PinkRibbon Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 I have noticed something reading many of the posts around here. It seems that many of us have been notified by ex spouses and lovers that they are happier without us and that things are so much better for them. Why?? Why?? I have noticed almost everyone of them already has someone else. They are not making themselves happy they are relying on someone else to better their happiness. It burns me up reading all the posts about how our "others" tell us are happy, they are sleeping with other people and they have a new boyfriend or girlfriend already. Hardly one was dumped because an ex just wanted to be alone. Most were in adulterous realtionships before they left or were in the planning stages of a relationship. I am beginning to think that even though many of us were "dumped" by our ex's that we will be better off than they will ever be. We are learning to rely on ourselves for our own happiness. We did not run into the bed of another. We are becoming stronger and better people than our ex's are because we are honest, caring and would have never given up on our relationships to run off and sleep with someone else. That we will not find better but someone better will find us because we deserve better. Phew that was my morning tirad. Sorry.
Bummed&Hurt Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Excellent post! That sums up where I believe I'm at right now. My wife said she had been unhappy for some time. She didn't bother to come right out and tell me that instead she went and slept with a man who I considered a good friend. Now that I've let the affair out of the bag he's had second thoughts and looks like he's going to stay with his wife. She is left picking up the pieces. Meanwhile, during the last 4 months this has been going on I have realized how much I relied on her. I have straightened myself up and have grown stronger emotionally and am now relying on myself much more than before. I have really reconnected with my children and really feel like we are closer. I almost feel rejuvenated about what's coming up in my life. I know it's a long road ahead, but I know now that what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. I feel in a year or two I will be far better off. I still hope she can straighten herself out and get back on track.
guessjeans Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 I read an article not long ago about ex"s that have moved on into another (new) relationship and how we feel over the loss. And it brought out some good points. One that stands out is..if the relationship is fairly new, its still in the honeymoon stage. Think back at all your past relationships when you were in the early months of it. Everything is perfect. This may be the "one'. You really connect. Then the honeymoon period wears off...and it does. Give every relationship time, and it will. Then they start seeing the "dents in the armour" of their new love interest. How many incidents have you read that once the honeymoon period is over, they get in touch with their ex"? Plenty! He/she isnt perfect as a new companion. They have their faults. But right now, in a lot of our cases, the honeymoon stage is still in affect. But trust me, given time, every relationship gets a dose of reality, and in some cases, it isnt pretty. In my ex"s case, the woman he is in a new relationship with (since October of this yr) is the office secretary. And its a small office of maybe 3 or 4 ppl in total. She is just separated from her husband. She immediately left the husband one day, got her new place, and they started sleeping together since. My ex said to me "the poor thing hasnt had sex in 10 years"! Can you believe it! The husband has got to have issues with this and bitter about some other man sleeping with his wife. She is not divorced yet..and only separated since October. So he has got his issues with this woman. I believe they are both in a rebound situation..my ex makes it sound like he has met the love of his life..and im sure she believes he is her soulmate too. But i'm sure in time, this woman that is 10 years older than me...will show her dents also..and so will my ex. Past behavior is a future behavior indicator. Its going to take a lot of baggage issues to have this relationship becoming something lasting..and it might....but it will take a lot of work. So be patient. Things arent always what they seem. guessjeans
Confused9 Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Wow, I really hope my ex's honeymoon stage ends and he is miserable! I don't mean to wish bad things on him but he hurt me more than any other and it would almost make me feel better to know he is not happy. I feel bad saying that but it's true. He barely knows this lady and they are suppossedly having a child. How's that for moving too fast. I believe he may think he loves her, but I don't think he really does. Good luck to him I guess!
Author PinkRibbon Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 I want mine miserable. I want him to not sleep and not eat:eek: I want him so stressed out his hair falls out:eek: But I must forgive and not be like him and move on with grace and dignity.
Blue Eyed Brain Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 It's easier (not better) to run to someone else to rely on love, attention, affection. It takes a lot of character to look at yourself in the abyss and dive in. A test of character.
guessjeans Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Exactly! I couldnt do that. Firstly, I would never hurt my ex husband by leaving our family home, then immediately starting up a relationship with a man, and begin sleeping with him. My god, the hurt and pain I would have put him through, not to mention my son. Thats what his new g/f did! and she's almost 60 for god sake! I dont care how miserable the marriage was, have some respect for the other person"s feelings. I dont ever want my ex to think that our time together was wasted or meant nothing. And that is what happens when ppl run to someone else to ease their pain. I have grown two fold since being alone. I am single mom of a 20 yr old that has been ill for the past 6/7 months, I work 12 days straight, then get 2 days off, then back at it again. I work two jobs to make ends meet. I own my own home, and I have learned how to do all the things single parents have had to deal with, without leaving my home with a man on my arm. I am stronger, wiser and more loving because of this time alone..and I pat myself on my back for what I have accomplished without a man in my life. I create my own happiness, no one else. One day, I will find the right man for me, because I have a lot to give, and know that I will never fear being alone again because I did it! and i did it all by myself guessjeans
Author PinkRibbon Posted January 3, 2008 Author Posted January 3, 2008 I think we all need a bunny hug. {{}}
Confused9 Posted January 3, 2008 Posted January 3, 2008 Good for you GJ...keep up the positive attitude!!! : )
Recommended Posts