DJ Dancer Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 I have threads throughout this board but today I'm back to square one! i told myself not to bring this in 2008 and I did! I went to his myspace page and seen he added two videos of him singing and he added new pictures of him too! That threw my ALL the way back to square one..I don't get how he can be so happy like our relationship never mattered..yeah we only dated for a month but I fell head over hills for this guy and I thought he felt the sameway I did... But I guess he didn't once he moved back home things completely changed between us when he said things wouldn't..So I broke up with him because he wasnt even BEING my boyfriend! It was like I was in the relationship by myself..I miss him alot and I know I didn't hurt his feelings by breaking up with him because he was so cool about the break up! Telling me to keep in touch and that what can be friends! I NEED SOME ADVICE..WORDS OF WISDOM ANYTHING JUST TO COPE WITH THIS.... and its not the TYPICAL dumpers senario if you go read my threads you will HOPEFULLY see...
s_n_d Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 I know how you feel. I told myself i would leave everything in 2007 back and have a fresh start but its like im even worse now. I think bout him ALL the time. I MISS him all the time...
Author DJ Dancer Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 AND it sucks too! To see him moving on with his life like I was never apart of it even if it was for a short time...
s_n_d Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 so hes completely ignoring you?? mine talks ocassionally. not all the time...
Author DJ Dancer Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 so hes completely ignoring you?? mine talks ocassionally. not all the time... Yeah he is and I don't understand why? He told me to keep in touch with him, and that he would keep in touch and for us to be friends..I don't get why he wont even have enough decentcy to speak back..I wish I knew why..I didnt do anything to hurt him..
s_n_d Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Yeah he is and I don't understand why? He told me to keep in touch with him, and that he would keep in touch and for us to be friends..I don't get why he wont even have enough decentcy to speak back..I wish I knew why..I didnt do anything to hurt him.. HA i know. My exs exact words were, " Id love for us to stay friends because I love us as friends". And now we hardly talk. I texted him today asking if he wanted to go grab a coffee since I was back at university today ALL DAY and it was -25 outside..FREEZING!! I thought he MIGHT have been off work today so I just gave it a shot and texted him... He texted back saying he couldnt because hes working and He apologized for it. Atleast he was nice enough to apologize atleast. But We might be going to get a coffee at some point next week. Whenever he has his day off. Im not keeping my hopes up or anything. I just want to spend some time with him like we did before we were even together.
Author DJ Dancer Posted January 4, 2008 Author Posted January 4, 2008 At least ya'll are SPEAKING I would appreciate even a response of him saying I don't want to talk to you anymore but I don't even get that...I just get ignored! I don't understand why..I want to write and ask what's up but I know I will get another SLAP in the face! And I dont think I could bare to have that happen again...
Jmina Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Well, you can't really set unrealistic goals can you. Just because it is now 2008 doesnt mean you suddenly have the strength you are searching for. So you messed up. We all do it. over and over. just start over again. do anything but look at his page or contact him. cry, hit pillows, scream (i wish had the chance to scream. alas always had people near enough to hear me) do ANYTHING rip something up roll around on the floor in a tantrum like a 2 year old, sob, just don't look at his page. Soon enough in an hour or so the urge will fade and you know that you have beat it. then you can beat it again and again and this is what is called getting stronger. You must start from the bottom and build yourself up. and there is always the first time to take the first step that is torture, and a few more steps are slippery that make you slide back down again, but then that gives get some wisdom and you find ways to work through things and get back up again. after a few months of this you find that you have inner strength in your belt, along with some added wisdom and new insight. You will then realise that this all had to happen so you could gain these things that can only be gained through pain! you will come through this. also, it doesnt matter how long you were together. if you put your heart into it, if you had plans and dreams and they have been shattered then it hurts just the same. allow your self the time it takes to get over it, and take this as an opportunity to find solutions for your life and yourself. It should all be about you now. what you love to do, what makes you happy, what you love to learn, talk about, write about, waht you love to explore and so on. Do these things and be kind to yourself. Keep posting!! Jmina
s_n_d Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 (edited) At least ya'll are SPEAKING I would appreciate even a response of him saying I don't want to talk to you anymore but I don't even get that...I just get ignored! I don't understand why..I want to write and ask what's up but I know I will get another SLAP in the face! And I dont think I could bare to have that happen again... When was the last time you two talked? Dont worry. Hang in there.. With my ex, it was always us talking for a bit and then not talking for a long time and back and forth.. Just recently we started talking again..still distant talk but atleast its existant. Edited January 4, 2008 by s_n_d
Author DJ Dancer Posted January 4, 2008 Author Posted January 4, 2008 When was the last time you two talked? Dont worry. Hang in there.. With my ex, it was always us talking for a bit and then not talking for a long time and back and forth.. Just recently we started talking again..still distant talk but atleast its existant. The last time we talked was in april of 2007 the day we broke up...between that time and now I have wrote him, called him and even told him happy birthday thinking we were friends and didn't get a thank you or I'm doing fine..
Author DJ Dancer Posted January 4, 2008 Author Posted January 4, 2008 Well, you can't really set unrealistic goals can you. Just because it is now 2008 doesnt mean you suddenly have the strength you are searching for. So you messed up. We all do it. over and over. just start over again. do anything but look at his page or contact him. cry, hit pillows, scream (i wish had the chance to scream. alas always had people near enough to hear me) do ANYTHING rip something up roll around on the floor in a tantrum like a 2 year old, sob, just don't look at his page. Soon enough in an hour or so the urge will fade and you know that you have beat it. then you can beat it again and again and this is what is called getting stronger. You must start from the bottom and build yourself up. and there is always the first time to take the first step that is torture, and a few more steps are slippery that make you slide back down again, but then that gives get some wisdom and you find ways to work through things and get back up again. after a few months of this you find that you have inner strength in your belt, along with some added wisdom and new insight. You will then realise that this all had to happen so you could gain these things that can only be gained through pain! you will come through this. also, it doesnt matter how long you were together. if you put your heart into it, if you had plans and dreams and they have been shattered then it hurts just the same. allow your self the time it takes to get over it, and take this as an opportunity to find solutions for your life and yourself. It should all be about you now. what you love to do, what makes you happy, what you love to learn, talk about, write about, waht you love to explore and so on. Do these things and be kind to yourself. Keep posting!! Jmina Thank you Jmina I appreciate it...I know I have to have complete strength to not look at his page anymore! And I have to try so hard and I mean REALLY HARD!! Its just causing me more and more pain and I'm bring torture upon myself by doing that..
s_n_d Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 The last time we talked was in april of 2007 the day we broke up...between that time and now I have wrote him, called him and even told him happy birthday thinking we were friends and didn't get a thank you or I'm doing fine.. Wow. Hes a jerk. Have you seen him since the breakup?
Author DJ Dancer Posted January 4, 2008 Author Posted January 4, 2008 Wow. Hes a jerk. Have you seen him since the breakup? No because he lives in another state...The only way I seen him was through myspace and NEW pictures a two videos of him singing because he is trying to become a singer...
D-Lish Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 The last time we talked was in april of 2007 the day we broke up...between that time and now I have wrote him, called him and even told him happy birthday thinking we were friends and didn't get a thank you or I'm doing fine.. I know it's tough to swallow- but if someone ignores your contact for 9 months- he isn't going to change his mind and come back.... and continuing to try and reach him will only make you feel worse. I have broken up with many people and vowed to be friends.... but this rarely happens. I have remained friends with one ex in my life- and he is the type of guy who is friends with all of his ex's. That's it. Often, during a break up it's a guys way of softening the blow- by suggesting friendship. But it is usually said without much weight behind it. It's extremely difficult to be friends with someone when one of the parties still pines for the other. Imagine DJ, if you guys were to be friends.... could you handle seeing him moving on with other women? It just wouldn't be a good thing for you. SND, I think that your bf has left the door open a tiny crack for you. You have to proceed cautiously at this point. All of your exchanges and meetings need to be upbeat and low pressure. Any more fights at this point will close that door. Don't go overboard contacting him- and never act upset if he can't make a date. Just remain upbeat and happy. You have to let him see the loving, calm, happy side of you. He needs to see you changing, and then he needs to believe you have changed before he will consider a reconciliation. Good luck.
s_n_d Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 I know it's tough to swallow- but if someone ignores your contact for 9 months- he isn't going to change his mind and come back.... and continuing to try and reach him will only make you feel worse. I have broken up with many people and vowed to be friends.... but this rarely happens. I have remained friends with one ex in my life- and he is the type of guy who is friends with all of his ex's. That's it. Often, during a break up it's a guys way of softening the blow- by suggesting friendship. But it is usually said without much weight behind it. It's extremely difficult to be friends with someone when one of the parties still pines for the other. Imagine DJ, if you guys were to be friends.... could you handle seeing him moving on with other women? It just wouldn't be a good thing for you. SND, I think that your bf has left the door open a tiny crack for you. You have to proceed cautiously at this point. All of your exchanges and meetings need to be upbeat and low pressure. Any more fights at this point will close that door. Don't go overboard contacting him- and never act upset if he can't make a date. Just remain upbeat and happy. You have to let him see the loving, calm, happy side of you. He needs to see you changing, and then he needs to believe you have changed before he will consider a reconciliation. Good luck. Thanks D-Lish. Ive learnt from those mistakes. And im planning to do exactly what you just said.
Author DJ Dancer Posted January 4, 2008 Author Posted January 4, 2008 I know it's tough to swallow- but if someone ignores your contact for 9 months- he isn't going to change his mind and come back.... and continuing to try and reach him will only make you feel worse. I have broken up with many people and vowed to be friends.... but this rarely happens. I have remained friends with one ex in my life- and he is the type of guy who is friends with all of his ex's. That's it. Often, during a break up it's a guys way of softening the blow- by suggesting friendship. But it is usually said without much weight behind it. It's extremely difficult to be friends with someone when one of the parties still pines for the other. Imagine DJ, if you guys were to be friends.... could you handle seeing him moving on with other women? It just wouldn't be a good thing for you. SND, I think that your bf has left the door open a tiny crack for you. You have to proceed cautiously at this point. All of your exchanges and meetings need to be upbeat and low pressure. Any more fights at this point will close that door. Don't go overboard contacting him- and never act upset if he can't make a date. Just remain upbeat and happy. You have to let him see the loving, calm, happy side of you. He needs to see you changing, and then he needs to believe you have changed before he will consider a reconciliation. Good luck. Your right! I have said I would be okay if he moved on when I know I wouldn't be okay with it..But he still could have enough decentcy to say don't talk to me or Im fine..at least I would know something instead of feeling confused and lost and feeling like I hurt his feelings some how or he is mad at me when I can't think of anything I did to him...
D-Lish Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Your right! I have said I would be okay if he moved on when I know I wouldn't be okay with it..But he still could have enough decentcy to say don't talk to me or Im fine..at least I would know something instead of feeling confused and lost and feeling like I hurt his feelings some how or he is mad at me when I can't think of anything I did to him... Well why does he get to have the power over this one? You haven't done anything wrong, so why should he be mad... he is just being hurtful.... and YOU should be mad about that. Take back some power for yourself and be the one that stops talking to him. Trust me, it's quite liberating to do so. If you make that choice to stop talking to him- you can regain some of the power you feel you have lost. Right now you are waiting while the ball sits in his court. DO something very powerful and just walk away from the game altogether. You choose the no contact- and you choose to stop giving him all that power over you. Let him wonder where you are and what you are up to for a change.
Author DJ Dancer Posted January 4, 2008 Author Posted January 4, 2008 Well why does he get to have the power over this one? You haven't done anything wrong, so why should he be mad... he is just being hurtful.... and YOU should be mad about that. Take back some power for yourself and be the one that stops talking to him. Trust me, it's quite liberating to do so. If you make that choice to stop talking to him- you can regain some of the power you feel you have lost. Right now you are waiting while the ball sits in his court. DO something very powerful and just walk away from the game altogether. You choose the no contact- and you choose to stop giving him all that power over you. Let him wonder where you are and what you are up to for a change. Your really right about this one! I am mad that he is hurting me even now and even in the last part of our relationship...I know I need to can that power back but I just don't know how to do that when I still care for him so much and wanting him in my life even though he hurt me...And I do wonder will he ever wonder what Im up to or how I am but the way things look from his pics and videos it seem like he doesn't care anymore at all about me and that I'm not even in his thoughts...
Lee725 Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Hi DJ Dancer, I replied to one of your threads a while ago. I am sorry that you are still suffering through this. That month you were with him you made a connection with him, people are capable of making connections straight away. I have done it in the past. when he left to go home without breaking it off, he left you feeling alone, isloated & he basically guarenteed that he was not going to be loyal to you when he got home, even tho he was still with you, therefore breaking it off with him was the right thing to do. Now it is 9 months on since you broke up with him and you have had NC from him, i really wish that there was something that i could do or say to make you feel better and to take this pain away that you seem be stuck in. There are so many other people out there who you could meet. You will have a connection with another person one day. I know that you really loved this guy, but i really dont think you are going to get any where by continuing to let him live in your heart. I hope you stay strong and can find the strength to move on.
Author DJ Dancer Posted January 4, 2008 Author Posted January 4, 2008 I cant seem to stop going to his page everyday and I mean EVERYDAY since the day we broke up and that was 9 months ago! I know that is pathetic to be doing that, but I can't help but wonder who leaves comments, who comments on his pictures and if he added anything new and to see if he goes and responds back to other people and just ignoring me and i was right about this one..He was going around speaking to others and just leaving me hanging when I just want to see how he is...I cant seem to control myself on checking his myspace everyday!
Author DJ Dancer Posted January 4, 2008 Author Posted January 4, 2008 Hi DJ Dancer, I replied to one of your threads a while ago. I am sorry that you are still suffering through this. That month you were with him you made a connection with him, people are capable of making connections straight away. I have done it in the past. when he left to go home without breaking it off, he left you feeling alone, isloated & he basically guarenteed that he was not going to be loyal to you when he got home, even tho he was still with you, therefore breaking it off with him was the right thing to do. Now it is 9 months on since you broke up with him and you have had NC from him, i really wish that there was something that i could do or say to make you feel better and to take this pain away that you seem be stuck in. There are so many other people out there who you could meet. You will have a connection with another person one day. I know that you really loved this guy, but i really dont think you are going to get any where by continuing to let him live in your heart. I hope you stay strong and can find the strength to move on. Thank you Lee725 yes I remember you posting on one of my other threads and yes I'm still stuck in this sticky situation that I can't seem to get out of...I know there is someone out there that will treat me with the respect and love I deserve I just have to shake this guy before I can move on and not carrying him into a new relationship...it really sucks alot to feel like this...Thanks again!
sumdude Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 I cant seem to stop going to his page everyday and I mean EVERYDAY since the day we broke up and that was 9 months ago! I know that is pathetic to be doing that, but I can't help but wonder who leaves comments, who comments on his pictures and if he added anything new and to see if he goes and responds back to other people and just ignoring me and i was right about this one..He was going around speaking to others and just leaving me hanging when I just want to see how he is...I cant seem to control myself on checking his myspace everyday! Seems like you're a little obsessed... happens to the best of us. The others are right, you need to take control of your actions so you can heal from this. Do anything to not look at his page or contact him in any way. Everyime you're about to do it, slap your thigh hard so it stings or something like that. Have a freind take your PC for 2 weeks.. It'll shock you enough to consider other actions. Then over time you'll have to play the same game mentallyy... everytime you think about him mentally tweak yourself to change what your thinking about. Once you look at his page or try to contact him your setting yourself back...
s_n_d Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 I cant seem to stop going to his page everyday and I mean EVERYDAY since the day we broke up and that was 9 months ago! I know that is pathetic to be doing that, but I can't help but wonder who leaves comments, who comments on his pictures and if he added anything new and to see if he goes and responds back to other people and just ignoring me and i was right about this one..He was going around speaking to others and just leaving me hanging when I just want to see how he is...I cant seem to control myself on checking his myspace everyday! What might help you is avoiding Myspace altogether. A few days after the breakup and even a few weeks after I would go onto his facebook page to see pictures of him. I found that this made me even more sad and i missed him even more. Now, I avoid facebook altogether. I cant miss what I dont see. However I still do but not as much as I would have if I saw all his new pictures and i KNOW theres probably pictures from his new years skiing with his friends on there. So far So good. Maybe it would help if you came on here instead of going on myspace..
watchconcierge Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 I have threads throughout this board but today I'm back to square one! i told myself not to bring this in 2008 and I did! I went to his myspace page and seen he added two videos of him singing and he added new pictures of him too! That threw my ALL the way back to square one..I don't get how he can be so happy like our relationship never mattered..yeah we only dated for a month but I fell head over hills for this guy and I thought he felt the sameway I did... But I guess he didn't once he moved back home things completely changed between us when he said things wouldn't..So I broke up with him because he wasnt even BEING my boyfriend! It was like I was in the relationship by myself..I miss him alot and I know I didn't hurt his feelings by breaking up with him because he was so cool about the break up! Telling me to keep in touch and that what can be friends! I NEED SOME ADVICE..WORDS OF WISDOM ANYTHING JUST TO COPE WITH THIS.... and its not the TYPICAL dumpers senario if you go read my threads you will HOPEFULLY see... Don't go to his myspace page. My ex uses her myspace page to aggravate me. I haven't gone to her page for 4 1/2 days now. And it feels great. It gets easier every day. Google how to block myspace from your computer. That will help.
Author DJ Dancer Posted January 4, 2008 Author Posted January 4, 2008 Thanks guys for all the help! I'm just gonna block his page on myspace because I have other friends I talk to on myspace.... Today I'm feeling a little better from yesterday..I was a complete mess yesterday! I really have to control my thinking too..I'm overanalyzing a lot of things he said and done and then I start to feel guilty thinking that I should take the entire wrap for the relationship including his part in hurting my feelings..I felt like I should take the blame and I know I shouldn't think like that, because I didn't do anything but your mind will make you think some crazy things! And I really need to quit worrying!
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