s_n_d Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 Heres my story if you need some background info on my ex and I http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t139739/ I need ANY suggestions. Wild, crazy suggestions will do too....:Danything at all.. Ill do anything at this point. Anything but NC. Please dont tell me to do the NC thing with him. Ive tried...believe me and i just physically AND emotionally cant do it. Its killing all present ties i have left with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Freddy Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 I think you should go backbacking in Europe for a year. Then you should become a Nun and swear of men forever. LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Author s_n_d Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. Very funny(sarcastic). Ive considered becoming a nun after whats happened in the last couple of months. God is the only one who can save me from the misery now. && FYI Ive already been backpacking across Western Europe. In your face, Freddy. Lol. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkRibbon Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 to the both of you! celibate? I have no idea what to do to help get your man back. I can't even talk to mine. Sorry not much help. It's either face up and move on or sit and plot how to get someone back who doesn't want you. I think the point of NC is to kill all ties and regain some respect for yourself. Besides there are MILLIONS of men in the world why settle for one that doesn't want you??? Link to post Share on other sites
Freddy Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 Pink: Is he doing NC on you? Link to post Share on other sites
CalamitousJane Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 Hi s_n_d, Funny you should ask. Loveshack is great because you get to read all kinds of stories, enough to see some patterns. A couple days ago I started collecting stories of people whose partners ended up wanting to come back after initiating a separation or break-up. The main thing that every story has in common, is that the "dumpee" finally reached a point where they felt ok either with or without the ex, but still had warm feelings toward the ex. They all got to a place beyond both obsession and anger where they had processed a whole bunch of grief and finally really let go. I couldn't find a single story where a dumper returned to a dumpee who was hanging on for dear life, wishing, hoping and begging. I don't think real NC is absolutely necessary, except that I know for me it did wonders for breaking my addiction. It provided me an excellent opportunity to grieve and let go. It forced me to find other ways to occupy my time and emotional energy. Some people do NC but still don't manage to really let go. I think staying obsessed, even during NC, keeps the situation impossible from some energetic standpoint. Here are a few of the loveshack success stories. I'm sure there are a lot more. They are amazing to read: confuzd - wife came back after he started seeing someone else: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=123478 ilmw - happy ending after a real separation: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t90264/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t132229/ another happy ending: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t101383/ notspiritual - dumpee who doesn't want to go back: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t119521/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t129990/ boyfriend came back after she gave him space: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/f39/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author s_n_d Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 to the both of you! celibate? I have no idea what to do to help get your man back. I can't even talk to mine. Sorry not much help. It's either face up and move on or sit and plot how to get someone back who doesn't want you. I think the point of NC is to kill all ties and regain some respect for yourself. Besides there are MILLIONS of men in the world why settle for one that doesn't want you??? He doesnt know what he wants, it seems. lol. When we were together, he said i was all he wanted and that he loved me. && i will make him want me.Muahahaha.Plots evil seduction. Haha Naww Im kidding. I dunno what else i have left to do except letting go.ANYTHING but that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author s_n_d Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 Hi s_n_d, Funny you should ask. Loveshack is great because you get to read all kinds of stories, enough to see some patterns. A couple days ago I started collecting stories of people whose partners ended up wanting to come back after initiating a separation or break-up. The main thing that every story has in common, is that the "dumpee" finally reached a point where they felt ok either with or without the ex, but still had warm feelings toward the ex. They all got to a place beyond both obsession and anger where they had processed a whole bunch of grief and finally really let go. I couldn't find a single story where a dumper returned to a dumpee who was hanging on for dear life, wishing, hoping and begging. I don't think real NC is absolutely necessary, except that I know for me it did wonders for breaking my addiction. It provided me an excellent opportunity to grieve and let go. It forced me to find other ways to occupy my time and emotional energy. Some people do NC but still don't manage to really let go. I think staying obsessed, even during NC, keeps the situation impossible from some energetic standpoint. Here are a few of the loveshack success stories. I'm sure there are a lot more. They are amazing to read: confuzd - wife came back after he started seeing someone else: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=123478 ilmw - happy ending after a real separation: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t90264/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t132229/ another happy ending: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t101383/ notspiritual - dumpee who doesn't want to go back: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t119521/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t129990/ boyfriend came back after she gave him space: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/f39/ I was done begging a week after the breakup. But he knows that i will always have hope in us. Ive told him before. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkRibbon Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 Pink: Is he doing NC on you? Oh yea big time NC. He hasn't seen me since we split up and he exact words "I don't call because I don't care and as far as I am concerned you don't exist." So NC all the way. He took 6 years and now I don't exist for him anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author s_n_d Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 Oh yea big time NC. He hasn't seen me since we split up and he exact words "I don't call because I don't care and as far as I am concerned you don't exist." So NC all the way. He took 6 years and now I don't exist for him anymore. What a jerk!!! how long ago did the split happen. Link to post Share on other sites
CalamitousJane Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 I dunno what else i have left to do except letting go.ANYTHING but that. Yeah, that's how I felt too. I'm still mildly to moderately obsessed, but it's much more manageable now. Imagining a future without him still pangs me, but doesn't always make me sob for hours anymore . I think letting go doesn't necessarily mean giving up hope, just getting over the fear of NOT being with him. PinkRibbon - I, like you, didn't know what I wanted until it was gone. It really sucks. Also, that last link should be: jennyfur01: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t140221/ Link to post Share on other sites
PinkRibbon Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 I wanted to stay with my husband. He chose to stay with his girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
PinkRibbon Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 He left me 3 months ago on the 6th. See I am counting and on the 6th it will be 30 days no contact. Link to post Share on other sites
Author s_n_d Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 He left me 3 months ago on the 6th. See I am counting and on the 6th it will be 30 days no contact. wow 30 days I couldnt even go 3 days Link to post Share on other sites
PinkRibbon Posted January 3, 2008 Share Posted January 3, 2008 oh it is terribly hard. I want to talk to him so bad I can't stand it but then I remember what he said last time so I won't call him ever again. The calling hurts more than his silence. Link to post Share on other sites
Author s_n_d Posted January 3, 2008 Author Share Posted January 3, 2008 Thats true, pinkribbon. Stay strong!! Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Heres my story if you need some background info on my ex and I http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t139739/ I need ANY suggestions. Wild, crazy suggestions will do too....:Danything at all.. Ill do anything at this point. Anything but NC. Please dont tell me to do the NC thing with him. Ive tried...believe me and i just physically AND emotionally cant do it. Its killing all present ties i have left with him. You know, there's nothing you can do to make someone love you or want you back. They either do or they don't. There are a multitude of ways, however, to push them away. One of them is simply TRYING TOO HARD. If you try to force someone to come back to you, by nature they will simply go the other way. Forcing someone to love you, if that is even possible, cages them into a relationship. Nobody wants to be caged. The best thing you can do is MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE. If they miss you, and time will tell, they will make it known they want you back. But if you so much as pressure them to try and come back to you that very same pressure will push them away. Ex's have a knack for knowing when you've moved on and it's normally at that time when they decide they made a mistake. With men, they usually make rash decisions to leave a relationship and are more likely to come back. With women they are much less likely to come back. When they leave, the decision is usually final. Take whatever you want from this reply. If you refuse to do NC, then my best suggestion to you is to dive into hobbies, new friends, working out and self improvement. Fill yourself with many fun and entertaining activities so you don't have to time to do NC, it will just come naturally. Cheers. Link to post Share on other sites
PLAYBRAT Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 I am afraid to inform you that if someone has absolutely made up their mind they don't want to be with you then you NEED to move on.It is not a matter of want. Life is not like the movies in Hollywood. A girl breaks up with a guy...and he plots and schemes to get her back by singing love songs to a boom box under her window. In the movies he gets the girl back...in real life he gets a restraining order put out on him. Please don't romanticize getting someone back. All it does is tear you apart inside and keep you stuck. I learned the HARD way that the second someone breaks off with me is when I need to accept it at face value and move on as best I can. It is not MY place to convince someone they should come back to ME. THAT is completely backward thinking..NO..they need to convince ME that they screwed up for letting me go. If you were fired from a job..would you keep going back to it everyday so you could feel like a failure or a loser? If you are sane you wouldn't. So why would you go back to someone who "fired" you as their g/f or partner?? Think about it. Put it in perspective. Once you can get your head around this...you will be much stronger and in a position to move forward.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author s_n_d Posted January 4, 2008 Author Share Posted January 4, 2008 Thank you CaliGuy & PLAYBRAT. I value your opinions. And Im glad you told me the way it is because I need toughlove sometimes. And thats very true. He wont come back to me if Im always on his case. But at the same time, Im still friends with him... Its hard. So everytime we see eachother I wont bring up anything. I will just be ME and if we stay friends and nothing more, so be it. I cannot cut him out of my life. I refuse to do that. And Me seeing him is probably not going to help me get over him but I HAVE to do it because hes a good friend despite everything that has happened in the last two months and I cant stand to lose a friend. But I will try to limit my contact with him as much as possible. Link to post Share on other sites
italianchica Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 After reading your earlier thread, what bothered me the most was when he mentioned that his love for you had died. I believe all the fighting over pointless things are taking a toll on his heart so much so that he believes that if you can't get past the petty things then how could you both really tackle something big together? Too much aggression just takes away from all the happiness you both could be sharing!! From your posts, it appears to me that you have a great sense of humor! This is what you need to show to him every time you talk. No more arguing and fighting. No matter what. You need to show him the person that he once fell in love with. The sweet, fun loving, YOU. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author s_n_d Posted January 4, 2008 Author Share Posted January 4, 2008 After reading your earlier thread, what bothered me the most was when he mentioned that his love for you had died. I believe all the fighting over pointless things are taking a toll on his heart so much so that he believes that if you can't get past the petty things then how could you both really tackle something big together? Too much aggression just takes away from all the happiness you both could be sharing!! From your posts, it appears to me that you have a great sense of humor! This is what you need to show to him every time you talk. No more arguing and fighting. No matter what. You need to show him the person that he once fell in love with. The sweet, fun loving, YOU. Good luck! I agree with you about that.. I KNOW it was taking a toll on his heart. Hes been hurt too much in the past and it wasnt considerate of me to be getting into silly arguments with him. Thank you. Im planning on doing that. Link to post Share on other sites
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