cj1988 Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Ok, you all know me by now and this is so confusing. My H, the unemotional now/ no imtimacy at all person that he has become is nuts. I have tried to NICELY tell him I am ok with splitting and think it is best for both. You would think he would be happy to have an easy way out, no more fighting, drama or pain.....but NO, he has to drive me nuts even more. He has yet to come to me and want to be intimate and when I grip or bring it up at all, the lack of he gets mad and said I am pushy and have not given him time to adjust (been over a year now and it is still the same if not worse) Tells me that repeating myself weekly and not letting go long enough for him change makes it worse. I told him I was tired of the up and down emotions, I cannot take it and I could not wait forever for him rebuild what he felt for me ( he knows I am not the type to sit and wait).....he said I am selfish and he waited for me for years and now I cannot wait for him....he said "now who loves who here".......I do not get it....what the h---- is he waiting for....he does not want me unless he is drunk, we do not talk and when we do it is fight, what is there left....it is a loveless, sexless marriage....he acts like it is just going to hit him and he will love me again....he hates everything I say or do, always criticizing me etc.....why does he not give in or give up and walk away? Is it all about control and a game????? I am not a good gamer ! What the f--- is he waiting for?????
Mz. Pixie Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Why are you letting him control whether or not it's over?? You are perfectly capable of filing on your own if you're ready to have this over. Recovery takes a long time, even when people are both working towards it. It's not something that happens overnight. He sounds like he's still a wayward and has the wayward mentality.
Ronni_W Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 ...I am ok with splitting... What the f--- is he waiting for????? Hi CJ. I'm not familiar with your 'back story' so maybe you've already posted your feelings about this question: What are YOU waiting for??? Here are some of the reasons my ex would have been silly to leave: He was enjoying having a caring, patient and understanding chef, shopper, social organizer, bookkeeper, problem-solver, etc. In short, with me around, his life ran a heckuva lot smoother...and he didn't have to go out and hire people to do all that stuff for him. He was getting all his basic needs met, so there was absolutely NO reason to leave -- leaving would NOT have been the best thing for him. I guess my point is, at some point, you may just have to do what is in YOUR best interest and let him deal with the consequences of how he's (not) handled his part of the relationship. Best of luck.
lonelyandtired Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 A year is a very long time. I've been going thru this hard core for a month or so. After 12 months, it's time to **** or get of the pot.
Author cj1988 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 That is what I am saying....he is so selfish to sit around still try and hold me down as if I deserve to hurt and be punished over PAST mistakes. He said I have not given him ample time to recover from the hurt I caused and that I knew what I was doing when I hurt him.....like he does not know what he is doing now. My therapist said it is a control mechanism for him. If he does not get too close to me he will not feel pain or pleasure. Protects him from himself and me at the same time. I am not changing who I am for anyone. I will never hurt anyone again, that wanted and have changed. He said I built the wall between us and have to take it down slowly....how can you do that when you just sit around saying and doing nothing? I am so sick of the fights and the BLAME he puts on me for everything wrong with him and me.....he drinks too much, smokes too much, but I have the problems. I told him to face it, I am NOT the woman he made me out to be in his head and this is ME. He said you want me to put you on a pedistal, I did that and what did it get me, BURNED....I said, so we are going to be like this forever, he said, what did you expect what going to happen? That is when I tell him to just let it go and we can split it all and leave. I am even willing to give him one of the houses (both are mine) to get out....he said I want what my 13 year investment back, I said that is not happening.....then we go to sleep and wait for the next fight. He always acts like nothing was said the next day, NOTHING is ever resolved, he right, I am wrong is all there is too it !
Mz. Pixie Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Why are you letting him control whether or not it's over?? You are perfectly capable of filing on your own if you're ready to have this over. Recovery takes a long time, even when people are both working towards it. It's not something that happens overnight. He sounds like he's still a wayward and has the wayward mentality. I repeat- why are you allowing him to call the shots here?
Author cj1988 Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 I have no idea.......I am moving anyway, I was just hoping someone coule tell me what his f--- problem is......he is nuts, not me. At least I am adult enough to admit when it is over, he not only is a cheater, but a complete idiot as well......for someone that hates drama, he stays in it easily and voluntarily !
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