johnmmm Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Hi there. I have made other short posting on this subject on other sighs and the advice I have received has been invaluable. So I have decided to put he whole story up, it’s long, so make a cup of tea or coffee and have a read. ☺ She broke up with me about 5 weeks ago. After to days we got back then two days later she broke up again. This rely annoyed me. I phoned her and asked “is this over then? If you tell me it is I then I will accept it and get on with my life”. She said yes. So it was over, I was hurt, I stopped contact with her because I needed to get over it. After a while she started emailing about realy radome things. I kept the reply short and sweet but she kept emailing. She then started texting and asked me one day if I was ok I said “yes im fine” she said “ok good, I still care about you” From this point on it stated to get very confusing, it seemed that ever time I stepped away she would make a move toward me. But if I asked her flat out “what’s going on are we getting back” she would say no. On Christmas day she text me saying happy Christmas with kisses, at this point it was just stating to get to me like SHE DUMPED ME, and now she keeps texting and emailing and she is just confusing me. I had had enoth so on boxing day I phoned her, I wasint cheky about it but I just asked her what’s going on are we getting back or is your mind made up? She said her mind was made up, so I asked he to stop contacting me and let me get on with it. She was crying and very upset (which didn’t add up) she said ok and that was that. Or was it? That very night I went out with friends to a club. And guess what? Yip, she was there. I didn’t talk to her just a smile and said hello. Later I was standing at the bar and she came over, she didn’t say a word but instead just broke down crying, like relay crying, crying so much that when I asked her what was wrong she could tell me. I didn’t like seeing her like this so I put my arms round her and hugged her and told her she would be ok. She stopped crying and we chatted briefly then before she went she tried to kiss me, I pulled away then she tried again so I kissed her…… Next day she text me saying she was very confused. From that point on we have been talking every day but it is not me that is contacting it is her. A few nights ago she text me looking for sex, I said I didn’t think it was a good idea. But she talked me in to it. (if you are a man and you are reading this you will know that it not easy to turn down) so we did it and it. I know this is a bad idea but as fare as I can see she is the one making all the moves so I didn’t feel like I was just being used for sex. We where talking the next day and I asked her if she regretted sleeping with me, she said no then she asked me if I I regretted it. I said no but we cant keep doing it because one of us will end up getting hurt when the other finds someone else. This upset her and she seemed very uncomfortable with it. She then asked I wanted to start dating, not get back but start going out with each other to see what happens. I said ok. This is where its at now. My view on this is that she broke up with me but as soon as I looked like I wanted to get on with my life she freaked out and didn’t know what to do. It seemed like ever time I made a step away she would make a step toward me. I don’t rely know what to think of this. Dos she want back but just dos not want to say it because she was the one broke up? Or what? What’s your view on this because I don’t trust my own judgment anymore and it rely confusing.
Ronni_W Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Her behaviour is baffling! Is she extremely immature when it comes to dating? If not, then what you've explained is likely more about her jerking you around because she doesn't like that you are ready, willing and able to move on. What are her reasons for breaking up with you in the first place? -- If those reasons still exist and do not get permanently resolved between the two of you, you are just setting yourself up for a whole cycle of pain-temporary happiness-pain. Reading 'tween the lines, it's not really coming across that you're super-interested in pursuing this for a long-term, positive, happy relationship...is that a correct take? And if so, just stop the craziness now! If you are interested in something better with her, I agree that you'd be wise to proceed with GREAT caution.
sedgwick Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 the thing with NC is that YOU HAVE CONTROL. you don't have to answer when she calls. you don't have to respond to her texts. you don't have to go to the same bars. the only thing you want to hear from her is that she wants to get back together, and until she's able to tell you that, don't talk to her. this is the only way to get over it and save your dignity.
Author johnmmm Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 Her behaviour is baffling! Is she extremely immature when it comes to dating? If not, then what you've explained is likely more about her jerking you around because she doesn't like that you are ready, willing and able to move on. What are her reasons for breaking up with you in the first place? -- If those reasons still exist and do not get permanently resolved between the two of you, you are just setting yourself up for a whole cycle of pain-temporary happiness-pain. Reading 'tween the lines, it's not really coming across that you're super-interested in pursuing this for a long-term, positive, happy relationship...is that a correct take? And if so, just stop the craziness now! If you are interested in something better with her, I agree that you'd be wise to proceed with GREAT caution. I agree it is baffling, totally befalling. The resons for her breaking up were me being jealous and snooping in her business, at the time I didn’t realist what I was doing, it was just one of them things that takes on a life of its own then when the s**t hits the fan you snap out of it and feel like a idiot for doing it. I see what you mean when you say you are reading between the lines. Yes I am interested in this relationship it was without a any doubt the best relationship iv ever been in but at the same time im thinking about my self, I refuse to beg and plea for her back even if I feel like doing that. It was her choice and I have learn in the passed that you can no force people to want you, you have to let them figer that out them self.
Ronni_W Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 The resons for her breaking up were me being jealous and snooping in her business, at the time I didn’t realist what I was doing, it was just one of them things that takes on a life of its own then when the s**t hits the fan you snap out of it and feel like a idiot for doing it. Yes I am interested in this relationship it was without a any doubt the best relationship iv ever been in To me, those reasons change the picture somewhat. So...here's what I would do: I'd put all my cards on the table in one honest shot. I'd say, "I know I acted like an idiot. I'm still sorry for that. I think your reaction was correct. But all of that is in the past. In the present, I don't get what you're up to. I'm still interested in you because I really liked (loved) being with you. At the same time, this is all you're going to get from me...I have NO intention of letting you come in and out of my life just whenever it suits you. Do NOT contact me in any way, shape or form UNLESS you are ready to give us another chance. I really, really mean this." (Or words to that effect ) And then, really, really mean it and do not give in to any urges that might get you into these crazy situations with her. Sedgwick is right that you do have the capacity for self-control...though of course it's sometimes tough to exercise that, isn't it?
THE THRONE Posted January 4, 2008 Posted January 4, 2008 Why waste your time with someone who isn't stable?
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