chumly2110 Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Do you think it is unreasonable to tell your partner that you will not relocate?
Nevermind Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 That question is far too general to be answered. If you have reasons, it is not unreasonable. But saying this equals demanding of your partner to relocate. Or to leave. Did you say that to your girlfriend? It might well be the reason why she packed all her stuff. And yes, it is a very bad sign.
TMichaels Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Hmmm.... You didn't say this subject was discussed with your g/f when you made your first post about her packing all her things. I agree with Nevermind. If this is what you told her during her last visit, then you shouldn't be surprised if she cleared out her belongings. Which begs the question... How well do the two of you communicate? The amount of time you spend talking isn't as important as how well the two of you listen and understand each other. Sounds to me like your problems may be grounded there. Best, TMichaels
Author chumly2110 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 No, this has nothing to do with me saying anything to my gf during my last visit. If it impacted that, I would have included it in that thread. Let me try to slim down the question since it seems to be too general. What are some reasons you would think are reasonable for saying you will not relocate? Do you feel if you really love someone you should do anything for them? Personally, I find that very unrealistic. I feel that you can only follow your heart so far. You can't just let your head go.
TMichaels Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Relationships are all about compromise. Doesn't sound like you find that too appealing. Best, TMichaels
Nevermind Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Still, the question is too general. So I'll try to give a general answer. As Michael said, relationships are all about compromise. When you are in a LDR, there is one big issue that you need to find a consensus or compromise about: how you are going to turn it into a non-distance relationship. Either one partner moves to another, or both are moving to a 3rd place. If neither can do that, the relationship is doomed. You might be pen pals forever, maybe pen pals with benefits, but you're not a couple. Who has to move is very difficult to decide and it it a decision that must be made by the two together. And here is the problem: by saying that you're not ever going to relocate, you made that decision. You made it alone and you made it without consideration for your partner. Had you had this consideration you wouldn't have declared it, but would've tried to find a way that suits both. Your partner now is supposed to do what you don't want to do. That's not a balanced relationship. Also, if you blatantly say it, I as your partner would wonder how much you would really try to make the relationship work at your area and how often you will ask me to compromise (note the change in meaning) everything. In short: saying that you're not going to relocate means to take a step back and to say that your life is more important than your partner's. And that you expect him/her to change his/her life for you without a quid pro quo and without consideration. I am not able to say wether it is unreasonable. That is for you and your partner to decide, in an open conversation. About what you want. About who has to move. Keep in mind that everybody will have good reasons to stay where they are. The problem is to find a solution together and for both of you.
Meaplus3 Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 No, this has nothing to do with me saying anything to my gf during my last visit. If it impacted that, I would have included it in that thread. Let me try to slim down the question since it seems to be too general. What are some reasons you would think are reasonable for saying you will not relocate? Do you feel if you really love someone you should do anything for them? Personally, I find that very unrealistic. I feel that you can only follow your heart so far. You can't just let your head go. IMOP is you really love someone then you will do what it takes to be with them. How far apart in distance are the two of you? Is she willing to relocate? Need for info? AP:)
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