oppath Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Him pushing you away is not cool and not responsible of him. He should deal with his trust issue by talking to you and explaining why he was hurt. However, you have some culpability there. He is not absolved, so do not blame yourself, but take responsibility where you can.
Author Dontunderstand Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 Just to answer a couple questions... The other guy was a friend of my friend I hungout with him maybe two times in my life. He knew I was in a relationship with someone. I wasnt that good of friends with him...hence why my b/f thinks that I had intentions when I didnt think of it like that.... I have took responsibility for my actions but that doesnt seem like enough for him....I just want to hold, hug, and kiss him to make he feel better but he wants no part of me. He wants time to get his feelings and thoughts together. Not only did I have a drink with another man and not tell him I also said a lot of hurtful things to him when we where fighting...but I was so upset and I wasnt thinking....I know it doesnt make it right but I think everyone has done that.....RIGHT? Thanks again for your help....it means alot to me!
Jordane Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 I think you both need time apart right now because you are thinking really irrationally. It seems like you are willing to do anything and everything if he's willing to take you back which puts you in a very vulnerable position and that's not good.
Author Dontunderstand Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 I think you both need time apart right now because you are thinking really irrationally. It seems like you are willing to do anything and everything if he's willing to take you back which puts you in a very vulnerable position and that's not good. Thats not true...Im not willing to do anything and everything.... I messed up and I'll take that responsibility. . . I just cant understand how time away can help this.... but if thats what he wants then fine....I messed up so I'll give him that much....
oppath Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Thats not true...Im not willing to do anything and everything.... I messed up and I'll take that responsibility. . . I just cant understand how time away can help this.... but if thats what he wants then fine....I messed up so I'll give him that much.... You didn't mess up. You are allowed to go to drinks with friends. It's not that big of a deal you didn't tell him. However...can you explain what you meant by "my friends convinced me to do it"?
Author Dontunderstand Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 You didn't mess up. You are allowed to go to drinks with friends. It's not that big of a deal you didn't tell him. However...can you explain what you meant by "my friends convinced me to do it"? I didnt want to go! You see my b/f was away with his family and I called my friend to see if she wanted to hangout and do something and she didnt feel up to it.... however her husband was on the other line with one of his friends (who I knew, just not very well) and they kind of pushed us to get together. It was harmless he even knew I was in a relationship...... I just went because my b/f and I where fighting alot before he went away about little things and I wanted to make sure that I truly loved him and going on for a harmless drink showed me that... Other then that I was just bored and wanted to do something....thats the truth as lame as that sounds... I know it doesnt make any sence but it just cleared my head up!
Jordane Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 On a scale of 1-10 on "**** ups" this is like a 3 and he's making it a 20. You need to realize that he is blowing this out of proportion. Especially, since you already took the blame for it.
allina Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Did the incident of you having dinner with a friend happen before of after your bf saying you were suffocating him? He's already seeing you once a week and now he's trying to see you even less, he's pushing you out of his life and being a jerk. I'm sorry but I wouldn't be surprised if he's had someone on the side for a while now. I'd follow the advice of the poster below. I have an idea...wake up! He obviously does not want to be with you and he's finding all kinds of reasons to blame it on you so you don't feel guilty. Give him what he wants and dump him, you are not going to get anywhere with this. Honey, didn't I just answer this for you? He is picking fights and looking for an excuse to dump you? Why are you degrading yourself by clinging to someone who isn't interested in you anymore?
oppath Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 Did the incident of you having dinner with a friend happen before of after your bf saying you were suffocating him? He's already seeing you once a week and now he's trying to see you even less, he's pushing you out of his life and being a jerk. I agree, he is being a jerk. I was merely trying to understand why she did the drink thing and to be honest, it's not a 3 out of 10 if her reason was "go on a date with another guy to see how I feel, and by doing it, I learned how much I loved my bf." That's a 9/10 on the bad scale for me. I can totally understand him being pissed. However, that is no excuse for his treatment of her. He needs to deal with that and forgive her or end the relationship. I do know that if a girl told me "5 months ago I went for a drink with another guy because we were fighting and it made me realize how much I loved you," I would dump her. However, I wouldn't treat her poorly, pick fights, and dismiss her feelings. He is being a jerk.
allina Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 I agree, he is being a jerk. I was merely trying to understand why she did the drink thing and to be honest, it's not a 3 out of 10 if her reason was "go on a date with another guy to see how I feel, and by doing it, I learned how much I loved my bf." That's a 9/10 on the bad scale for me. I can totally understand him being pissed. However, that is no excuse for his treatment of her. He needs to deal with that and forgive her or end the relationship. I do know that if a girl told me "5 months ago I went for a drink with another guy because we were fighting and it made me realize how much I loved you," I would dump her. However, I wouldn't treat her poorly, pick fights, and dismiss her feelings. He is being a jerk. I agree with this. I was wondering when this all happened because in the original post the OP is talking about the bf wanting space from her and I didn't understand if this was as a result of her having a drink/dinner with another guy. Her reason for having the drink/dinner are important. I know that if I told my bf "hi sweets I had dinner with *guy friends name*" he'd be like cool, what did ya have? But if I said "I had dinner with *guy's name* because we fought and i wanted to see if I still loved you" my SO would be very "WTF:eek::eek::mad::sick:"
Author Dontunderstand Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 I agree, he is being a jerk. I was merely trying to understand why she did the drink thing and to be honest, it's not a 3 out of 10 if her reason was "go on a date with another guy to see how I feel, and by doing it, I learned how much I loved my bf." That's a 9/10 on the bad scale for me. I can totally understand him being pissed. However, that is no excuse for his treatment of her. He needs to deal with that and forgive her or end the relationship. I do know that if a girl told me "5 months ago I went for a drink with another guy because we were fighting and it made me realize how much I loved you," I would dump her. However, I wouldn't treat her poorly, pick fights, and dismiss her feelings. He is being a jerk. Why would you dump her... I understand what you guys are all saying its just so hard to let go of someone you love knowing that you are the reason and you messed up!! I wish I could make it better but I can't.... all I can do is pray that this time apart he will see how sorry I am and forgive me...I didnt do it to be hurtful I just wasnt sure what was going on at the time....
oppath Posted January 8, 2008 Posted January 8, 2008 If my gf and I were fighting, and she admitted she went out with another guy because we were fighting and to test her feelings for me, that would be a serious breach of trust. It would make me think, "when things get rough, is she going to look for someone else rather than deal with our problems?" Going out with a friend is not big deal at all, as long as the dude knows she has a boyfriend and preferably, it's someone I've met or she's at least talked about before so I don't fear it's some new guy. I don't care if my gf's hang out with male friends. But if a girl told me she went out with a male friend to test her feelings for me, I'd be pissed! However, that is not the issue here. He is not just mad about that and his behavior is not acceptable. Do not blame yourself. He is being a jerk and his actions have little to do with that incident you bring up. So stop taking all responsibility. His treatment of you is not because of that incident. You are not smothering him if you want to see him more than once a week.
Author Dontunderstand Posted January 8, 2008 Author Posted January 8, 2008 If my gf and I were fighting, and she admitted she went out with another guy because we were fighting and to test her feelings for me, that would be a serious breach of trust. It would make me think, "when things get rough, is she going to look for someone else rather than deal with our problems?" Going out with a friend is not big deal at all, as long as the dude knows she has a boyfriend and preferably, it's someone I've met or she's at least talked about before so I don't fear it's some new guy. I don't care if my gf's hang out with male friends. But if a girl told me she went out with a male friend to test her feelings for me, I'd be pissed! However, that is not the issue here. He is not just mad about that and his behavior is not acceptable. Do not blame yourself. He is being a jerk and his actions have little to do with that incident you bring up. So stop taking all responsibility. His treatment of you is not because of that incident. You are not smothering him if you want to see him more than once a week. Thanks and just to make something clear the guy I hungout with knew I had a boyfriend.... plus I would never cheat (I have been that girl in the past that was cheated on and I would never do it!) or run into another man arms when things get "rough" I hope he knows that in his heart!! I'll keep you guys posted on Sunday....thanks again
Author Dontunderstand Posted January 15, 2008 Author Posted January 15, 2008 Ok so Sunday came and he told me he is really hurt and that he wanted to Feb. 1st.... I'm starting to get p*ssed by this whole mess!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kamille Posted January 15, 2008 Posted January 15, 2008 Ok so Sunday came and he told me he is really hurt and that he wanted to Feb. 1st.... I'm starting to get p*ssed by this whole mess!!!!!!!!!!!! He wants until feb 1st to make up his mind? I would be pissed to. But it's up to you to decide it it's worth it. I do think that it is unfair of him to make you go through so much pain and anxiety over something that is likely best resolved by communicating. Sorry honey. Maybe it's up to you to decide when enough is enough.
Recommended Posts