt seeing anybody (well she hasnt told me of anyone, and she didnt spend her new years doing anything special) She doesnt drink (only socially) so shes not a wild child/party girl (down to earth, just the way i like it in a girlfriend) Theres actually a lot of things i know about her, which is a surprise itself considering what shes told me...for a friend (if that is what i am?) so its hard to know for sure, especially with the few times we've hung out And yeah im only really asking if she is interested in me enough so that i can start actually thinking to commit to her to be my girlfriend (aka significant other) and to answer the pro's of #9 to THE THRONE (thanks for that humorous/informative sorta post) i usually can figure out if a girl is worth chasing/pursuing by the 3rd or 4th date... to which then i can just kiss her or ditch her (the feeling of chemistry, all the right signs, everything working out/ vice versa) but this one is like 50-50 (friends zone? i dont know, she only seems to hang out with me and her sister... but who knows she might be lying to make me feel better? if so thats weak no matter what) and believe me i really turned up the charm the last time (she ignored her phone the entire time we were hanging out; she ended up completely missing/forgetting that she had to hang out with her sister and spending it with me) but yeah thanks for all the replies, i love reading other peoples opinions and ideas of what this situation is all about
EYECANDY000 Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 I does sound like she is interested in you. but she may just be feeling you out to see if you fall under bf material or friend. Have you asked her how she feels about you?
THE THRONE Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 And yeah im only really asking if she is interested in me enough so that i can start actually thinking to commit to her to be my girlfriend (aka significant other) In chapter 29, verse 21-22 of The Book of the Seven-Legged Lamb, it reads: "21. Thou shalt not commit to a woman until she hath completely fallen head over heels and proven her worth. 22. Thou shalt not be eager to consider her voice but shalt be quick to judge her worth by her actions." and to answer the pro's of #9 to THE THRONE (thanks for that humorous/informative sorta post) i usually can figure out if a girl is worth chasing/pursuing by the 3rd or 4th date... to which then i can just kiss her or ditch her (the feeling of chemistry, all the right signs, everything working out/ vice versa) but this one is like 50-50 (friends zone? i dont know, she only seems to hang out with me and her sister... but who knows she might be lying to make me feel better? if so thats weak no matter what) THE THRONE thanks you for your compliment, but THE THRONE is simply spreading the doctrine of the Seven-Legged Lamb which will set men free from the bondage of feminazis, vagina and wussiness. THE THRONE says you need to not place all your eggs in one basket and that you need to REALLY pay attention to this womans actions. Go with your gut instinct and keep an open mind, but most of all don't cave in and commit just because she behaved herself for a brief period of time.
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