marlena Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 A good realtionship? One that both parties enjoy being in.
lbj123 Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 I can absolutely attest to having fears and doubts in ending a marriage having to do with 1) a fear of being alone 2) fear of leaving only to make another mistake 3) the guilt of causing pain to your spouse and 4) the self-imposed embarrassment and devistation in admitting failure. No one likes failing, losing, thinking you were right but reaizing you were wrong. Coming to terms with and ackowledging my unhappiness in my marriage was one of the most difficult things I've ever been through. And it took a long time for me to admit my true feelings to myself. And that being said, I was only married for a short time, and ended it while I was still somewhat young, so I can imagine the longer the marriage, the more difficult it is to make this decision. What really tipped the scales for me in making the decision was ackowledging my feelings of desire to be with someone else (not anyone in particular -- I did not cheat on my xhusband) but the general feeling when we were together that I wished I was with someone else, whether it be another man I had yet to meet, or even a friend or family member. There were, of course, things I loved about him, otherwise I wouldn't have been with him in the first place, but all in all, I came to understand that there was something that felt forced between us, and that we were not in sync with one another in a way that I am with the people that I am closest with in my life. I think everyone has things that are "non-negotiables' to them in relationships, and then there are other things that you can make compromises on. That feeling of "there is no one in the world I'd rather be with in this very moment" was just something I couldn't live without.
Kasan Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 A long term relationship constantly changes, so what defines a great relationship constantly changes. When I was first married, great sex defined our relationship, as well as the ability to really get to know each other. As the years have gone on, supporting each other raising the kids defined our relationship. We were a united front. Now that the kids are gone, we are back to being a couple again, and discovering how much we have grown and changed through the years. What defines us now? Companionship and a true enjoyment of each other, we laugh a lot now, and the sex isn't to bad either.
marlena Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 A long term relationship constantly changes, so what defines a great relationship constantly changes. When I was first married, great sex defined our relationship, as well as the ability to really get to know each other. As the years have gone on, supporting each other raising the kids defined our relationship. We were a united front. Now that the kids are gone, we are back to being a couple again, and discovering how much we have grown and changed through the years. What defines us now? Companionship and a true enjoyment of each other, we laugh a lot now, and the sex isn't to bad either. Perfect!
SerenityX2 Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 #1 is communication, w/o = no trust compromise, but never be a doormat...it's def give and take..but if something is really important to you...don't be afraid to say it...b/c if you don't it will harbor resentment...which brings me to...Never play head games...say what you want/need don't play games to get it. Stay in touch throughout the day...even just 2 min calls at lunch or while you're driving home to say you're thinking about them...end calls with "I love you"...in fact we say that often throughout the day. Enjoy really being together...talk about your day...we do a thing called high/low at dinner...what was your "high" for the day...etc Keep passion alive...MAKE LOVE and often!!! Have candlelight full body massages. If the excuse is kids...there's no reason that they can't know mom and dad "do it" lol. Take time out away for each other. Take a shower together...I didn't say videotape and show them...but let the kids see affection. Make oridanary things sexy like doing the dishes...and since I/we love water...make a date....or spontaneously drive to a secluded spot or take a walk (again, secluded ) and have fun. Tease each other...if there's company step into another room and just wrap yourselves around each other...it'll make the rest of the night more interesting with your guests having that little "secret" between you two. Tell each other often how sexy and hot you find each other...again you know it...but it's good to hear....keeps the fires burning. It's crap that passion fades...only if you let it...feed and nuture and like anything else it grows.
SerenityX2 Posted January 10, 2008 Posted January 10, 2008 oops...on the above about "water" I mean when it's raining or thunderstorms....rain, water can be a real turn on. I couldn't edit and I wanted to clarify.
MysticStar Posted January 11, 2008 Posted January 11, 2008 I think it's where both people are comfortable with each other. They enjoy being together and most important, the love each other enough to make sacrifices for each other. I'm sorry about what you're going through with your marriage. I'm new here and really don't know much about your situation. My wife and I have been married for 25 years, and we've been through some pretty rough times to be sure. There were many times when I wanted to walk away and be done with it, and I'm sure my wife can say the same. But we stuck out the bad times. Partly because of the kids, partly because of our commitment to our marriage and to each other. Our marriage isn't perfect, but it is happy. I think that some people expect a happy marriage to be a perfect marriage and that isn't always the case. There are things I would change if I could, and I'm sure my wife feels the same way. But when there are things about your spouse and your situation that you can't change. You have choice, You can let them eat at you and make you miserable, and the bad feelings will build and build, or you can let it go, dwell on the positive, make the best of things and be happy. No marriage is perfect, and neither is life. It's our attitude that can make all the difference. Good luck, I wish you well, and I hope you think long and hard before you decide to end your marriage. Mystic
HoustonScrewed Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 As most of the time I am only reading the first few posts. A good marriage is built upon the relationship that matters, attitude, not money, or looks. Both money and looks change over the long run and attitude and drive do not change. If you are looking to hold on make sure that the attitude is what you look at first, if it is not there run away, as it will never work for the long run!
Zero Degrees Posted January 23, 2008 Posted January 23, 2008 It's going to be different for different couples, after all we're not the same. Some things are vital though: Respect, turst, great communication skills, care, you know the usual stuff.
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