faye.white Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 (edited) iv been going out with my bf for almost a year..we are both in love with each other that isnt what im worrying about, but i feel like im to over the top but i just cant stop it im always the one to call him first i always ask what day does he want to meet up he tells me that he loves me and doesnt want any one but me but i just cant help but think im pushing him away....iv been dumped befor by my 1st love and im sure that was because i was to ...needy, i just wish i new away to make myself wait for him to call me or make him say lets go out to the pics or dinner, its so hard to no what to do , my mates tell me to go out with other people an enjoy myself but now i fined myself not being able to even have fun with out him. im always thinking of him ...any ideas of what i can do? Edited January 3, 2008 by faye.white
Green Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 The way you are with one thing is the way you are with everything. Logically then the way you are with one guy is the way you are with all men. The reason for this is simple, the fastest part of your brain is also the most stupid. If you have one bad experience with a guy it remembers how you felt and the moment there’s a guy around it replays the feeling, this isn’t helpful when you’re trying to have healthy relationships. When you meet a new guy do you worry he will reject your feelings, well have you ever been rejected by a guy before? Your subconscious mind is working to protect you from feeling that feeling by replaying the feeling as a warning so you avoid the behavior that led you to the feeling the first time. Maybe some times you feel jealous when you see your guy talking to other girls, even though you know he’d never cheat. Well that feeling probably comes from a previous boy friend who cheated on you. It has nothing to do with the current guy, unless you act on that feeling and get shtty with him and give him a reason to cheat. Then suddenly all the guy you get together with are cheating on you and you wonder why. It’s sometimes hard to ignore these feelings and its very hard to let them go. But there are several good techniques.
blackbird Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 I'm so glad to be in my late twenties. Not that I'm a perfect master of my emotions now -- far from it! -- but god, the hellish emotional/hormonal roller-coaster that was my teens. I'm guessing you're in your teens, I could be wrong. I was very emotionally needy, at least internally, in my relationships in my teens too. It was grand and exhilarating but it was also pretty nerve-wracking. I pined over my love(s), I thought about them constantly, my heart always felt like it was going to explode. I'd be so happy when I was with them, and often depressed/panicked when I wasn't, filled with all sorts of enormously overblown doubts and insecurities. He hasn't called me in two days? End of the world! Oi. You have my profound sympathies. As you gain more experience with men/relationships/dating, this will more than likely pass, but it's just a phase you to live through for now. Just knowing that might help, perhaps. You've embarked on a completely new phase of your life (and that's so even if you've got a few years of dating under your belt) -- learning how to forge romantic/sexual relationships, which are generally the most intense and intimate relationships with other human beings you form in your life. The process of learning how to give and receive love (from someone who isn't related to you and is not required to do so!), to communicate, to trust, to intertwine one's life with another -- this is a Big Thing. Of course you are scared, and you don't want to screw up, and you feel vulnerable and needy. Be patient with yourself. Also, you might consider letting him know you'd like it if he called you or made the plans more often. I'm not saying make an ultimatum (unless you feel like making one), and be careful not to do it in an accusatory way (i.e. not "You never call me, I always have to call you" -- that would be bad), something light to put the ball in his court. Communication can work wonders, hey.
BlueEyedSarah Posted January 5, 2008 Posted January 5, 2008 faye.white, Your young, you need to relax and have fun. Ok so you like this guy a lot, if you feel you can't have fun without him then invite him to join you wherever you go. Try to wing your way round calling him so much, he may get a bit tired of it. Just take everyday at a time, think of other things in your life such as friends and family, don't evolve ypur life round one person. If you feel like you want to call him call another friend, one of the girls and see if they want to hang out for shopping or a meal or movies. Don't dump your other friends for this guy. Keep your mind distracted from thinking of him too much. "Too much of one thing is not a good thing"
Author faye.white Posted January 5, 2008 Author Posted January 5, 2008 thanks alot for your comments , im just 17,but you have all still given me good advice, im glad i wasnt just ignored. so yeah thanks alot that has helped me understand abit more about why im feeling like this =]
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