Author DJ Dancer Posted January 4, 2008 Author Posted January 4, 2008 Guys I'm starting to feel guilty again! Like I have done wrong and that I was wrong for not telling him that he wasn't being my boyfriend when we broke up! I'm wondering why AGAIN why he won't even speak to me!? That's all I want to know is why won't he even speak.... HELP HELP!!!!
watchconcierge Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Guys I'm starting to feel guilty again! Like I have done wrong and that I was wrong for not telling him that he wasn't being my boyfriend when we broke up! I'm wondering why AGAIN why he won't even speak to me!? That's all I want to know is why won't he even speak.... HELP HELP!!!! It doesn't matter WHY he won't speak to you. I know it eats at you, but it really doesn't matter. What matters is that he is choosing not to speak with you AND you can't control it. There's nothing productive you can do right now to make him choose to speak with you. You need to keep your mind on other things.
watchconcierge Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 So I just went onto myspace... and I hadn't heard from a friend for awhile, so I went to this friend's myspace page... and... my ex had posted a comment and I had to see her latest partying picture. It made my heart drop. I didn't look at it fully. Almost in my peripheral vision... but it still caused pain... I feel better venting about it here. I guess I might just stay away from myspace completely for awhile... It'll be there when I'm ready to go back.
Lee725 Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 Hi Dj Dancer, Stop with the guilt stuff, after 9 months of NC from him, havnt you put yourself through enough?? i thought that i was bad for beating myself up... As hard as it is... have you been out to see other people, are you going anywhere or doing anything to meet other people? I am just curious because you need to realize, there are other people out there.
Author DJ Dancer Posted January 5, 2008 Author Posted January 5, 2008 Hi Dj Dancer, Stop with the guilt stuff, after 9 months of NC from him, havnt you put yourself through enough?? i thought that i was bad for beating myself up... As hard as it is... have you been out to see other people, are you going anywhere or doing anything to meet other people? I am just curious because you need to realize, there are other people out there. I know I need to stop it! It is getting out of control! Yeah I have been going out and hanging with my friends, but not meeting any new people..nobody approaches me (men) I'm not looking mad or anything I'm usually laughing and joking around with my friends but on the inside I'm still feeling like crap
Author DJ Dancer Posted January 5, 2008 Author Posted January 5, 2008 It doesn't matter WHY he won't speak to you. I know it eats at you, but it really doesn't matter. What matters is that he is choosing not to speak with you AND you can't control it. There's nothing productive you can do right now to make him choose to speak with you. You need to keep your mind on other things. Your right! I know it doesn't matter that he isn't speaking to me, I guess I'm just not use to people that I know to all of a sudden stop speaking to me..Im friends with all my exes and I guess I just wanted him to be a friend too, I guess maybe he is just one of the exes that doesn't want that when he said he did...
s_n_d Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 I know I need to stop it! It is getting out of control! Yeah I have been going out and hanging with my friends, but not meeting any new people..nobody approaches me (men) I'm not looking mad or anything I'm usually laughing and joking around with my friends but on the inside I'm still feeling like crap Thats exactly how i am too. Feeling like **** on the inside. Not letting anyone see me in so much pain.
Author DJ Dancer Posted January 5, 2008 Author Posted January 5, 2008 Yeah and it sucks...I just wanna be back to the normal me without feeling like crap on the inside!
DayHell Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 I went through the same sort of thing DJ. I was with my GF for 3 years though! we were living together for a year and she started to not really act like my GF anymore. I said we should break up cause i felt like i was being taken for granted and i expected it to kind of make her wake up and see how good we had it. But, she just said ok and that she wants to be best friends still and catch up all the time etc. So for the next few weeks we stayed in contact, i definetly still had feelings for her, but then she started going out and hooking up with other guys which was way to tough for me to deal with so i stopped making contact. Then i found out now that she's dating some guy 10 years older than her, just 2 months after we broke up!! i understand how you feel, questioning how a relationship can be so good and then your bf/gf doesn't seem to miss it at all when it's over!! Although it's tough, I guess we just have to move on. I realised one day that i had done NOTHING wrong, so why should i feel like ****? I decided the only thing I coul control about the situation was how i dealt with it. So although i'm still madly in love with her I just don't have anything to do with her. I took down anything that reminded me of her, deleted all her msgs, and made an effort to not go to her myspace page. I started going out with friends more, trying to laugh and have fun, and I do alot of things that i could never do when i was with her - play drums alot more, go out with friends, play more poker etc. At the end of the day, she's not coming back to me. Does it completely shatter me that after 3 years she moved on so quickly as if our 3 year relationship meant nothing?? Of course. But it's sink or swim. I know inside that i was a really good guy for her, and i know that she's the one that'll miss out. The best revenge/therapy is to be happy again. Spend time on YOU, improve yourself, learn, find some new hobbies, and think of the look on your ex's face when in a year or two down the track he sees what he missed out on!!
Author DJ Dancer Posted January 5, 2008 Author Posted January 5, 2008 I went through the same sort of thing DJ. I was with my GF for 3 years though! we were living together for a year and she started to not really act like my GF anymore. I said we should break up cause i felt like i was being taken for granted and i expected it to kind of make her wake up and see how good we had it. But, she just said ok and that she wants to be best friends still and catch up all the time etc. So for the next few weeks we stayed in contact, i definetly still had feelings for her, but then she started going out and hooking up with other guys which was way to tough for me to deal with so i stopped making contact. Then i found out now that she's dating some guy 10 years older than her, just 2 months after we broke up!! i understand how you feel, questioning how a relationship can be so good and then your bf/gf doesn't seem to miss it at all when it's over!! Although it's tough, I guess we just have to move on. I realised one day that i had done NOTHING wrong, so why should i feel like ****? I decided the only thing I coul control about the situation was how i dealt with it. So although i'm still madly in love with her I just don't have anything to do with her. I took down anything that reminded me of her, deleted all her msgs, and made an effort to not go to her myspace page. I started going out with friends more, trying to laugh and have fun, and I do alot of things that i could never do when i was with her - play drums alot more, go out with friends, play more poker etc. At the end of the day, she's not coming back to me. Does it completely shatter me that after 3 years she moved on so quickly as if our 3 year relationship meant nothing?? Of course. But it's sink or swim. I know inside that i was a really good guy for her, and i know that she's the one that'll miss out. The best revenge/therapy is to be happy again. Spend time on YOU, improve yourself, learn, find some new hobbies, and think of the look on your ex's face when in a year or two down the track he sees what he missed out on!! Thanks..I apprecaiate it and I'm happy to hear your doing ok about your situation...
Author DJ Dancer Posted January 5, 2008 Author Posted January 5, 2008 Last night I was taking a shower and I started thinking about my ex and the situation and I so think he is hurt and upset with me that I broke up with him..I mean why else wouldn't he talk to me if he wasn't mad at me?? I feel like I should have known this was gonna happen and that I should feel like the bad guy...Everyone that I told this story too including on here are telling I didn't do anything wrong, and he doesn't have a reason to be mad at you, for anything I should be the one mad...I am mad, hurt, and confused yet my mind is telling me that I should have known this was gonna happen the red flags were there he was telling me he is a different person at home, but telling me things wouldn't change, telling me to not hate him if the relationship didn't work out and that he still wanted to be friends... I feel like I should have paid attention to what he was saying and surely ended it sooner, but I feel gulity for not telling him what I truely felt and how he hurt me I wanted to telling him that he wasn't doing his job, but I was SCARED, scared he would be mad........
Author DJ Dancer Posted January 5, 2008 Author Posted January 5, 2008 Should I write him a message?? Telling him how I feel??? because he shouldn't be getting away with the pain and hurt he has caused me....
s_n_d Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 I dont think you need to send him a message at this point. Hes not even talking to you at this point right? I think that whenever he starts talking to you, then you have to explain it then before anything else.
Author DJ Dancer Posted January 5, 2008 Author Posted January 5, 2008 I dont think you need to send him a message at this point. Hes not even talking to you at this point right? I think that whenever he starts talking to you, then you have to explain it then before anything else. I don't think he will ever speak to me again! I think he is mad and hurt at me for breaking up with him... I let him get away for treating me like crap and not standing up for my feelings and he got away freely...
s_n_d Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 I don't think he will ever speak to me again! I think he is mad and hurt at me for breaking up with him... I let him get away for treating me like crap and not standing up for my feelings and he got away freely... Yeah I know.. As anyone would be..Mad at the person who broke up with them..But at some point Im SURE he missed you and wanted to talk to you..
Author DJ Dancer Posted January 5, 2008 Author Posted January 5, 2008 Yeah I know.. As anyone would be..Mad at the person who broke up with them..But at some point Im SURE he missed you and wanted to talk to you.. Yeah but still at the sametime though how could he be mad when he wasn't even meeting me half way in the relationship??? And if he missed or even wanted to talk to me he could have...
s_n_d Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 Yeah but still at the sametime though how could he be mad when he wasn't even meeting me half way in the relationship??? And if he missed or even wanted to talk to me he could have... Maybe he wasnt aware of how you felt..about how he didnt meet you half way in the relationship....i know i didnt know half the stuff that bothered him until we broke up..he failed to mention that it bothered him when we were together..and then when we broke up it was too late to fix it..
Author DJ Dancer Posted January 5, 2008 Author Posted January 5, 2008 Maybe he wasnt aware of how you felt..about how he didnt meet you half way in the relationship....i know i didnt know half the stuff that bothered him until we broke up..he failed to mention that it bothered him when we were together..and then when we broke up it was too late to fix it.. he knew that he wasn't acting like my boyfriend..I mentioned it to him before we broke up when I asked him did he want to be with me because he wasn't acting like my boyfriend(going 2-4 days without a word from him, he seeing me online but not speaking) I was the one making the first move on contact once he left...and that was when he said he wasnt sure of being with me...
s_n_d Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 he knew that he wasn't acting like my boyfriend..I mentioned it to him before we broke up when I asked him did he want to be with me because he wasn't acting like my boyfriend(going 2-4 days without a word from him, he seeing me online but not speaking) I was the one making the first move on contact once he left...and that was when he said he wasnt sure of being with me... oh Okay. Well theres nothing or virtually nothing you can do when someone doesnt want to be with you. You could try rekindling the fire but you two dont even talk so thats not possibility. Just wait a while and then talk to him. Dont OVER do it. Like DONT text him all the time. Ok ill tell you something my bestfriend told me. She said, Dont expect anything in return from him(text messages, emails etc.) because if you dont expect something back, you will be less hurt when he doesnt reply.
SYRACUSE03 Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 oh Okay. Well theres nothing or virtually nothing you can do when someone doesnt want to be with you. You could try rekindling the fire but you two dont even talk so thats not possibility. Just wait a while and then talk to him. Dont OVER do it. Like DONT text him all the time. Ok ill tell you something my bestfriend told me. She said, Dont expect anything in return from him(text messages, emails etc.) because if you dont expect something back, you will be less hurt when he doesnt reply. Agreed 100%. I can relate first hand.
Author DJ Dancer Posted January 5, 2008 Author Posted January 5, 2008 oh Okay. Well theres nothing or virtually nothing you can do when someone doesnt want to be with you. You could try rekindling the fire but you two dont even talk so thats not possibility. Just wait a while and then talk to him. Dont OVER do it. Like DONT text him all the time. Ok ill tell you something my bestfriend told me. She said, Dont expect anything in return from him(text messages, emails etc.) because if you dont expect something back, you will be less hurt when he doesnt reply. I know there isn't anything I can do...even though I wish there was...I just want to know if I did something wrong and for him to not even speak anymore...When I was contacting him I only said something once a month to him or maybe twice and that's it! I never over done anything by calling writing on texting...I'm scared to even try and talk to him again because I keep getting rejected!
SYRACUSE03 Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 DJ...you are not alone. We all search for the answers you seek. My ex will not even talk to me and the break up was peaceful. I played the game of "no pressure" and it worked for awhile but now she hasn't talked to me in 2 months. I didn't do a damn thing. My point is for you to stop beating yourself up, we've all done it. As for the rejection, it sucks. I feel the exact same way. Good luck.
s_n_d Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 I know there isn't anything I can do...even though I wish there was...I just want to know if I did something wrong and for him to not even speak anymore...When I was contacting him I only said something once a month to him or maybe twice and that's it! I never over done anything by calling writing on texting...I'm scared to even try and talk to him again because I keep getting rejected! Dont dwell on that stuff, DJ. You didnt do anything wrong.But the fact that you did breakup with him could have been reason enough for him not to try to stay friends with you. Whats happened is done and over with. If you two make contact sometime soon you need to explain yourself then. If you feel you need to explain yourself.
Author DJ Dancer Posted January 5, 2008 Author Posted January 5, 2008 Dont dwell on that stuff, DJ. You didnt do anything wrong.But the fact that you did breakup with him could have been reason enough for him not to try to stay friends with you. Whats happened is done and over with. If you two make contact sometime soon you need to explain yourself then. If you feel you need to explain yourself. Your right if i feel the need to express myself, but why in the world would he say what can be friends and to keep in touch and that he would too if he didn't want to be friends???? He says he is an honest person well why couldn't he be HONEST and say I don't think we can be friends or I don't think we should talk anymore? Yeah I would have been hurt and upset but at least I would have known instead of looking like a fool writing and calling thinking we were friends??
s_n_d Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 Your right if i feel the need to express myself, but why in the world would he say what can be friends and to keep in touch and that he would too if he didn't want to be friends???? He says he is an honest person well why couldn't he be HONEST and say I don't think we can be friends or I don't think we should talk anymore? Yeah I would have been hurt and upset but at least I would have known instead of looking like a fool writing and calling thinking we were friends?? I wish I had those answers for you, DJ. *huggie* Those answers can only be answered by him. But sometimes men just say that to soften the blow of a breakup...
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