Phateless Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Two of my closest female friends have disappeared on me completely over the past couple of months... one of them I had a sneaking suspicion had a crush on me so that explains that... the other one always told me we were just friends as if she was afraid I had a crush on her. It's just kinda depressing. Maybe women and men can't be close friends after all?
Green Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Ive had this happen to me with girls before... who knows... My guess is you should move on and not let this take you down.
Pyro Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Two of my closest female friends have disappeared on me completely over the past couple of months... one of them I had a sneaking suspicion had a crush on me so that explains that... the other one always told me we were just friends as if she was afraid I had a crush on her. It's just kinda depressing. Maybe women and men can't be close friends after all? Maybe one or both of them now have BF's. Guys and girls will do that when they start up a relationship. You can be close friends with the opposite sex, but in todays age it seems like a rarity.
Blue Eyed Brain Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 It sounds like they may have met men that they fell into relationships with and no longer need a man's perspective. Not saying that this is the best kind of relationship, but it maybe a possibility. People hang with people for all sorts of reasons, some not so admirable. Other reasons could be: they did like you but they moved on thinking you had no interest in them; they never really did care about your well being, they were just a casual acquaintance. Any of these; the bottom line is: they no longer care. Move on and don't fret about it.
Author Phateless Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 It sounds like they may have met men that they fell into relationships with and no longer need a man's perspective. Not saying that this is the best kind of relationship, but it maybe a possibility. People hang with people for all sorts of reasons, some not so admirable. Other reasons could be: they did like you but they moved on thinking you had no interest in them; they never really did care about your well being, they were just a casual acquaintance. Any of these; the bottom line is: they no longer care. Move on and don't fret about it. Yeah... that's what I've been afraid of and that's what hurts. I was really close with both of them and we used to hang out all the time. I thought they genuinely cared about me as a person, I know I do about them. You're right they both started dating someone recently... that's lame.
Blue Eyed Brain Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Sorry Phateless. Didn't mean to hurt you. Are they around your age or younger? I have guy friends that like to date women that are 5-10 years younger and this happens a lot. The guy friends that I have that date within 5 years (either way) of their age, tend to retain friendships. It's a maturity issue. When your young, you think people are expendable. Only when you mature, you realize that not everyone was placed on this Earth to satisfy and love you. At that point, you tend to keep the friendship and cherish them as much, or more than a love interest.
Author Phateless Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 Sorry Phateless. Didn't mean to hurt you. Are they around your age or younger? I have guy friends that like to date women that are 5-10 years younger and this happens a lot. The guy friends that I have that date within 5 years (either way) of their age, tend to retain friendships. It's a maturity issue. When your young, you think people are expendable. Only when you mature, you realize that not everyone was placed on this Earth to satisfy and love you. At that point, you tend to keep the friendship and cherish them as much, or more than a love interest. Oh it's cool Brain, you didn't hurt me. I'm just saying it sucks that's all. Yeah, they're 22/20, so maybe that's it. I thought neither of them considered people expendable, but apparently I was just a placeholder. Sucks.
Blue Eyed Brain Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Well, if it's any consolation, we here will stick by you!
blind_otter Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 They might cruise on back after their relationships fizzle, as is wont to happen when you're in your early 20s. I have several friends/acquaintences like that. They always get involved with someone and forget everyone else, then they break up and want to hang out. One of my friends does this so much that it's almost a joke. I take it in stride.
Author Phateless Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 Well I called her just now cuz I was thinking about it and she sounded genuinely happy to hear from me. She's busy for the next few days but said she has time after break. We'll see what happens.
reservoirdog1 Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 I noticed this as well. A couple of years ago, I had two particularly close female friends. Talked to them all the time, and one of them, hung out with quite a bit. At the time I met them, I was still getting over my split from XW. A couple of years passed, and I now hear from them a LOT less. (Although they occasionally pop up out of the blue and phone me.) I've since gotten over my divorce and have been in a relationship for over a year and a half. I arrived at the conclusion that, for some women, they stay interested in friendship with a guy as long as they see the guy as a bit of a "fixer-upper", somebody who they can work on, give advice to, help in some way. Sort of like a "project". Once the guy in question no longer needs that, the friendship tends to fade or lessen. Of course, that's just my $0.02...
Pyro Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 They might cruise on back after their relationships fizzle, as is wont to happen when you're in your early 20s. I have several friends/acquaintences like that. They always get involved with someone and forget everyone else, then they break up and want to hang out. One of my friends does this so much that it's almost a joke. I take it in stride. A friend of mine is like that. The second his 2 year relationship ends, he is available to hang out, whereas for two years he was always either broke or too tired to hang out.
EYECANDY000 Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 They probaly feel like them confided in you their feelings and you didnt feel mutual towards them .. So they figured why embarrass my self any further
Tony T Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Two of my closest female friends have disappeared on me completely over the past couple of months... one of them I had a sneaking suspicion had a crush on me so that explains that... the other one always told me we were just friends as if she was afraid I had a crush on her. It's just kinda depressing. Maybe women and men can't be close friends after all? Blue Eyed Brain has a very good take on this issue. People in general only hang around when they are getting certain needs met. If they find another place to get those needs met or life circumstances change for them, you are no longer needed to complete the picture. It's a fact of life...deal with it. It would be nice to have altruistic friendships (where there is no particular agenda, conscious or unconscious) here and there but they are truly hard to find.
Author Phateless Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 They probaly feel like them confided in you their feelings and you didnt feel mutual towards them .. So they figured why embarrass my self any further what kind of feelings are you talking about? i was pretty close with both of them. Blue Eyed Brain has a very good take on this issue. People in general only hang around when they are getting certain needs met. If they find another place to get those needs met or life circumstances change for them, you are no longer needed to complete the picture. It's a fact of life...deal with it. It would be nice to have altruistic friendships (where there is no particular agenda, conscious or unconscious) here and there but they are truly hard to find. yeah that makes sense... i would hate to think that that's all i was
StareIntoTheSun Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 i really hate "friends" like that. i had 2 really close male friends in high school. one stopped talking to me because his bisexual girlfriend thought i was hot, and the other i am still friends with but he always seems to ditch me when he has a girlfriend. Now he is married though, and I am also friends with his wife. But it makes me wonder... if i wasn't friends with his wife, would he ever talk to me again? Anyway, the point I was trying to make is that people can be scummy, and I really hate when girls like that give girls like me a bad name. I would never drop a close friend, no matter what sex they were. The first thing I told my boyfriend when we got together was "I have guy friends that I'm very close with and I consider brothers." If he would have told me that makes him uncomfortable, I would have told him that he should learn to deal with it or find another GF. "bros before hos" lol
ElvenPriestess Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 I have a whole ton of male friends, and I would never drop off the earth. That isn't what friends do to each other. At least, not true friends. Even if I'm in a relationship I always make time for my male friends.
Mustang Sally Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 You're right they both started dating someone recently... that's lame. Maybe the BF's wouldn't understand them having such a close relationship (albeit platonic) with you? I dunno.
ElvenPriestess Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 That kind of makes sense MS, but I know my male friends wouldn't stop talking to me over a girl who was upset by our friendship. They'd tell her to grow up or something.
Mustang Sally Posted January 9, 2008 Posted January 9, 2008 That kind of makes sense MS, but I know my male friends wouldn't stop talking to me over a girl who was upset by our friendship. They'd tell her to grow up or something. Good point, EP.
Author Phateless Posted January 10, 2008 Author Posted January 10, 2008 Well I called them both and talked to them a bit, so hopefully I'll hang out with them again when I'm back in town. We'll see what happens.
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