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Bday annoyance


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Posted

Im irritated with my BF,

 

I while back we talked about how we should go to vegas together for my bday. So its coming up and we're making plans, so we're looking at hotels, this and that. Here i am thinking he would pay for the hotel, being my birthday and all, so i was looking at reasonably priced hotels (as in $64 per nite).

Then, as i was showing him hotels he asks "so whats your budget? cuz I could chip in whatever your budget is so we can get a better hotel"....:eek:

Im like...uhh ok...so bassically he assumed I would be taking him and paying for him to Vegas for my bday.....how in the world does that make sense?!?

THEN he adds "i am going to share half the room and bed...so i should pay half my half is my ur bday gift"....WHAT!!! seriously!?! I said "bassically ur telling me ur company is my bday gift"...he says "and i am chipping in...."

 

Seriously!?!

 

 

 

I dont know if im being a brat....BUT SERIOUSLY?!?!

We then continued discussing hotels...me being irritated and All...and i said something about stratosphere...he says "stratoshphere is ok

i always live in crap hotels but never lived in luxor even paris had a good deal i think? and pls..dont be cheap" (this part jokingly). I said "dont be cheap!?! look who's talking! mr my company is your gift...I expect a nice bow around that gift btw!"

Ughh im soooo irritated!! i mean, if he had said "well we can both chip in and we may be able to get a better hotel" it would have made sense...but that he assumed I would pay for everything ON MY BIRTHDAY....god that annoyed me.

Im so turned off by it all I dont even want to go anymore

THis is so irritating....Im i being a brat about it? if not how should i go around telling him that his expectation is rather ridiculous.

 

ughhhh

Posted

well, you are being a brat about it. however, i would be annoyed, too. i am a brat, as well.

 

how long have you been together? how old is he? is he well to do financially?

 

generally, if something is my idea i plan it as if i'm paying for it, but hope i don't have to in the end.

 

when it comes to traveling, it's hard to assume someone else is going to foot the bill.

 

HOWEVER, you would think he was ALREADY assuming you'd both be splitting it.

 

good luck! hope you get over it!

Posted

Well, I'm a little different perhaps in that I don't date either cheap or broke guys. BUT, I would be hurt, too. Clearly he cannot afford this type of vacation...

 

Perhaps you change plans and let him plan something he feels comfy paying for?

Posted

No way I would have expected my bf to pay for the whole trip because it was my birthday. I would definitely expect him to do something to celebrate my birthday, but I would much prefer a surprise then him springing for a whole trip we were planning together.

 

Yet I would be upset that he thought he was doing a favor by chipping in too. Who's idea was it to go to Vegas? It sounds from your post like you guys decided it together. And no matter, since he was planning on coming along, I would be annoyed that he assumed that I should be pleased he was chipping in.

 

Are you better off financially then he is?

 

Is it a possible misunderstanding? As in, he just didn't formulate the 'go ducth' idea so well?

  • Author
Posted

Well, to answer all questions

 

WE've been dating 7 months. He went to vegas earlier last year and he came back saying he didnt like going w/o me and he wanted us to go. SO i said we should go for my bday (so i guess that makes it my idea?)

Anyway a few days ago we saw a vegas commercial nad I mentioned i wanted to go so he said "didnt you want to go on your bday?" so i said yes and asked if he still wanted to go, so he said yes.

 

Anyhow, he is MUCH better off than me...as in...making 3 figure income, while i dont even make 50k...so is not like he cannot afford it. Also last time he went he wasted almost 1,000...yet he doesnt even think about spending 64 on his gf.

 

Anyway, ya i felt i was being a bit bratty about it...but...i dont know...just irritated me how he "graciously" offered to pitch in...like he assummed i would just pay for the whole thing.

 

IDK

  • Author
Posted

 

Is it a possible misunderstanding? As in, he just didn't formulate the 'go ducth' idea so well?

 

I thought about it too...that it didnt come out quite as he intended it...cuz as far as i know ive never thought he was cheap, at least not to the extend where he expected me to pay for a whole trip.....

 

I guess we'll find out

Posted

Wow. All of these threads about the men being expected to pay for everything is really starting to depress me. Seeing as how I don't even make 40k at my primary job, it looks like I may spend a lot of time weeding through all of the women with these expectations.

 

I personally think ever expecting a free ride on a trip like this a little extreme. Isn't it likely he will be paying a lot of money along the way while you're there? I would suspect so, so why not help him out a little with the room. At 7 months, I would have a difficult time sporting that much money on a girlfriend. However, my actions are heavily dictated by the paragraph above.

 

What' more important... love or money?

Posted
Well, to answer all questions

 

WE've been dating 7 months. He went to vegas earlier last year and he came back saying he didnt like going w/o me and he wanted us to go. SO i said we should go for my bday (so i guess that makes it my idea?)

Anyway a few days ago we saw a vegas commercial nad I mentioned i wanted to go so he said "didnt you want to go on your bday?" so i said yes and asked if he still wanted to go, so he said yes.

 

Anyhow, he is MUCH better off than me...as in...making 3 figure income, while i dont even make 50k...so is not like he cannot afford it. Also last time he went he wasted almost 1,000...yet he doesnt even think about spending 64 on his gf.

 

Anyway, ya i felt i was being a bit bratty about it...but...i dont know...just irritated me how he "graciously" offered to pitch in...like he assummed i would just pay for the whole thing.

 

IDK

 

I don't think you are being a brat at all. He sounds like a loser to me and it seems right to me that this is turning you off him.

 

He makes more money than you, over $100k, dating 7 months, it is your birthday, it is only vegas (relatively cheap vacation), you are not planning to stay at the Bellagio etc...of course he should be paying, though you should offer to pay for show tickets etc while you are there. At the VERY LEAST, of course he should have assumed he was paying at least half, whether it was your idea or not. He sounds very low class to me and if I were you I'd go to Vegas without him for my birthday!

 

I find it absolutely unbelievable that he thought you would pay for his holiday for your birthday.

Posted

given the financial situation, i am certain i would be just as upset as well.

Posted

I don't think the difference in income means you can assume that he will pay for the whole trip. I asked the question more in the sense that I was wondering if he was a student, always broke, and therefore his offering to chip in might have been understandable in that to him it would be a big financial sacrifice.

 

Otherwise, if you can both afford the trip and make it a more luxurious one together, then I think your only issue is the way he expressed the 'chipping in'. Personnally, I think he had every intention of chipping in all along, and just didn't express himself very well. It would still bug me, but there would be nothing to do but let it go.

Posted

How many nights are you going for? Are you flying in? Making 6 figures a year a $200 hotel room shouldn't be an issue. Even more concerning is that he said his chipping in is your birthday gift? WTF?! I would feel the same way as you do, like he's trying to say that his company is a gift or a favor to me. Not that time together isn't valuable but the way he's saying it is weird :confused::mad:

Posted

I'm a guy and would never expect my girlfriend to pay for their own birthday trip, no matter how little I earned. If I couldn't afford Vegas, I would try and suggest something else. And as a guy, I don't think that you are behaving like a brat. It's your birthday and you shouldn't have to pay for your own present!

Posted

I certainly do not think this is right! He is very low class saying what he has!

 

To offer to 'chip in' as your birthday gift is trashy and mean seeing as he earns well and can blow money on other things.

 

I would be mortified if my bf did that, but saying that I would have checked what the paying arrangement was before I looked at hotels.

 

Dump the cheap chump!

 

Actually you dont have to dump him but I would be honest with him and see what he says! Could just be a misunderstanding?

Posted

I think this was a bad idea to begin with. He showed his true colors and so have you.

Posted

She hasnt shown her true colours she is (rightly) upset that he is being so tight fisted. And he is being tight fisted

 

Its a classic case of no communication!

Posted

he is a tight ass.

7 months is long enough to know if you care about someone enough that you would like to spend some money on them for their birthday.

 

Making her feel like him spending time with her on her birthday and that it is so special for him to pay for his half (later suggesting this - not at first), is her birthday gift .... tell him to p' off, go without him, take the girls and have a blast.

Posted

Well did he say or imply that him pitching him was your onlu b-day gift?

 

I feel that the general sense of outrage here is somewhat exagerated given that they had not discussed financial arrangements for the trip prior to that clumsy conversation.

 

I think it was fair of her not to expect he would spring for the whole thing - even as she hoped he would.

 

I would be disapointed, in her shoes, if he didn't buy me a b-day gift along with his 'part' of the trip (or treat me to a fancy dinner over there or what not).

 

4givrnt4gtr, have you two talked about this some more?

Posted

I have to say that I really just don't understand the logic here. Is it really fair to expect him to pay for the rooms and everything you do while you're there? I mean, if this is a multi-day trip, does anyone here realize how much money he would be spending on a daily basis just to support their fun? We're talking thousands of dollars here people.

 

Yes, I think you're being a brat and nothing would make me want to cancel a trip faster than the way you handled it. At this point, if I were him, I would seriously be questioning my decision to take you to Vegas.

Posted
At this point, if I were him, I would seriously be questioning my decision to take you to Vegas.

 

I don't think he's TAKING HER to Vegas, he thinks pitching in for the room is a birthday gift so I'd hardly consider that him taking her.

  • Author
Posted

Wow, i thought this thread had died already....

 

Well i discussed this issue with some of my friends who know him. All of them agreed that I just couldnt and shouldnt expect him to pay for the whole thing. Even my most demanding friend said that she and her bf of 2 years always paid half and half when it concerned trips.

 

Krytie...believe me, it will not be thousands of dollars :rolleyes:

 

We live in LA so we're driving there, and we're only staying for one night. The rooms I was checking out were 64 dollards a night...and we were only gonna rent ONE room...so all in all, if he wants to gamble (I dont gamble), dinner and since i already know he's rather "thrifty" no shows, at most we would be spending 300 together...hardly what I would call a fortune.

 

In any case, later, when we were talking in person, seemed to me that his online delivery of his "pitching in" was rather...well...bad, and not really intended. And the bday gift was a joke, completely lost in the aim chat, as he mentioned it again in person and it was clearly a joke (judging by outburst of laughter after saying it).

 

In any case, I have an issue with assertiveness which needs to be changed ASAP. We finally ended up booking a room in a Treasure Island, which costs $140. We discussed how it would be 70 each and he agreed to it. If i would had to pay on my own I would have rather stayed on the cheaper hotels, but since he insisted on a higher end hotel Im going to have make sure I get paid back for his half of the room. This makes me feel cheap...but then again, anything that has to do with asserting my needs makes me feel guilty anyway, so I guess this is as good a time as any to ask for what i need.

 

Lishy, you're right, this was a thing of communication...made me realize i should probably do these thing in person and not online, as jokes, sarcasm etc are completely lost in typing.

 

And Kamille, yeah i will be a bit disappointed if he doesnt give me anything (even if its a cute card!) for my bday. Its not about the actual monetary value, but the thought. Although i really doubt he would do that...to be honest this is the first time Ive seen that he would be THAT tight with money (he can be a bit thrifty at times though), so thats why i was irritated.

 

Anyway, the trip is on the 20...i'll let you know how it all went ;)

 

thanks for all the replies!!!

Posted

well, one last thing i want to say...one night is different than a whole week.

 

if it was my birthday i'd expect my boyfriend to pay for that night at a hotel room if we were staying somewhere.

 

but it sounds like you've resolved it.

 

have a great time!

Posted

I am glad it has been sorted hon! Have a great time and please let us know how you got on

 

xx

 

Ps ... Happy birthday for then!

Posted

And Kamille, yeah i will be a bit disappointed if he doesnt give me anything (even if its a cute card!) for my bday. Its not about the actual monetary value, but the thought. Although i really doubt he would do that...to be honest this is the first time Ive seen that he would be THAT tight with money (he can be a bit thrifty at times though), so thats why i was irritated.

 

 

What's funny is that in a way, by doubling the 64$ you were ready to put in the room, he's proving that he's not uber-trifthy, even as he forces you to spend more on the trip.

 

Your bf has sense of humor that doesn't translate well in on-line conversation. I'm glad you managed to resolve things!

Posted

I'm also glad that you managed to resolve things.

 

I will say that since you technically suggested the trip, regardless of birthday, you either pay or split. If he suggested taking you to Vegas for your birthday, it's a whole 'nother ballgame.

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