Veronykah Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 So the last time I was in this state was due to my x-bf, the strange thing was as soon as I initated no contact, no joke, within a week I was on a date with the most fantastic man and completely lost ANY interest in the x. Now for the problem. So I started dating this guy, he was fabulous. As in, everything I have been looking for. He was sweet, caring, treated me like gold, spoiled me silly. For the first time, I REALLY liked someone. Fast forward to last week. We were supposed to meet up, he was working. He called me after I had driven all the way to see him to tell me he didn't think it would happen that day. I got quite angry since I texted him a few questions and got no response. The next day, he apologized, we made up etc. I sent him a few texts that night about wanting to see him. Got nothing back. The NEXT day I get, "I don't want to continue being a jerk I think we should stop for a bit, call you later" He never called me. I left him a message the next day and get this back,"This is a time in life where I'm trying to focus its not really about you." Then later tells me "You are very sweet. I am just unable to be involved. I am sorry." Of course like an ass, I keep asking him to please SPEAK to me on the phone. Texting isn't doing it. Then I get "Honey I adore you and think you are beautiful. We will talk tomorrow." I never heard from him again. I have been leaving a message and sending texts each day, begging for him to talk to me. He won't even respond. I don't understand how he can beg me to come see him then 1 day later I get all this. I know the only answer is no contact. I am SO miserable. I don't know what to do with myself. I don't really have any good friends here and I am a freelancer OF COURSE not working at the moment. So I have all day and night to obsess about it. He was the most fantastic person I've met since I've been here. I can't eat at all or sleep. What do I do?
s_n_d Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 He sounds a bit sketchy to me.. Maybe he is seeing someone else too. Ive had a similar experience a long time ago.
sedgwick Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 I have read SO many stories of men behaving this way since I got on LS! My ex did the same -- loved me one day, dumped me the next. I wish I knew why guys do this. I'm sorry I don't have any answers. I don't think I'll ever trust another man again. I certainly can't imagine doing so now.
watchconcierge Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 So the last time I was in this state was due to my x-bf, the strange thing was as soon as I initated no contact, no joke, within a week I was on a date with the most fantastic man and completely lost ANY interest in the x. Now for the problem. So I started dating this guy, he was fabulous. As in, everything I have been looking for. He was sweet, caring, treated me like gold, spoiled me silly. For the first time, I REALLY liked someone. Fast forward to last week. We were supposed to meet up, he was working. He called me after I had driven all the way to see him to tell me he didn't think it would happen that day. I got quite angry since I texted him a few questions and got no response. The next day, he apologized, we made up etc. I sent him a few texts that night about wanting to see him. Got nothing back. The NEXT day I get, "I don't want to continue being a jerk I think we should stop for a bit, call you later" He never called me. I left him a message the next day and get this back,"This is a time in life where I'm trying to focus its not really about you." Then later tells me "You are very sweet. I am just unable to be involved. I am sorry." Of course like an ass, I keep asking him to please SPEAK to me on the phone. Texting isn't doing it. Then I get "Honey I adore you and think you are beautiful. We will talk tomorrow." I never heard from him again. I have been leaving a message and sending texts each day, begging for him to talk to me. He won't even respond. I don't understand how he can beg me to come see him then 1 day later I get all this. I know the only answer is no contact. I am SO miserable. I don't know what to do with myself. I don't really have any good friends here and I am a freelancer OF COURSE not working at the moment. So I have all day and night to obsess about it. He was the most fantastic person I've met since I've been here. I can't eat at all or sleep. What do I do? I just did one of those... from the guy's perspective... I met this fantastic girl. Beautiful, nice, etc. Then I felt she was needy and I don't think I was ready. Basically the same ending as yours. But this girl got kind of crazy with the begging and everything. She was so HOT. But now I can't stand the thought of her. Maybe you didn't play it cool enough. People have to get sucked in with games imho. If you give yourself up emotionally too quickly, it is most likely a recipe for disaster. Hope this helps. Take care.
brothermartin Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Maybe he was married. Or, like the last post said, maybe you just came off as too clingy and scared him. As for why he kept saying he would call and didn't, who knows? Maybe he's a jerk that likes to play games like that, or maybe he just didn't know how to tell you he didn't want to see you anymore or didn't have the knobs to say it to your face. It sounds like you were moving too fast anyway.
jessbaby24 Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Girl i have been there before and u got to quit calling and texting him. Leave him alone for a while. You looking desperate and needy and that tends to run men off. The guy i was seeing started to ignore me and it drove me crazy so i started texting and calling like crazy.That pushed him farther away.So i decided to leave it alone and let things cool down i didnt call no text no nothing.Well about a week later i got a call from him saying he missed me sooo much:love:.So my advice is to leave him alone for a while and let him contact you and if he's not into you he probably wont contact you.Im guessing maybe he does like you he just have found some other girl.Im sorry that this has happened to u but he's tryin to let u down easy.
Author Veronykah Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 Is the word at all. He tried to get me to come over last wednesday the day before all the drama and I refused. That doesnt seem to clingy...and as far as texting. He told me he liked being harassed, so I obliged him. In all my other relationships, I've been accused of being standoffish and not into it ENOUGH. I tried to give him what he was giving me this time in the hopes of not repeating what I've done before. Now since all of this I've ASKED him repeatedly to just tell me to F' off. It would be that easy. Why won't he even oblidge me that? It could be that easy for this all to be over. Does he LIKE that I keep calling and texting him? I don't get it at all. I know I have to stop, but I have this feeling that he will eventually respond.
watchconcierge Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Is the word at all. He tried to get me to come over last wednesday the day before all the drama and I refused. That doesnt seem to clingy...and as far as texting. He told me he liked being harassed, so I obliged him. In all my other relationships, I've been accused of being standoffish and not into it ENOUGH. I tried to give him what he was giving me this time in the hopes of not repeating what I've done before. Now since all of this I've ASKED him repeatedly to just tell me to F' off. It would be that easy. Why won't he even oblidge me that? It could be that easy for this all to be over. Does he LIKE that I keep calling and texting him? I don't get it at all. I know I have to stop, but I have this feeling that he will eventually respond. I wouldn't say that he likes receiving a bunch of calls and texts if he's not responding. This girl that I'm talking about... She wanted me to move in with her... Within like 2 weeks. And I wanted to like her. I was so attracted to her physically. And I gave her multiple chances, but she was just too needy and clingy and it drove me away. I remember telling her that I would call her back. I wanted to... but I just couldn't force myself anymore. It just got too messed up on a subconscious level because I felt like she needed me so bad. If she had played cool... She could have probably kept me extremely interested... But it didn't work out that way... and there's no going back... So it's time for everybody to move on. There are plenty of other fish in the sea.
Lishy Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 I think you need to just stop ringing this dude! Why are you acting crazy over a guy who wont even pick up your calls or reply to your texts? Girl get a grip and STOP! He may have seemed nice at the beginning (I hear this ALL the time) but he didnt end up nice so just stop! Good luck
Author Veronykah Posted January 4, 2008 Author Posted January 4, 2008 I am going to stop with EVERYTHING. I honestly hope he will miss me terribly and realize it. But c'est la vie right? Any advice on how I can keep myself from feeling so horrible in the meantime? I feel wretched.
Lee725 Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 I was on a date with the most fantastic man and completely lost ANY interest in the x. So I started dating this guy, he was fabulous. As in, everything I have been looking for. He was sweet, caring, treated me like gold, spoiled me silly. For the first time, I REALLY liked someone. He called me after I had driven all the way to see him to tell me he didn't think it would happen that day. I got quite angry since I texted him a few questions and got no response. The next day, he apologized, we made up etc. I sent him a few texts that night about wanting to see him. Got nothing back. The NEXT day I get, "I don't want to continue being a jerk I think we should stop for a bit, call you later" He never called me. I left him a message the next day and get this back,"This is a time in life where I'm trying to focus its not really about you." Then later tells me "You are very sweet. I am just unable to be involved. I am sorry." "Honey I adore you and think you are beautiful. We will talk tomorrow." I never heard from him again. I have been leaving a message and sending texts each day, begging for him to talk to me. He won't even respond. I don't understand how he can beg me to come see him then 1 day later I get all this. I know the only answer is no contact. I am SO miserable. He was the most fantastic person I've met since I've been here. I can't eat at all or sleep. What do I do? HI, i am going through something very similar at the moment. The difference is i know that i was a rebound and i was ready for something he was not. I have two questions (if you dont mind), How long were you with him & how long had it been since he had been with someone else? I know these may seem like dumb questions but they may be pretty relevant... Short Back ground about similarities between us: he was in relationship for 10yrs with 2 1/2 yr old son. (i found out after we started dating that they had been split a lot shorter than i initially thought.) He treated me fantastically, everything that i wanted. emotionally available, caring, considerate, the most amazing father, great family. he would even drive and hour at 2am in the morning (he is a shift worker) just so he could come and sleep beside me and leave at 7am the next morning. The difference with me is, i knew there was a chance that i was a re-bound and made my intentions of what i needed and wanted very clear. I gave him the option of going if he was not ready for me, i told him i did not want to get hurt. He convinced me he was ready, even after having this discussion with him on atleast 2 occasions. He was implying that he wanted to move down the coast (where i live), he was telling his ex to get use to me being around, that i was the best girl he had ever known, he wanted to be around long term, blah, blah, blh. I was smitten with this guy after 2 weeks. (crap - this is getting really long & about me, i am sorry, but i just want to explain that i know what you are feeling). He stopped taking calls and replying to txt messages about a 3 weeks before christmas, some days he would just "disappear", & give lame excuses then on the flip side i would get random calls asking me to come and be with him, everything seemed to be on his terms. Eventually he asked for a weeks break, against my better judgement i gave it to him, and less than 12 hours later he arrived at my friends house at 11pm to come and see me with his son asleep in the back seat. The very next night he did a midnight run to see me & satyed the night. A weeks break, and now he sees me straight away??? cant say i was upset about that.... anyways to get down to it, everything that you have described in your thread has happened here with me. Finally on DEC 27th he said in txt message he was not ready for me. I was cut, especially cause he did it in a txt message, same stuff as you have heard, "you are great - but i am just not ready", blah, blah. I stopped all calls and messages after the 27th, after one final txt to tell him i give up and thought he was a jerk for stringing me along, even after i had expressed my concerns and dumping me in a txt message. Nothing more, no happy new year messages, nothing. On the 2nd of January, i got a TXT saying he was getting help cause he needed to sort his head out, he wanted me to know. I kept my reply short & sweet, he kept txting, asking random things, and i kept replying but only based on the questions he asked. As much as it kills you hun, you have to stop. As other posters have noted already, if you keep chasing him you may just chase him away. I did say some things in the messages on the 2nd which i should have kept to myself such as how much i still care about him, i have no doubt that i will not hear from him again for a while because i said those things. You have to give him a chance to miss you. Try writing a diary, it has helped me alot and also has helped me greatly in the past (even tho i know it is not for everyone). Much the same as me, you will have to repsect the fact that if he is not ready for you, he just isnt and no matter what you say or how you say it, nothing is going to change there, atleast not for a while. I would love my fellow to say that he is ready to be with me and to love me, much the same as you, but if they arnt they arnt. I know your pain - unrequited love or affection can be a terrible emotion to carry. I hope you find strength to stop calling and txting. it wont help. again i am sorry that this is so long and a lot about me. (i am not normally known for short posts ) thank you if you have read down this far.
Lishy Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Yes I have an idea and if you try enough it does work When you think about him JUST think about how he screwed you over and let you travel so far to see him just to cancel on you Think of anything negative about him and if you start to think nice things push them out of your head. Keep busy and get as many friends as you can to rally around you Eat lots of chocolate and dont listen to sad music/films You can do it - You are fabulous and the next guy will be sooooooooo much better!
watchconcierge Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Yes I have an idea and if you try enough it does work When you think about him JUST think about how he screwed you over and let you travel so far to see him just to cancel on you Think of anything negative about him and if you start to think nice things push them out of your head. Keep busy and get as many friends as you can to rally around you Eat lots of chocolate and dont listen to sad music/films You can do it - You are fabulous and the next guy will be sooooooooo much better! The chocolate could be bad advice. You don't want to become "portly" in your quest for a new man!
Lishy Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 The chocolate could be bad advice. You don't want to become "portly" in your quest for a new man! Ok change that to Hargan darz pralines and cream ice cream! Works for me every time! Yumarum!
watchconcierge Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Ok change that to Hargan darz pralines and cream ice cream! Works for me every time! Yumarum! Lishy must work out!
Lishy Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Lishy must work out! Well I do take a very brisk power walk to the freezer to get the Hargan Darz!:lmao:
marlena Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Well I do take a very brisk power walk to the freezer to get the Hargan Darz!:lmao: That's how I keep in shape too!!! Haha!! Love it!!! Sometimes I wsh it down with a beer too!
Lishy Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 At times I even lift the tub a few times to improve my pecs! hahahhaha
Author Veronykah Posted January 6, 2008 Author Posted January 6, 2008 Shortly after I left to take the dog out for a walk, all the while thinking of all the things I could about him that I didn't like too much I get this... "Baby give me a bit of time I'm going through something in life that isn't fun. Just financial but its making me very bad company at the moment. You have done nothing wrong I just need time" I don't think the financial part is BS cause he was talking about it on Christmas too and wanted to see me a few days later... I replied that that's all I wanted was a reponse and that he should call me when he's ready. Now what? Is this all bull****? I don't understand...I gave him every opportunity to tell me to F off. Why wouldn't he do it if that's what he is really trying to do?
Author Veronykah Posted January 9, 2008 Author Posted January 9, 2008 Still nothing from him. So sad.
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