BerksHubby Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 I'm not at all nervous that my wife is cheating on me, but I'm trying to figure out where things are heading... We have been married for a while - college sweethearts. We're typically the stay-at-home types, but occassionally we'll go out on the town. Same goes for how we dress - usually the Gap/Banana Republic crowd. About two years ago, though, my wife worked hard to get back into shape. Since then, she's started to mix in more skirts, tight jeans, revealing and low-cut shirts. I've encouraged her to dress up more, and I've told her that I do like it when other guys take notice to her...makes me proud, turns me on...that sort of stuff. Now she has a few very short skirts (I've measured six that are between 11 and 13 inches) and a whole stack of the low-low rise jeans. So far, would sound good, but lately I get mixed signals. Here are two examples: The first time, we went out to a dinner for a group I belong to. I suggested a short skirt, and she became very upset. She accused me of wanting her to dress like a bimbo and making her uncomfortable around other women. When I came home (just in time to leave for the dinner), I found her in a skirt that barely covered her butt, a tight sweater, and tall heels (I think at least 3 inches). She had on tights, but they were very sheer. She gave me big smiles and made a point of flashing her underwear a few times. During the dinner we had to move from one room to another (appetizers to dinner). One of the guys she and I talked to most of the night pointedly stood to the side of the steps until SHE got to the steps and then told us we could go first. My wife walked up the middle of the steps in front of the other guy and me. Her skirt was short enough that she was showing her ass cheeks and her panties were just barely showing. I'm sure if I saw it, the other guy saw it too. She was talkative all night long (with me, with the couples at our table, etc.), and was very horny when we got home. The second time, we went to a party held by some friends. Before the party she again complained fiercely about dressing too provocatively when I suggested an outfit. She ended up wearing a short pleated skirt and leather boots. I warned her that she should be careful walking up steps and she thanked me for the info. She switched from angry to flirty on the way to the party. Several times during the night, she ran up and down the steps to the bathroom, each time her skirt would flip up showing her ass (she had on a thong - once or twice she showed that too). Later that night, she played ping-pong while some of the guys were seated in chairs along the wall behind her. Throughout the game she posed as if she was a pro waiting to return a serve. I was actually standing off to the side, and I could see some of her butt sticking out, so the guys behind were probably seeing everything when she bent over. Again she came home happy and bubbly, and completely turned on. So I guess my question/concern is whether her actions are indicating that she's bored with me (or worse - about to stray), that she's truly upset and just trying to please me, or that she's somewhat an exhibitionist and just not quite ready to break out. I'm okay with her putting on shows that only lead back to me, I don't want her to feel trapped or pressured (well, I may plead for the outfits, but I don't want her to feel abused or forced to do it). If we're at the point of no return...well, how do I turn this thing around?!?!?!?! Thanks for reading.
child_of_isis Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 It sounds as if she is not comfortable doing this, but does it anyway for you. She thinks it turns you on when guys are looking up her skirt and it either turns her on, or she is pretending it does.
Jordane Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Ummm...how old is your wife? This is really distasteful. Showing off your ass and panties to anyone but your husband or boyfriend is pretty trashy and I can only imagine what your friends think of her.
sunshinegirl Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Let me get this straight. You WANT her to dress provocatively, but when she does so and gets attention from other men (which you say turns you on), you think she's an exhibitionist/about to stray/bored with you? That makes no sense to me.
whichwayisup Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Maybe she wants to do it when it's her idea, but when it's your idea it turns her off. Either way you need to talk to her about this, otherwise it WILL ruin your relationship and marriage with bad feelings, jealously and being hurt.
annieo Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 I think there's a difference between flaunting yourself, getting all worked up and screwing your husband like mad when you get home and cheating. If what she's doing doesn't escalate, and the two of you are still good, would you mind if she continues? If no, then I think you are a-ok.
cj1988 Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 I think she is just felling sexy at the moment. My H buys me clothes like that and wants me to wear them as well. When I do, he keeps his eye on me at all times. Then if I bend over to far (or what he thinks is too far) he gets on to me.....so it is strange. He loves when me look, but not too long and loves to see me in it, but gets jealous......I feel good and safe when I wear it if he is there.....I am not allowed to wear it when is not there, for good reason, I am ok with that !
american-woman Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 This is dangerous behavior. She knows other men are looking and whos to say she won`t go the next step
rb45 Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Don't say anything for a couple months and see if she continues to dress that way, she may think she is doing what you want. My wife was very conservative and it took me years to get her to loosen up and wear the clothes that show off her figure. It too was like opening Pandora's box, she suddenly got all this attention and I know she did enjoy it. Once or twice while out socializing with friends at a local bar I had to take her aside and tell her to be carefull, she didn't realize that what she thought was just teasing me, had attracted attention from others. I pointed out that one of these guys is going to touch her, at which point I am going to hurt them, and probably end up in jail. She still shows a little skin but keeps close by me so there is no doubt who she is with.
Author BerksHubby Posted January 5, 2008 Author Posted January 5, 2008 Thanks to everyone for your responses. To answer one of the earlier questions: we're both in our early thirties. I am the one who encouraged her to dress more provacatively, and I do enjoy seeing her in sexy outfits and being admired by other men. I guess the on-again, off-again way she reacted to dressing up is what has concerned me the most. I would've been more at ease had she said from the begining "I'd love to do it for you," or even say "not in a thousand years unless we're at home and the shades are drawn." The response I perceived was more along the lines of an immediate "NO WAY!" followed by an eventual "Watch as I show everything to everyone." I guess I need her intentions spelled out for me sometimes, or I'm in disbelief that she'd actually dress that way... So, thanks again!
Ronni_W Posted January 7, 2008 Posted January 7, 2008 The response I perceived was more along the lines of an immediate "NO WAY!" followed by an eventual "Watch as I show everything to everyone." I agree with Sunshinegirl -- it's rather like you've gone and confused yourself with your own mixed-up and conflicting reactions, isn't it? My take is that she's not trying to hide anything about anything -- could be that in her mind the two of you are totally "in this show together". The initial "no way" was replaced by "this is great" through a process of getting used to the new image (new way of looking and acting)...it takes the Self a while to fully accept the change. It sounds like it could be a fun and flirty aspect of your relationship. I guess it would just be important to keep open the lines of communication around it, and ensure that neither one feels uncomfortable in any way.
Arachnia Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 I read your post about your concerns regarding your wife's new style of dress and flirtatious ways since she lost weight and thought you may benefit from this perspective. I'm not much for fluff, so here it is, to the point I was married (now divorced) for five or so years. I struggled with my weight after having kids, bouncing between 130pnds and 200pnds. I decided (about a year before the divorce) to lose the weight and become sexy and happy with myself again. The motivation for this change came from three distinct places...1. I wanted to feel I could compete with the younger, more in shape women my husband was looking at 2. I wanted to feel attractive and confident in public, able to wear today's in style clothes 3. I was bored silly with the mundane sex life I had become accustomed to with my husband. I think your wife may be wanting you to treat her as if you have just seen her, sexy ass showing and all. Treat her as you would a new woman when you get home and she is turned on by the attention she received while you were out. Be assertive and let your desires be known. She will be much less likely to seek attention from other men if she is getting the desired response from you.....In short....when was the last time you grabbed her from behind and made her feel like you just couldn't wait another second to get into her pants? Your wife's behavior may simply indicate that she needs a more assertive sexual interest on your part......the kind women get in bars from men they don't know. Good luck!!
D-Lish Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 I think she is probably looking to feel sexy and desirable... when you have been with the same person for a long time, the magic naturally diminishes and familiarity and comfort become the focus of the relationship. I don't think she is looking to have an affair- I think she is looking to shake things up again, perhaps re-kindle that spark. Yes, it's possible she is a bit bored, that happens. Why not step things up a bit yourself to add some spice back into your sex life. I don't think it's a sign she's looking elsewhere for sexual attention- I think she's trying to get YOUR attention. So, give it to her!
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