dave3663 Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 I split up with my ex girlfriend around 4 months ago now, at first i really struggled with things a lot, before starting to get bk to my normal self. Now ive got several issues. Firstly i still see her most of the time and we are still friends. This is where things get a little messed up, she still tells me she loves me from time to time and i tell her the same because i truly do. She doesnt want to get back together and although i like to entertain the thought of it, i know it would be stupid. She isnt with anyone at the minute, but as soon as she is i know its really gonna mess me up. Im clearly not over her! The thing is im starting to feel really empty and lonely and craving some female affection. She was my first girlfriend, first love and only person ive had sex with, yet i know as soon as i find someone else ill b absolutely fine and happy for her, whilst the longer i remain single the more i seem to want her back. Unfortunately its been 4 months now and i dont seem to be having any luck finding a new girlfriend, which is really beginning to bring me down, arrgh any advice appreciated (sorry if i sound a bit negative, im positive in all other areas of my life so far, but the longer this goes on could change things!) apologisies if grammar is not correct as i havnt gone through it.
Pitbull4 Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Dave, hang in there. The best thing for you to do at this piont is to focus on you. She obviously doesn't know what she wants. Take some time away from her and worry about you....
s_n_d Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 I think that if she still says she loves you, she means it. I tell my ex all the time... I you still love her you have to admit that you were wrong in breaking up with her before and get her back.. If you dont love her, you have to start seeing other people.
Author dave3663 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 i didnt break up with her, she broke up with me, we both managed to mess things up while we were together, so i suppose were both at fault , in a way i wouldnt mind giving it a fresh start, but at the same time i do want to move on, just not having much luck with girls at the minute, it seems to be impossible. and pitbull, thanks for advice, i have been focusing on myself, trying to have fun with mates, go to the gym, playin sport etc, which has helped a lot, but still feel lonely
wowIlose Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 (edited) Your pretty much in the identical situation as I am. Except I recently, within the last few days found out my ex is now having sex with a guy I know. Not a hang out buddy but an acquaintance. (shes not even in a relationship with this guy) This messed me up beyond belief and I am struggling dealing with this. Its good on one hand because it puts an end to all my hopeful thoughts of reuniting with her but at the same time I am going through bouts of massive lows that bring me to tears and a sense of impending doom. The feeling is unbearable. My advice to you is to stop contacting her before you get to the point that I am at. I am also having issues with finding a new girl and I am starting to really believe thats its going to really help since I have been working on myself for a solid 3 months, working out, hanging out with buddies, going out every weekend, working etc. Getting a new girl is one thing I havent been successful at yet. I think my confidence has takin a beating since the break up and I am giving of a bad vibe and coming across hastey. I already messed up a good chance with 1 girl. But I have been working on my confidence and I recommend you do to. I am sure we will both get over this. Good luck man. Edited January 3, 2008 by wowIlose
Green Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 finding a new women will definetly end all this. Since you've only had one relationship you havn't perfected the entire getting dates thing. Its actualy pretty easy and there truly are limitless hot chicks out there to hit on. First off have you even been walking up to chicks and flirting with them? well you need to talk to the cute girls you see, do about two or three minutes of flirting (small talk with smiling and touching) then just out of the blue say ur cute/pretty give me your number so we can talk some more. Then once you do this to a couple of chicks you either work/school/just saw on the street you should end up with atleast 2 new numbers a week... they'll almost 100% give you a cell phone number then just txt them during the week like a sun,mon,tue,wed and invite them for a drink at lounge or coffee place... make sure you try to get physical like a kiss or something first time you go out... bam you'll see how easy it is to get hot women. you can even get laid pretty easily if thats ur goal
Author dave3663 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 hey good luck to you aswell wowIlose! For me finding a new girl will definately help, and i think for it will too. Your definately right about the confidence thing, if u come across either hatesy or desperate or as if u have any type of emotional baggage uve absolutely got no hope. confidence and positivity is the way forward! to be honest confidence wise im ok, my problem is i cant find any women to charm. Im at university in my final year, (not gone bk for the next term yet) and when i am out and do find women to talk to im happy as anything, its just very rare, and the rest of the time is when i get down and feel low. I spose u just gotta remember without the lows in this world there would be no highs. If it never rained we wudnt appreciate a sunny day! my problem is my positivity tends to dwindle the longer it gets with something like this.
Author dave3663 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 I think your right KMT, and more recently i have been chatting to random girls eg in shoe shops, sainsburys etc, unfortunately at uni theres only about 10 girls in any of my modules, and all are either attached or stupidly annoying. I do a few different sports but again theres virtually no women do any, so the only chance i have to meet girls are on nights out, and dont get me wrong i do randomly go up and talk to ppl but its difficult to not come off as obviously on the pull or desperate in that situation, especially when alcohol is a factor.
Green Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 I didnt relize u werent american till you said "uni" in your response. Look man women love desperation just as long as its the right kind. Why do you think they phantisize about pirates and criminals broken out of jail and ****. As long as you dont come off as some sorry sad person, it shouldnt matter, so dont wory about looking desperate. When girls are in groups ask them if you clould have a word alone or just say come this way and lead them away from the group for a moment to get the digits. You might want to consider doing a semester here in the US at a school in one of our major cities such as L.A., Miami, or NYC
your star Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 hi dave, i agree with what everyone has said so far. i think you need to take time out for yourself. sometimes we THINK finding a new person will help ease what we are currently feeling, but sometimes we may find ourselves comparing the new with old. i think it all depends on you and how you are coping with your situation..i also believe that sometimes when you arent trying soo hard to find something, it will come to you when the time is ready. dont rush yourself, things will fall in place.
Author dave3663 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 yeh cheers your star, im just being impatient, im only 20 but i can feel my time evaporating away already, i wish i was 18 again!
your star Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 youre young! you have soo many more years ahead of you. you should enjoy your time. im 26, and my relationship that ended recently was for 6 1/2 years. i felt like i had to find someone right away too, but you know what I am enjoying being able to not have to worry about anyone except myself right now. it's fun
Author dave3663 Posted January 4, 2008 Author Posted January 4, 2008 yeh thats just the problem, my heart says i love her, but my brain is saying i wouldnt want to get bk with her and be together for the next 6 years of my life or however long! I just want her back because im starting to feel like im never gonna get anyone else Unfortunately shes asked me to go shopping with her tommorow and i had agreed, so i dnt know what to do. i was tempted to txt her and say i wasnt sure it was such a good idea, but now im thinking mayb i should try and get her back somehow? its all very confusing
Green Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 of course your thinking that, you feel you dont have it in you to attract other girls. You try to win her back your doing it for the wrong reasons. Dont go shoping with her. Be a MAN! give a man a fish and he'll eat it, teach a man to fish and he'll never go hungry... you gotta learn how to fish my boy
Author dave3663 Posted January 6, 2008 Author Posted January 6, 2008 hmmm I made the mistake of going shopping with her and it hasnt helped me. We both had a good day and enjoyed each others company. She sent me a text message later saying i was fun to be with. I know she still likes me but she doesnt seem to want to get back together as i have suggested it before. Back at uni soon so im unsure what to do really, i think im gonna keep bein nice/fun with her as much as i can, and try and be as confident as poss when talkin to new girls if i manage to meet any.
Green Posted January 6, 2008 Posted January 6, 2008 whats this if I manage to meet any talk??? Girls to meet are every where... in fact I usualy see single girls every where I go. The mall full of girls just walking aroud, pizza places, coffee shops, book stores, school, the deli, supermarket... all these place have single girls just waiting for a friendly kinda silly, kinda cute guy to just talk to them... so go out there... ur ex isn't going to take you back dude and ur going to feel like crap if you hold onto that hope, especialy if she starts telling u about how cute she thinks guys r and stuff. Your in this mind set right now that its imposible for you to get another girl... thats wrong... it will be no problem once you get your head straight... girls are easy, just do it
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